Toughest Time of my life

[Aaron58]

Hello,

My name is Aaron, i am 18 years old. I dont use drugs of any kind, but my father does. He was recently arrested for possesion of crack cocaine, which caused my parents to seperate and him to be living in our summer house. In the two times i visited him, i could see he wasnt trying to get better, he was getting worse. I found drug parephenalia in the house. At one point one of his "friends" came to the house looking for him. He wasnt home, and this person, who was high, decided to get physical with me. I am not a small man, and i had no problem disposing of a person like this. This person drove by the house 4 or 5 times, and when my dad was home, my dad called the police on this person. They just came over and we gave them info. That night my dad had a rock thrown through his car window. This was two weeks ago and i have not seen him since. This past weekend he checked into a re-hab center. This is his 2nd trip. His first was when i was about 6 yrs old. I quit college football about 3 days into my first year this year because i cant concentrate on anything but him. I love my father more than anyone in the world and at the same time i am so angry at him. From what i know, he will be in this place for 30 days, i dont think thats long enough, but ok. What im asking, is what should i do when he gets out. How can i help him recover? Can i help him?

Thank you for reading

Aaron

[bikewench]

Hey Aaron....

A warm welcome to SR.

Can you help your Dad?
Well.. if your Dad chooses to use.. there is nothing you can do about it.

There is a tendancy to think that if we just love them enough... if we just show them how much we care... they'll get well and give us back what we so desperately need... their love and their attention... and the knowledge that they are fine.

I wish with all my heart that this was the case. But hey.. miracles do happen.. even in this messed up world of today.

Your looking for answers.. and your probably in the best place to find them in my humble opinion.

You might want to read the Substance abuse and Narcotic's anonymous boards as well... it might help you understand some of what your Dad is dealing with.

I wish I had a magic wand for you.

[Gooch]

Hi Aaron.

I can understand you being angry with your Dad and at the same time knowing you love him.

It's confusing to love someone and not understand why they are acting the way they are. Addiction is something that sneaks up on us. Little by little it takes our hearts and souls and pushes its way in between us and everything we ever cared about. We have to get really sick before we can get better. We've got to reach a point where no matter what anyone else says or thinks, we can finally see that we're not in control of the drugs they are in control of us.

I encourage you to look for naranon or alanon meetings. we have a friends and family forum here that may help shed some light on why your Dad could let things get so bad. Others who have experience with their loved ones being addicted can also help you find out the best way to take care of yourslef and process your feelings.

At every NA meeting I attend, we pray for "the addict who still suffers" and I always include the people that get hurt by the suffering addicts as well. You and your dad are in our prayers and held with hope at every NA meeting there is each day. Literally 10's of thousands of recovering addicts are praying for you and your dad to find your path to peace.

(((((Aaron)))))

[best]

How can i help him recover? Can i help him?

Recovery is a personal thing. A choice the individual needs to make for themself. Find Nar Anon in your area so you can gather info to help you better understand.
As a dad...be I sober or not, to look back in a year or two from this date and see that my son stopped playing football...
Well I would rather he continued if that is what he wanted to do.
My son has a damaged triad but still wants to play. He is looking into Bridgewater but won't make it for football this year. Damaged triad or not... if he is doing what he enjoys by playing... I am happy.

I understand the worry for your dad but I feel the best you could do for him is to take care of you.

[Moontime]

Aaron, our disease wants to seperate us from everybody we love and everybody that loves us. It doesn't matter who you father is getting clean for now but at some point he's going to need to do it for himself. Just be there for him, like you are now. There are Nar-Anon boards and meetings, I would suggest going to a few.