Principle Three Acceptance

[Imagine]

Through ongoing recovery, we all find our addiction trying to regain control of our lives through the weakest point in our personal program. We may find ourselves, without warning, caught up in substitution - an extension of our basic addiction. It may be obsessive food, sex, vomiting, gambling or any number of combinations.

The acceptance we find in the Third Step and the simplification of our requirements for membership to its most basic desire for freedom, stress the surrender and the hope we ourselves felt as newcomers. We constantly strive to accept life in life's terms and avoid pre-occupying ourselves with blaming others. Even if there are others involved, we must find a way to better our situation and the key to doing that is personal responsibility.

The belief that our Higher Power had taken control of our lives and our wills allows us to take acceptance into every part of our lives. In short, the word 'acceptance' expands through application into something we do almost habitually. Acceptance becomes a working principle in our lives. On several levels, acceptance helps us both in personal recovery and service to others. On one level, we know the Fellowship got along before we came and will continue with or without us. Service can be no ego trip unless we want the pain the ego brings with its limitations. On another level, we can feel the spirit moving through us. Sometimes it can be frightening even though we know it is loving - it's so big. We just accept and do our part in faith. This is the absolute best any of us can do personally.

Acceptance, as a principle, can be a doorway to solutions by applying a small amount of pressure in the place that holds the door shut. Rather than breaking down or prying open the doors, it is a key that unlocks them non-destructively. Since real acceptance tunes us into reality, we waste less time, energy and emotion trying to do things beyond our personal power. This extra time and energy becomes available to help us do better in those areas of our lives where we find we are able to be effective. Imagine, if you had an extra half an hour to talk with those you love or an extra half-day to do your job. Our capacity for quality increases when we're less concerned with quantity.

As we grow spiritually, we find others will react differently to us. Some may become jealous. We learn not to flaunt our spirituality. Our acceptance may infuriate someone who wants us upset. Many times, we will experience the feeling that we have done something wrong only to find out someone is trying to manipulate our emotions. It's amazing what you can see when you wake up in recovery! Many of our old reactions simply don't give us what we need. When someone tries to help us, we accept it. We don't retaliate with negative emotion and violence to cover up the fact that we may need help. They are not trying to put us down or make us feel less than they are.We learn to just accept the help and be grateful. As we change, the world around us appears to change. We all have certain capabilities. There is nothing that we can do that cannot be undone by simply speeding up until we can no longer do it. At the same time, we could do many things if we just slowed down and paid a little more attention. Recovery allows us the time and opportunity to do this with the help of others who have a stake in our recovery through their identification with us.

Acceptance of what God chooses to do with our will and life after we make our decision to let go, enjoins us to help make the way plain only to those who ask for help in some way. A phone call from someone who knows we are a member, a coincidental encounter or a person who shows up at an NA meeting is open to help. We have realized the vanity of trying to carry our message to those who do not want it.

Acceptance taken to the level of a principle also requires that we check out our facts and pray to make sure we know what we're accepting! While serenity applies to those things we cannot change, it takes courage and wisdom for those things we can help make better. Many of us ask, "What would God have me do?" in a variety of situations. Often, an unsuspected opportunity appears to us. Though the word acceptance may have a connotation of resignation, impotence, compromise and other meanings for many of us, recovery places acceptance in its positive form. It is honest. For addicts who are accustomed to throwing themselves at the world, it is a new wisdom to be able to back off. It is also a new choice.

As addicts, we seem to have an innate tendency to find closed doors and brick walls to butt with our heads. Acceptance can be a way of going on, opening ourselves to God's Will when a door is closed to us. For the time being, acceptance can be seen in a far more positive light where we are repeatedly put into positions where we are forced to face some challenge or demand. Many of us grow in recovery to be able to meet these challenges and satisfy them in every way. In our war with life, we often take a characteristic exception to things. Learning to live with ease and comfort may be a process of learning to be more accepting of things.

Accepting newcomers as members whether they act right to us or not. Accepting that if God's truly running the show, many things cease to be our business. Accepting a genuine love of life back into our scheme of things. Accepting that what may appear frightening to us is as nothing to our loving God. Accepting that others may think, act and believe differently from us and still be good people, not a threat to us. Accepting that, as addicts, we simply suffer from a disease and that daily abstinence and spiritual growth are the most important items on any given day.

Acceptance in time may mellow into gratitude. It seems that without gratitude, grateful acceptance, we never come to rest and have a tough time going on in the spiritual sense. As long as we are rooted in things, we are tied to them. When we realize that our needs are being met, somewhat regardless of our worthiness, we can take the option to slow down whatever we are doing and do it better.

[Imagine]

I found this on www.nawol.org and I thought I would share it with everyone. I've had alot of things to accept this year, and I could have not made it thru without my program. Now feeling I'm on the other side, I feel some growth and gratitude. Accepting life on its on terms enables me to change the things I can, ask help from my HP for the things I cannot change, and accept the wisdom to know the difference, and to do the right thing or the next right thing. But mainly just never give up.

[cj.]

My Thoughts On Acceptance

Acceptance is the key that unlocks the door to freedom. The more you use it, the greater the freedom.

It doesn't come easy and it is never cheap. We often pay a high price when we practice acceptance because we lose the illusion of control and self will, which our disease needs so desperately for its survival.

However, when we practice acceptance, we gain many personal rewards within our spirit.

When true acceptance happens, we undoubtedly find ourselves at ease with a renewed sense of strength beyond anything we thought possible.

A Personal Note

Along with the disease of addiction, I also deal with a painful muscle condition known as fibromyalgia. It has been more severe this summer and I have had to curb my activities significantly. As a result, my partner was unable to accept this and we ended our relationship.
My daughter also moved away to go to school in the city.

Both seperations were very hard and extremely painful but using is not an option for me today. I find the more time I accumulate in recovery, the stronger my desire becomes to stay clean.

Acceptance comes from knowing that I am no longer in control of what other people do. I can only control my reactions, my actions and my attitude.

Just For Today, cj

[servicejunkie]

Acceptance is really one of the most important principles of the program. A simple fact of life is that until I can apply the principle of acceptance to a situation, I will always stay "stuck like chuck" in the problem. Acceptance allows me to surrender and get into the solution. I love all those principles from the NA way of life book. Imagine, I see that you are up in GA, sounds like you know Bo. Anyone else familiar with Bo and some of the stuff he's done for the fellowship???

[godsonmyside]

Acceptance is the key that unlocks the door to freedom!!! Once I accepted that God is in my life and I could turn my will and my life over, all that unmanagability that I tried to control my whole life, and just let it go, my life has gotten better. Reality doesn't change, no matter how much I fight it, it just doesn't, Reality is the universe,all things within, once I let all that go and its not in my control(never really was, of course), it started to get a new perspective on life, and was able to start using God vehicles for guidance. Today with Acceptance, my life is amazing and It just gets better. SJ, who's Bo, got any info?

[Imagine]

Hey Mike, no I don't think I know Bo. I use to be the GSR for my group, and was real active in West GA. Hey cj, sorry to hear about your muscle condition. I'm going thru relationship problems myself. And my son is in his last year of high school and next year I'll be letting go while he gets start in his life.

[servicejunkie]

godonmyside, I saw you reference one of Bo's sites on the basic text thread, bosewell.com . He spearheaded the effort to write our basic text, many people give him credit for getting the job done and writing the text. He also organized the writing of that NA way of Life book and the tradition wars, among others, in the same manner and structure that the text was written. Anyone who wants to contribute to those books can help out and participate. The stuff you pasted above is out of the Way of Life book, much of that book was written by Bo S. Bo also does the Nawol site and I believe the na-history site as well. Check the nawol.com site and read about the "worldwide homegroup" he helped create. He also just celebrated 30 years a few months ago.