Principle Eleven - Unconditional Love

[godsonmyside]

PRINCIPLE ELEVEN - UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

"Unconditional love is given where we sense our spirit in another human being."

N.A. Foundation Group - Marietta - May 2000
Moreland, Georgia Edit October 2001

Our unconditional love comes from our recognition of addictive pain and spiritual desire we find in one another. Like many of our terms, unconditional love takes on a special meaning for addicts recovering in NA. This principle lets us explore the hearts of one another. We increase our capacity to live by what we find there.

The spiritual growth we find leads to an elusive understanding that seems to come just when we need it. We realize that whatever form it takes, our disease continues to focus our attention on externals, misguided attempts to change others and avoid responsibility. Recovering our shattered selves with spirituality lets us grow anew from within. As our experience and knowledge of applied spirituality increases, we can more often see into the heart of things. In many cases, we back off, knowing we're powerless. In many other cases, we are able to act on faith and play the roles of helpers, caring listeners, truth tellers, principled persons, selfless givers and occasionally take stands that are spiritually meaningful.

To do these things, we turn a portion of our attention inward and begin to ask questions about what we believe and why we do things. Along the way, our understanding passes a point where we realize the love, generosity and help we have received - yet were unable to recognize or acknowledge. After this realization, our attitude towards the needs and suffering of others is more generous. Realizing how much we've been helped makes us feel embarrassed not to pass on what others gave us. The idea of pride, arrogance or expectation of return becomes ridiculous where we can see ourselves as the holders of spiritual truths that came directly from the God of our understanding. We cannot personally control or lay claim God's grace.

Awareness of the loving nature of the reality that surrounds us doesn't blind us to the ignorance, cruelty and selfishness that still exists in the world. The roles we play can reflect our new viewpoints and general awareness. We become able to see differently. Our insight enables us to make loving choices within our means and based on extending the kind of love and caring that helped us find the clean life.

The limitations of language obscure the sometimes painful fact that even `unconditional love' is dependent on certain factors beyond our control. This love may be in our hearts yet unable to find expression. Receipt of this love is usually depends on our openness.

One condition is that the person we would enjoy helping is open to our help. We are all too familiar as addicts with the pain of well-intended intrusion. Sometimes we feel like an exhibit at the zoo. To intrude on someone unasked is presumptuous and more likely to trigger retaliation than gratitude.

Another condition is that the time is right for sharing. A person doing things that are bound to have disastrous results from our view, may think they're in no need of help. Any effort on our part beyond a gentle comment or two may seem insulting and egotistical. If we wait until they're in pain and desperation, they may pass beyond all help. All we can do is share our experience, strength and hope. By praying to be ready and available, we are sometimes there at the exact moment when a person is open to help and asks for it.

Perhaps one more condition should be brought into this rare and inspiring form of love. It is that we do share from our own experience and not wander into the role of savior. Our spiritual condition is important: God works the miracles and gets the credit, not us. The trap here is that if we see ourselves as the doers, even if we really help someone, we will sustain an injury to our spirits. The love we give does not create indebtedness in those we help. It would be a case of our pushing God away from the controlling role in our lives, canceling out our Third Step of recovery. We will find ourselves seeking greater challenges, isolated and eventually in serious need of help ourselves.

Also, setting ourselves up as saviors makes us ideal targets for the disease in others to find fault with us. Our failure to be perfect can be used by the addictive trait to discredit our recovery! Our only perfection consists of honest and complete surrender. Then, if we are attacked, we can laugh at the strange turn of events and the foolishness that makes hard the best of intentions.

The gathering of spiritual knowledge leads eventually to a great and lasting simplicity. Our love may be a reflection of that simplicity. We may do the right thing just because it seems like the thing to do!

Love expands our life as hatred restricts it. Through love, we can go more places, meet more people agreeably and do more things with them. Increasingly, hatred cuts us off from others, leads us to avoid certain places and limits our ability to succeed.

[Imagine]

"Perhaps one more condition should be brought into this rare and inspiring form of love. It is that we do share from our own experience and not wander into the role of savior. Our spiritual condition is important: God works the miracles and gets the credit, not us. The trap here is that if we see ourselves as the doers, even if we really help someone, we will sustain an injury to our spirits. The love we give does not create indebtedness in those we help. It would be a case of our pushing God away from the controlling role in our lives, canceling out our Third Step of recovery. We will find ourselves seeking greater challenges, isolated and eventually in serious need of help ourselves." The temptation to play God is a human illness, we all can suffer from. Living this program of ours will deliver us from this burden. "I can't, God can, I believe I'll let him." This is the greatest decision we can make for our lives in our fight for true freedom.

[servicejunkie]

I'm an addict named Mike. The best way to show unconditional love is just to simply LISTEN to someone else. People accepted me in NA just the way I was and continue to accept me just the way I am. It's my responsibility to express my gratitude and do the same to each and EVERY person who walks through the doors. However, God is the real miracle worker, not us. At best, we are only his instruments. People don't nessecarily love me in spite of myself, they love and accept me AS myself, I try to do the same.