Breaking my anonymity.

[namommy]

Hi, I need to run this by some people, I have already posted in the women's forum.

My employer does not know I am in recovery. I have not had very good experiences with employers knowing this, my last 2 jobs knew and in the end, it cause harm. (for me).

Anyway, Yesterday I was in with a patient (80 years old), and when the doctor left the room, she broke down crying so hard she couldn't talk. When she finally pulled herself together, she explained to me that her husband died in March, and her son moved in with her. That is when she found out he is an alcoholic, and he is in rehab now so she is alone. She told me that she knows she is going to die alone because alcoholics don't get better. I tried to comfort her, and reassure her, but my own self centered fear of my employer finding out held me back.

I had a hard time sleeping last night because of this. I feel that God put me in this womans path to help, and I failed. I believe that we not only go to any lengths for our personal recovery, but we do the same to reach out and help others. So, I let self centered fear come between the principles I stand so proudly on. I am thinking of telling my employer, so I don't find myself in this situation again, and in my field I come across it alot.

Please, I need some feed back.

Thanks

Laurie

[bobbyd]

I think you did the right thing by not breaking you anonymity at work.
If this were outside a work environment and you were comfortable, things may have gone differently.
Try mailing this lady an alanon brochure anonymously.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing, but putting your job at risk is not part of " carrying the message".
I rarely break my anonymity, especially in a work situation.
Talk to your sponsor and support group about this.
You didn't do anything wrong. Just another situation to learn from.
God Bless,
bobbyd

[Gooch]

Guess I understand/misunderstand anonymity on a couple of levels. . I know I sure as heck wasn't anonymous when I was using. I like the definition of anonymity that's based in equal potential. The dictionary says anonymity is a state of having no name .. to me having no name means there is no way to tell me from any other addict. I'm no more or less important than anyone else. Taking that concept into society means I'm no less or more important than anyone anywhere.

I don't tell people I am in recovery necessarily. I might if they ask and I think it's relative to the situation. There are many ways to carry this message of hope and promise of freedom. We don't have to use NA lingo to offer support to someone who's suffering. You did try to offer support and comfort. I think you did exactly what God had you in mind for.

Like Bobby said .. another situation to learn from and sharing it here with us gives us some food for thought.

Every day I wake up clean and in this process, I gain a little more acceptance and relief that everything is exactly as it should be, and I am exactly where God as I understand him wants me.

[best]

What is the truth and what is a lie?
This is a situation where I think I have that answer. So many times it remains in a grey area but I don't feel it is this time.

The truth... You know people who have recovered, you have friends who have recovered. You know the how and why of life in this area because of people you know who have been there.

A person doesn't need to know that you are one of those people you know.
Book education or a ESH education... All others need know is you have the answers that can comfort and inform. Hiding the info that you are in recovery in that situation is not a lie in MHO. It is a keeping personal info personal. Such info doesn't need be shared with the world. It is in my opinion, info that only needs be shared on a need to know basis... Job application, Medical info, ESH share at meetings...

[namommy]

Thank you all for your ESH.

I am feeling better about this today, and I plan on maintaining my anonymity at work. I honestly don't think it would be taken well. I don't know why such simple answers as I have been given here didn't pop into my head then. But, at least I now have them tucked away for the next time this happens, and as I shared before, this happens alot when you work in the health care field.

Thanks for your support.

[Gooch]

Originally Posted by namommy

I don't know why such simple answers as I have been given here didn't pop into my head then. But, at least I now have them tucked away for the next time this happens
Thanks for your support.

I just try to remember that I have built in forgetters.. lol

I think somebody had it figured out that we would need each other and this was the best way to make it happen consistently.

[best]

Originally Posted by Gooch

I just try to remember that I have built in forgetters.. lol

Now can you tell me how to stop those forgetters from multiplying?
If I can remember correctly... I think they are taking over.

[namommy]

You THINK they are taking over, Mine HAVE taken over.

Work went well yesterday, only one episode of paranoia, but I chose not to break my anonymity. I also found out yesterday that they are making some changes to the practice, and I want to part of those changes, so I won't take any chances right now.

[godsonmyside]

JFT September 3RD talks about this, pretty good too.

[Dawn10]

Laurie,
I do know how you feel. I was scared to death as I looked for my first job in recovery. ( I had been fired for diverting pills from the hospital I was employed at as a nurse for 19 years.) I still work in the medical field, but not as a nurse. I do see patients, both alcoholics and addicts and I can empathize, but I choose not to share, as I think that breaches the lines of professional vs personal communication. My employers do not know of my recovery and history, however, my immediate supervisor does--I told her about 2 years ago--no problem! And a few of my co-workers know, the ones I trust. I now do not fear the doctor's I work for knowing. I have considered telling one of them as his son has been in and out of rehab for alcohol and drugs and I hesitate, however, as again it may breach the lines of professional vs personal communication boundaries.
My therapist used to tell me that " You will tell people about your history when you are comfortable with it and when you feel you can trust them."
And that is exactly what my supervisor told me when I told her.
Trust your gut and I know you will do what is right for you!