Relationships with NA newcommers?? HELP

[GlassEwaters]

Hello all,
Ok I have a crazy situation but I am not going to go into it ALL right now. I do have a question though...I have a friend who was forced to go to a live in treatment center...it was that or go to prison for 4 years. He has a beautiful 4 year old son who he loves more then life its self. The mother of his son is not in the picture...she is a junkie who is not ready to be clean. This program has done wonders for him. He has hit 90 days already...he had not been drug free since he was 14 and he is now 27. He has no idea who he is at this point though...he is going through a tough time and at first was doing his program and was making progress. In the past three weeks he has been acting like he is using again. But he is going to NA meetings every night, and has been passing his drug tests and is still in his program. But he is different...has not been keeping contact with his son at all. His son lives with his best friend who was also seeing him for a while too. She has been there through everything...and is a huge part of his sons life. She and his family have tried to communicate with him about what he plans on doing...he will be able to leave the program this Sunday. Also, they have been trying to get him to fill out Medical papers and get his son to the Doctor because his son seems to be getting physically sick when he gets upset about not seeing his daddy, or whenever his daddy seems to disappoint him (which is very often) Not showing up when he says he will, not calling ect. The family has found out he has been in a relationship for about three weeks now with the NA Activities Director. She is older then he is...and is very opinionated about how he should lead his life. She has yelled at his ex who has his son and has yelled even at his parent. When they tried to have a talk with him she showed up and then tried to answer all the questions they where asking him. When he is alone with his family and ex he seems to be calmer and more open. but the moment he is around her he acts as though he has to prove something to her. He has been very cruel to his best friend who is caring for his child. When she tries to talk to him on the phone and the NA women is with him she yells and acts as though she means nothing to him, the NA women then laughs load in the background as though she finds is funny he is being mean to another human being. The family try's and try's to talk to him and he seems to be getting more and more lost everyday. He did not go see his son on his birthday the other day nor did he call to talk to him. But seems to spend every spare moment he has with this new women rather on himself. This little boy is everyone's concern...he is very well taken care of by his ex, he is very happy and knows and feels love. She has tried to keep their father son relationship going this whole time...reminding the boy how much his daddy loves him and that he will be able to have him back in his life soon...but then the father continues to ignore his son and is now threatening to take his son and move in with the NA woman. Which will turn this little boys world even more upside down? Is it ok that this NA Activities Director has pushed herself into the newcomers life, and dictates what he should and shouldn't be doing. Also, this makes matters worse...his sponcer is her best friend so the one person he is supposed to trust and look up to for good sound advise has bias opinion about the new NA women and her controlling ways. I just see her setting him up for failure...what do you all think?????It seems like she wants him to feel like he has only her to trust and that she is the only one who really cares about his recovery. which is far from the truth. :scared1:
Please let me know what you all think...and if there is anything to be done about it?
Thank you for listening.
Laura

[namommy]

13 stepping!!

If anything, someone should confront her about this, he isn't going to be willing to hear anything if she has that much control over him.

It isn't right what she is doing, but there really isn't much anyone can do about it. People are going to do what they are going to do. Just pray that his eyes open before it is too late. Pray that he doesn't get really hurt, or stuck in a situation that he doesn't know how to get out of clean.

I'll pray too.

[Gooch]

13th step? My life is unmanagable and I want to share it with you?

Ultimately he is responsable for his own life and his decisions. Unfortunately, most of us don't have the acceptance at 90 days, 6 months or sometimes even 6 years to realize this and be able to act accordingly. That probably goes for the woman who seems to be trying to control his life as well.

What a paradox that relationships are the most important facet of the therapeutic value of one addict helping another and at the same time probably the most effective way for our disease to transfer our denial to once the drugs are gone.

Laurie probably hit it right on the head about people doing what they will do and there not being anything to do about it. Most of us learn the hard way the importance of making our recovery, getting a sponsor, and working steps the most important thing in our new way of life.

Prayers going up for your friend, and those involved in the situation.