How do I go forward?

[devin]

Recovering cokey here. 3 days sober here. The only thing I've had were cigarettes. I've moved back home. I didn't want to, but I felt that being here would prevent me from going out and getting it. Now I'm sitting in front of this computer, trying to stop my mind from devising methods of obtaining the stuff. It's way too easy. I don't trust myself. I've been honest about my urges and cravings. Secretly.. I hope to walk outside and find something. I don't understand these feelings. I really want to rid myself of this poison. That's my good mind talking. But there is another part of me that I'm trying so hard to overpower... and that wants me to pick up. Any advice?

[Gooch]

Welcome Devin! Lots of support and ideas to get through cravings at your frindly local NA meeting.

www.na.org check out the meeting locator.

I know the feeling .. sick and tired of getting, using, and finding ways and means to get more, yet the engine sits there revving to go do what we know how to.

Even after I was clean for a long time that engine would kick up off idle and rev some looking for any kind of racetrack to go run a few laps on..

Whatever we do we musn't pick up the first hit .. everytime we get through one of these craving sessions without using, we get a little more used to hearing the engine idling. It starts to feel more natural not to tromp on the pedal.

Hope I made some sense with that.. it's been loooooong day.

[devin]

Thanks. I've managed to occupy myself the past couple of hours. A few weeks ago, it would have been just a matter of a phone call. I know I'll get better. Its just so hard to stay strong sometimes. I will check out the locater and get some support from someone whose walked in my shoes. Kinda difficult hearing it from my mom.. who doesn't even drink, or a friend who's never even smoked a joint. Thanks again.

[sherbear5104]

Welcome Devin,

I can identfy with the feeling you speak of. It's normal to think about getting high, we did it for so long. But as Gooch said, there are ways to deal with it. Just don't pick up. I agree that an NA meeting would be very helpful. The people in NA understand what you are going through. We know what it's like to crave something that could kill us. Just read my thread here, I lost a friend to this disease. There are 3 things that active addiction behold for us, Jails, Instituitons, and Death, not neccessarily in that order. It's good that you are telling on your disease right now, because if we think about it long enough, our addiction keeps getting stronger. I will say a prayer for you. Keep posting, and read some other posts here.

Sherry

[splendra]

Devin-

Welcome!! Hope you hang in.

[devin]

Thanks. If I can make it through my low points, I'm fine. But my lows are really low. I'm trying to minimize and combat the melancholy feelings that I often have.