I don't know what to do anymore

[brookelea]

I have posted on this board I believe before, but don't remember what it was. so I am going to start from where I am at today. I am torn apart because my husband who is a meth IV user (not daily but consistently enough) has admitted this past december that he is addicted and needs help. We have talked and talked and talked about this subject. Most of the time he says he needs to do something about it, just hasn't figured out "why" he uses. He thinks he does and then he just thinks will power will get him through it. I have expressed to him that is not possible.

I don't want this relationship to end, I'm sure I'm extremely co-dependent, as well as emotionally unstable myself with borderline personality disorder and bipolar type 2. The pain of leaving him kills me, but I hate dealing with his behavior also. He has now used the excuse that he feels unloved and so he uses and wants me to leave, which is complete bull crap as to why he does it.

How do I get through it? How do I let go? I am now feeling like I want to just stay in a drunk stupor til I am past the horrible pain and had time to get over him....although I KNOW that won't work, thats what I feel like at the moment. I want him to get help and I want to stay married. Is there anything else I can do other than let go? I finally did tell his family that he has this problem still, they thought it was over with 3 years ago. Maybe they will get through to him, I don't know what will. I feel like I will die emotionally after all this. That I will never be able to let myself open up to anyone ever again. I guess that is what I am fighting, shutting myself off from anyone and everything. The pain feels too awful to continue through this process without doing that.

Brooke

[josezette]

Hey sweetie..Have you tried to get yourself to a Nar- Anon meeting? (I think that's what it's called) You should go to a meeting to be with other people who's loved ones are consumed with addiction. You are not weak for loving someone who has a problem. You need the tools. Check out the NA site and see if you can get to a meeting. I'll be praying for you!!

[brookelea]

Thank you very much for the prayers, I need them. Thank you also for reassuring me I am not weak for loving him. I feel very broken right now. That I have been so stupid to stay this long, but even stupider that I can't let go. I realized I posted this in the wrong forum. I reposted it in the naranon one. There are no naranon meetings in Washington. I can go to Alanon though and I am planning on finding one this week to get to.

[margo]

Hi Brookelea - it can sometimes be difficult to locate NarAnon meetings, even though when they are available close by. I'm posting the NarAnon World Services number for you - they should be able to help you find the closest meetings to you. If you get the answering service, leave a message and they will get back to you. Here's the number:

1-310-547-5800

Good luck!

[brookelea]

Thanks for the #, I called, the message comes up that the number has been changed to 310-534-8188. They answered at that number. They do have two in my area. Last I had checked they said there weren't any. I really appreciate the information, because I was wanting to find a group that was focused more directly on narcotics.

[margo]

That's wonderful, Brookelea - the meetings will help you so much.

And thanks for the heads up regarding the change in phone number!