I think I might have the worst NA homegroup in america
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: little rock, ar
Posts: 151
I think I might have the worst NA homegroup in america
words cannot describe how much i do not like my home group.
and before i even post this, don't bother telling me to go to another group i can't, until i move which i will be doing probably towards the end of the year. its' teh only one that's fiesable to get to every day or so
these are the gems that I heard from today's home group
- don't keep coming back unless you are dead serious dont' waste our time
- the backbone of the program is working the steps (it's helping other addicts)
- screw just for today ti's fort eh rest of your ilfe, saying just for today is a play on words
- (chair of the meeting, on a meeting about steps) yeah i'm on step 3. i've never gotten past step 3. i'm 18 months clean.
- don't make plans ever
I dont' think I'm better than everyone else in my home group. okay, yes I do. But not beucase I look better or am smarter, but beucase I actually read the freaking NA text and they don't.
it pisses me off because this is why people hate NA/AA. it talks about being honest, open minded and willing but the more time these people get, it's like the more they are close minded and intolerant of newcomers who aren't where they are. that pisses me off.
and before i even post this, don't bother telling me to go to another group i can't, until i move which i will be doing probably towards the end of the year. its' teh only one that's fiesable to get to every day or so
these are the gems that I heard from today's home group
- don't keep coming back unless you are dead serious dont' waste our time
- the backbone of the program is working the steps (it's helping other addicts)
- screw just for today ti's fort eh rest of your ilfe, saying just for today is a play on words
- (chair of the meeting, on a meeting about steps) yeah i'm on step 3. i've never gotten past step 3. i'm 18 months clean.
- don't make plans ever
I dont' think I'm better than everyone else in my home group. okay, yes I do. But not beucase I look better or am smarter, but beucase I actually read the freaking NA text and they don't.
it pisses me off because this is why people hate NA/AA. it talks about being honest, open minded and willing but the more time these people get, it's like the more they are close minded and intolerant of newcomers who aren't where they are. that pisses me off.
zapped
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: milwaukee, wi
Posts: 26
yeah...I empathize, I've seen so many members in my group disappear due to the intolerance. We should be more tolerant as some of these people will be lost who might have been saved with an 12 step light program until they are ready. It takes some young people a few years as honestly the aa/na system, sponsors,etc feels a bit weird at first. Find other people who are like you and just try not to think about the pushier members.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
You just have to remember, we are all victims of our own ego. It does not matter how much sober time you have, or whether it is AA or NA. Sometimes we just let our ego run rampant. I have seen a lot of what you describe at some AA meetings, and I have learned that eventually someone usually speaks up and knocks them off their high horse. 
The point is don't let other people get in the way of your clean sober life. Do what you believe is best for you and your recovery! Sometimes I find myself smiling at those people when they say things like that, just because I've grown used to the ups and downs of sobriety.
hang in there.
The point is don't let other people get in the way of your clean sober life.
Do what you believe is best for you and your recovery! Sometimes I find myself smiling at those people when they say things like that, just because I've grown used to the ups and downs of sobriety. hang in there.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I've heard most of the things you mention at various groups at various times. People develop their own spin on things, and they tend to self select into groups, people with other viewpoints drift away.
I'm not going to go into a discussion on their take on things, but will address your issue of not having a workable home group. Have you tried attending meetings for other 12 steps programs? It's not exactly the same, but it might be worth looking into, especially if step work is number one for you.
Online groups and meetings. Working with a sponsor but limiting exposure to that group. Perhaps going to a different group, even if that is only once a month.
I know from experience that particular groups are not healthy and attending those meetings CAN do harm to a recovery program. If it's the only NA meeting in town, that is a tragic thing.
I lived for over 2 yrs in a remote area with no meeting. With no politics, no drama and no one snarling in my face I finally got a move on with my steps and recovery. I'm fixing to move to an even MORE remote area and having very limited to no acess to SR worries me more than not having meetings available. That being said, I DO set aside time daily for recovery work, including SR, reading and various written exercises and study. People recovery through other means and if your NA group is toxic, turning to other supports may be your best option.
I am glad you are NOT letting this get in the way of your recovery. Keep it up.
I'm not going to go into a discussion on their take on things, but will address your issue of not having a workable home group. Have you tried attending meetings for other 12 steps programs? It's not exactly the same, but it might be worth looking into, especially if step work is number one for you.
Online groups and meetings. Working with a sponsor but limiting exposure to that group. Perhaps going to a different group, even if that is only once a month.
I know from experience that particular groups are not healthy and attending those meetings CAN do harm to a recovery program. If it's the only NA meeting in town, that is a tragic thing.
I lived for over 2 yrs in a remote area with no meeting. With no politics, no drama and no one snarling in my face I finally got a move on with my steps and recovery. I'm fixing to move to an even MORE remote area and having very limited to no acess to SR worries me more than not having meetings available. That being said, I DO set aside time daily for recovery work, including SR, reading and various written exercises and study. People recovery through other means and if your NA group is toxic, turning to other supports may be your best option.
I am glad you are NOT letting this get in the way of your recovery. Keep it up.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: south carolina
Posts: 38
When we point a finger, we have 3 more pointing back at us.
You could epitomize tolerance and unity if you weren't sowing seeds of intolerance and self-righteousness.
You could epitomize unity and acceptance if you weren't sowing seeds of discord and resentment.
You could epitomize humility and love if you weren't sowing seeds of egotism and judgement.
Quote: Be the change you wish to see in others. Get your house in order. Be a light for others that shines so bright the newcomer won't see the shadows others exhibit.
You could epitomize tolerance and unity if you weren't sowing seeds of intolerance and self-righteousness.
You could epitomize unity and acceptance if you weren't sowing seeds of discord and resentment.
You could epitomize humility and love if you weren't sowing seeds of egotism and judgement.
Quote: Be the change you wish to see in others. Get your house in order. Be a light for others that shines so bright the newcomer won't see the shadows others exhibit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: little rock, ar
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by cerene 
When we point a finger, we have 3 more pointing back at us.
You could epitomize tolerance and unity if you weren't sowing seeds of intolerance and self-righteousness.
You could epitomize unity and acceptance if you weren't sowing seeds of discord and resentment.
You could epitomize humility and love if you weren't sowing seeds of egotism and judgement.
Quote: Be the change you wish to see in others. Get your house in order. Be a light for others that shines so bright the newcomer won't see the shadows others exhibit.
You could epitomize tolerance and unity if you weren't sowing seeds of intolerance and self-righteousness.
You could epitomize unity and acceptance if you weren't sowing seeds of discord and resentment.
You could epitomize humility and love if you weren't sowing seeds of egotism and judgement.
Quote: Be the change you wish to see in others. Get your house in order. Be a light for others that shines so bright the newcomer won't see the shadows others exhibit.
last night was probably the straw the broke the camel's back. I'm probably going to just start going to AA meetings. there is one around but I don't drink, never really did but this is getting out of control. Besides the blatant racist remarks (i'm black), the disrespect for anyone who isnt' in their clique and the lack of knowledge of their own program i can't take it anymore.
you can't run from problems but you if you used the bathroom on yourself it's wise to change the diaper and not stew in ****. I refuse to stew in this any longer.
I've been to good AA / NA / CA meetings. I know what a good meeting is supposed to look like. I know how people with time are supposed to act in meetings. I know what the love and the acceptation that I'm supposed to feel in a meeting is like. this meeting is none of that.
I've got a little over 2 years clean and one thing I've learned in my program is that i dont' have to justify anything to anyone. a lot of new comers get caught up in trying to work everyone Else's program. screw that this is my sobriety and i know what I have to do today to stay sober. and i don't like nor feel particularly comfortable at this meeting.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Consider your reaction. How upset you are. Anyone can say anything in a meeting.
Look at your reaction.
Your judgement.
Your anger.
and finally look at how "I know"...repeated..."I know"...
"I know"...how it "should be".
I understand what you are saying, and I am not picking on you at all. What you say is your experience and if you need a new home group, go find or create one!
I hope it works out, and you find the fellowship you crave!
Seriously though, take a good look at your reaction to when things don't go your way, or how it should be.
All is well, even if it doesn't go our way. Or not? Does it have to be our way? What happens if it is not our way? We are discontent, irritable, angry, resentful...how much good can we do in this taxed state of being?
Forgive, understand and move on, for your own sake.
Or go back, and be a part of it, separating yourself from any drama, and looking for someone with one day to help that has no idea of what to do.
Maybe if you go back and focus on bringing good to the group, and looking for the one to help...things will get better.
Let go of the outcome, and don't rest your happiness on how others behave. They like ourselves our spiritually sick too.
God save US from being angry.
Maybe God has you right where you need to be. Maybe you are being convicted in this area of your life and recovery. How YOU react...and maybe the opportunity is you GET to discover this, see your truth, as to how your existence is dependent on things going your way, and you get to grow, by letting go, and being able to be regardless of anyone or anything.
Maybe you will let go, and be able to be around anything and maintain your spiritual fitness. Maybe instead of running elsewhere, the lesson for you is to stay and get past your part in this current issue in your life.
Consider that this may a lesson for you.
Peace
Look at your reaction.
Your judgement.
Your anger.
and finally look at how "I know"...repeated..."I know"...
"I know"...how it "should be".
I understand what you are saying, and I am not picking on you at all. What you say is your experience and if you need a new home group, go find or create one!
I hope it works out, and you find the fellowship you crave!
Seriously though, take a good look at your reaction to when things don't go your way, or how it should be.
All is well, even if it doesn't go our way. Or not? Does it have to be our way? What happens if it is not our way? We are discontent, irritable, angry, resentful...how much good can we do in this taxed state of being?
Forgive, understand and move on, for your own sake.
Or go back, and be a part of it, separating yourself from any drama, and looking for someone with one day to help that has no idea of what to do.
Maybe if you go back and focus on bringing good to the group, and looking for the one to help...things will get better.
Let go of the outcome, and don't rest your happiness on how others behave. They like ourselves our spiritually sick too.
God save US from being angry.
Maybe God has you right where you need to be. Maybe you are being convicted in this area of your life and recovery. How YOU react...and maybe the opportunity is you GET to discover this, see your truth, as to how your existence is dependent on things going your way, and you get to grow, by letting go, and being able to be regardless of anyone or anything.
Maybe you will let go, and be able to be around anything and maintain your spiritual fitness. Maybe instead of running elsewhere, the lesson for you is to stay and get past your part in this current issue in your life.
Consider that this may a lesson for you.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by trappeshot
words cannot describe how much i do not like my home group. it's like the more they are close minded and intolerant of newcomers who aren't where they are. that pisses me off.
I would say Step 1 and Step 3. People are going to be people wherever I go and I am powerless over everyone else. I can either let it steal my peace or I can say the Serenity prayer and take what good I can out of the meeting. Step 3, turn it over. You can't fix it right? Let it go.
It's all about perspective, if you are focusing on the negativity in the meeting, you will leave with that negativity.
How about the fact that you were clean for that hour, how about the fact that some newcomers found NA for the first time.
I find that when I point out the flaws in other people that it really just emphasizes my own. God Bless!
Don't get me wrong, I have been to some poor meetings and I have been where you are but I don't let that stuff steal my peace anymore . Why?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
N/A is known as being a tough love community. No excuses there. Can't say I could handle it every day or every week, but it was good to get a kick in the rear in my early days. Aside from the God stuff, the above poster did make some interesting points about your language.
"Don't bother telling me..."
"I know"
"The WORST group in America"
"screw this"
Sounds like a lot of negative reaffirmation. Instead of dwelling on all the bad stuff, why not try and get positive and look for a new solution? Getting sober is an exciting and happy time - no need to "dwell in sh*t" as you put it. Look at the big picture, stop creating a world of negativity around yourself. You owe it to yourself to be happy.
"Don't bother telling me..."
"I know"
"The WORST group in America"
"screw this"
Sounds like a lot of negative reaffirmation. Instead of dwelling on all the bad stuff, why not try and get positive and look for a new solution? Getting sober is an exciting and happy time - no need to "dwell in sh*t" as you put it. Look at the big picture, stop creating a world of negativity around yourself. You owe it to yourself to be happy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: little rock, ar
Posts: 151
that's just not pramagic advice.
the last time i was told to stick it out in NA and be the "light" i got stuck with a sponsor that told me to **** off and not call him anymore which made me extremely resentful and eventually led me back out.
If that's your thing you do your thing. You be the light. I'm trying to stay clean. I can't be around negativity the way that group does. I have an extremely stressful job (business owner) and you know i don't' have the luxury of coming to NA meetings everyday on cloud 9 ready to help people, etc. There are a lot of times I come to group and I need to myself just be unwound. That's why I go. And hearing the stuff I'm hearing and the attitudes I see just wound me up even more,.
I've been going to a local AA meeting and it's 5x better than the group I've been going to. However here told me to do that was spot on. That group is exactly what i needed
the last time i was told to stick it out in NA and be the "light" i got stuck with a sponsor that told me to **** off and not call him anymore which made me extremely resentful and eventually led me back out.
If that's your thing you do your thing. You be the light. I'm trying to stay clean. I can't be around negativity the way that group does. I have an extremely stressful job (business owner) and you know i don't' have the luxury of coming to NA meetings everyday on cloud 9 ready to help people, etc. There are a lot of times I come to group and I need to myself just be unwound. That's why I go. And hearing the stuff I'm hearing and the attitudes I see just wound me up even more,.
I've been going to a local AA meeting and it's 5x better than the group I've been going to. However here told me to do that was spot on. That group is exactly what i needed
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,420
Take care of yourself, trust yourself
Hey Trappe,
Good for you for finding an AA meeting that works for you! i believe we need to validate our own feelings and perceptions in recovery. If we put of with &^%$, that could lead us to resentments, which is the number one cause, so says the big book, of relapse.
Life is too short to be miserable. I live in a huge metropolitan area and so was able to pick and choose my meetings from NA/CA/AA 14 years ago when I came into the rooms. I often shared that I needed to be happy in a meeting or what was the point?
I picked meeting with excellent recovery: they knew and quoted the Big Book, the old timers had worked the steps, and they were walking the walk of recovery in their lives outside the rooms, spiritually, emotionally, physically. I wanted what they had... and I got it.
This time, I relapsed on prescribed pain pills after a car accident. I had no intention of picking up and yet I did.
This time, I am finding Sober Recovery, and various fellowship 's phone meetings to work for me. Check out the NA phone meetings info page on the web.... there are some very good meetings, IMO.
Congrats on being clean for 2 years and sharing your experience, strength,and hope.
Happy Easter!!
1day
Good for you for finding an AA meeting that works for you! i believe we need to validate our own feelings and perceptions in recovery. If we put of with &^%$, that could lead us to resentments, which is the number one cause, so says the big book, of relapse.
Life is too short to be miserable. I live in a huge metropolitan area and so was able to pick and choose my meetings from NA/CA/AA 14 years ago when I came into the rooms. I often shared that I needed to be happy in a meeting or what was the point?
I picked meeting with excellent recovery: they knew and quoted the Big Book, the old timers had worked the steps, and they were walking the walk of recovery in their lives outside the rooms, spiritually, emotionally, physically. I wanted what they had... and I got it.
This time, I relapsed on prescribed pain pills after a car accident. I had no intention of picking up and yet I did.
This time, I am finding Sober Recovery, and various fellowship 's phone meetings to work for me. Check out the NA phone meetings info page on the web.... there are some very good meetings, IMO.
Congrats on being clean for 2 years and sharing your experience, strength,and hope.
Happy Easter!!
1day
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 20
Not everything shared in a meeting is valuable. That's hardly the case. It sounds like the saying "Keep what you want and leave the rest." really applies here. Never stop using your own common sense along with the tools you get from the literature and working the steps. Exploring other recovery options sounds like a good idea to me!
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
First of all, I hear you and I feel your frustration. Been there and done that.
Secondly, it appears that you've already made up your mind about what you want and need to do, so I'll offer no suggestions or advice (which I don't do anyway). Yet...I will share some of my experience and hopefully provide you with some food for thought.
NA literature tells us that we addicts are a "varied bunch" who are "thrust together" as a result of being beaten by our addiction. It also tells us that we come to NA out of desperation. Due to the fact that we differ in degree of sickness and rate of recovery, it seems almost natural that there would be those of us who have convinced ourselves that we've "got this" and proceed to behave in ways that come across as "preachy" or self-righteous (especially after achieving a bit of clean time)...remember, self-centeredness is the core of our disease!! As a newcomer I was torn between lashing out at what I concluded were illiterate fools or bailing from recovery altogether. Thankfully there were old-timers and other knowledgeable members who were willing to stand up and be a positive example for those that were being misled.
It was rough at first, but I made a decision to stay, to challenge the misinterpretations and the help make NA a welcoming and safe haven for addicts seeking recovery. My first sponsor used to tell me, "If you don't see an example...be one!" ...I don't know...maybe I enjoyed the rough-n-tumble interactions I had with the members who clearly didn't know the program but wanted to be seen as experts. LMAO!! But, whatever the case, when they told me that I deserved to be a member I made up my mind that I wouldn't let ANYONE run me away from my recovery in NA.
In August I'll have 15 yrs...and I'm still here.
G
Secondly, it appears that you've already made up your mind about what you want and need to do, so I'll offer no suggestions or advice (which I don't do anyway). Yet...I will share some of my experience and hopefully provide you with some food for thought.
NA literature tells us that we addicts are a "varied bunch" who are "thrust together" as a result of being beaten by our addiction. It also tells us that we come to NA out of desperation. Due to the fact that we differ in degree of sickness and rate of recovery, it seems almost natural that there would be those of us who have convinced ourselves that we've "got this" and proceed to behave in ways that come across as "preachy" or self-righteous (especially after achieving a bit of clean time)...remember, self-centeredness is the core of our disease!! As a newcomer I was torn between lashing out at what I concluded were illiterate fools or bailing from recovery altogether. Thankfully there were old-timers and other knowledgeable members who were willing to stand up and be a positive example for those that were being misled.
It was rough at first, but I made a decision to stay, to challenge the misinterpretations and the help make NA a welcoming and safe haven for addicts seeking recovery. My first sponsor used to tell me, "If you don't see an example...be one!" ...I don't know...maybe I enjoyed the rough-n-tumble interactions I had with the members who clearly didn't know the program but wanted to be seen as experts. LMAO!! But, whatever the case, when they told me that I deserved to be a member I made up my mind that I wouldn't let ANYONE run me away from my recovery in NA.
In August I'll have 15 yrs...and I'm still here.
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: little rock, ar
Posts: 151
it's gotten better. there are members that still get on my ever lasting nerves but it's gotten better.
the big thing is just id on't fit in. I'm black in a conservative bible belt town and i'm a preppy black guy so even the black guys don't like hanging out with me lol.I mean, there is no racism or anything but there is no hey let's go grab something to eat after the meeting either. This is why i tend to do better in AA groups than NA groups i fit in a tad bit better with peope. But I tried to go to teh AA group down the street and they talk about people so bad i decided i didn't want to go there anymore so at least for the next year and a half i'm resigned to the NA group.
I actually am doing the speaker meeting at the end of this month and i'm the group secretary. I've made some headway but still, it gets kinda lonley
the big thing is just id on't fit in. I'm black in a conservative bible belt town and i'm a preppy black guy so even the black guys don't like hanging out with me lol.I mean, there is no racism or anything but there is no hey let's go grab something to eat after the meeting either. This is why i tend to do better in AA groups than NA groups i fit in a tad bit better with peope. But I tried to go to teh AA group down the street and they talk about people so bad i decided i didn't want to go there anymore so at least for the next year and a half i'm resigned to the NA group.
I actually am doing the speaker meeting at the end of this month and i'm the group secretary. I've made some headway but still, it gets kinda lonley
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
I'm proud of you for not giving up.
May I encourage you to listen to Anthony De Mello.
I think his talks may help with the loneliness that you speak of.
Awareness mp3 files « awareness
Listen to the whole series. Keep an open mind.
I am learning this, and I am no expert, and I don't even know if this is true, but our happiness is already within us.
We don't get our happiness from others.
My past sponsor would tell me
"You are pefect and whole in every way."
I'm sure you are a beautiful being and are trying to go and be a part of.
Continue, be encouraged, and look for the good.
Maybe the peace you are "looking" for is already inside of you.
Love, V
May I encourage you to listen to Anthony De Mello.
I think his talks may help with the loneliness that you speak of.
Awareness mp3 files « awareness
Listen to the whole series. Keep an open mind.
I am learning this, and I am no expert, and I don't even know if this is true, but our happiness is already within us.
We don't get our happiness from others.
My past sponsor would tell me
"You are pefect and whole in every way."
I'm sure you are a beautiful being and are trying to go and be a part of.
Continue, be encouraged, and look for the good.
Maybe the peace you are "looking" for is already inside of you.
Love, V
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Trapp: My first meeting, several people shared bizarre stuff - almost competing to be the sickest/baddest (one talked about getting a shotgun to go knee-cap someone because they were pissed). I don't go to that meeting anymore. Luckily, I'm in an area with a lot of meetings; kudos to you for not giving up.
Veritas - Thanks very much for the link! I've listened to a couple already - good stuff!
Veritas - Thanks very much for the link! I've listened to a couple already - good stuff!
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