Clean Date

[Imagine]

Hey Family, an addict name Jerome here. Anyone who has read my story knows that on 1/2/96 I admitted my powerlessness over my addiction, and my life was unmanageable. I started my journey to recovery with the help of people that had already started their journey years before me. These people was always there when I was still a 30 day wonder, which that started in the mid 80s. Anyway; after 1/2/96 I started doing everything I was told, 90 meetings in 90 days, share at those meetings, come early leave late, find someway to serve, make coffee empty ashtrays, what ever just be a part of, find a sponsor and a home group. When I found my sponsor we started at step one in the same way he first started his steps useing the Hazelton work books. He got me involve in area service, I was the GSR for my home group, I was part of a group that took meetings to treatment centers in our area. This is in my first 3 and 1/2 years. In 1999 my life was getting pretty good, my credit was recovering and I started working on going back into business for myself, in other words I stoped working my program and I ended up useing again. It was very hard for me to come back in, the hardest of all was coming clean with my sponsor and my home group as well as all my friends in the program. Everyone was still there for me when I did make it back in, my sponsor said he felt that I had put a 100% into my program and it seems that it was not enough, so we was going to try a 110%. Thanks to that outlook of not giving up, but to understand what I did wrong I feel I have grown stronger. However; honestly I've been trying to hang on to my 1/2/96 clean date, saying to myself, it is not as important as making sure I don't change it again is. Of course my sponsor sees it as a honesty, and acceptance problem, which I see it now more then ever thanks alot to my new family here at SR. I love each and everyone of one here, you have been more help to me than I can express, the old timers as well as the newcomers. So as a result of a 4th step on honesty, and acceptance, my clean date is 7/9/99. My spiritual awakening is if I'm not being honest with myself I can't claim honesty at all and acceptance is impossible. I'm only speaking for this addict, and sharing where I'm at today..........Love and Peace, Jerome.

[Time2Surrender]

Its great you can admit that.To thine own self be true.

[Timebuster]

Welcome back Jerome

God Bless
Timebuster

[namommy]

That takes alot of courage, and you should be proud of yourself. At least you didn't hang onto the secret for very long and torture yourself with it.

just a story related to this. I have a speaker tape of a women with almost 30 years clean. She was one of the main speakers at a convention and right there in that meeting while she was sharing, she got honest about smoking pot when she had about 3 or 4 years clean, and she couldn't take that secret anymore. She changed her clean date right there and then.

[Gooch]

Blessings for you Jerome.

The first 2 and a half years of my recovery, my clean date changed more than I did.

Feb 2, 1991 I went to jail and the day I got out I went to an NA meeting first thing. I haven't had to change it since because the day I went to jail I began to accept things the way they were, including myself.

Theres a whole bunch of peace that comes with acceptance.

[Imagine]

Thanks namommy; when I came back in I was at the meeting where I first got clean and on the road to recovery. One of the people that was always there back when I was a 30 day wonder, got up when they pass the chips out and picked up a white chip and shared with the meeting how she came to throwing 21 years away, which was she stoped working her program, she was in a relapse a good year before she used. One thing she said that stuck with me was clean time without working your program is just time not useing and not growing and in the end is meanless because you will use the first time live gets to tuff. Thanks for the blessing gooch. In 1996 I was coming home from a meeting where I had just picked up my very first ever 9 month key tag, I got stop at a road block and arrested for driving on suspended ligense, it was a friday night and I was the only sober person in the tank. When they went thru my car they seen my key tags I had hanging on my rear view mirror, and my basic text on the front seat and ask me about them, I told them where I was coming from, I still went to jail but for the first time in my life the police treated me with a little respect. My ligenses was taken away 2 years before for a DUI, also the tag on my car did not belong on my car. That night in that drunk tank I got a real good close up look at just how unmageable my life really was, the only reason I didn't have ligenses was because I did not want to pay the $200 reinstatement fee. I seen it as God getting my attention.