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Old 08-22-2013, 12:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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40 days clean and completely depressed

Hi. I'm new to the forum. I've been clean for 40 days now and I'm finding that I'm become completely depressed. I have joined a home group and go to meetings three times a week. I still haven't found a sponsor. I just can't seem to snap out of this feeling I have. I'm sure it's because it will take time for my brain to heal, but this is awful. I'm on antidepressants but I'm starting to wonder why. Any advice would be so appreciated.
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Old 08-22-2013, 08:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Iam---you are completely normal to feel depressed and brave to admit it- you have just made a huge change in your lifestyle and your health is going to need some time to unwind from it - be gentle with yourself give you brain time to heal it will be worth it

Find a sponsor remember the meetings are great but the steps are where the work is done and the sponsor is integral - your sponsor doesn't have to be the same one you have forever - pick one that works for now and I think finding a sponsor is tied to the surrendering thing - ask yourself - why am I not finding a sponsor? What is blocking my way? And then try to remove those blockages

Also have you tried some exercise - even just walking? Check in with your health and diet? Are you feeding your healing body healthy things? If you had just come out of chemo - with a cancer recovery - would you be so hard on yourself for being depressed? Doubtful? But you would if you were just coming out of chemo - take the time make the effort to feed your recovery right?

Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself and if you feel you don't deserve it - then get the steps rolling - and find that sponsor!
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you, hello---
I did some research last night on PAWS, post acute withdrawal, and it made perfect sense. My brain is recovering from being numb for so very long, it will take a while to heal. The problem with my home group is there are only a few females there and they don't have enough clean time to become sponsors. I think my only chance is to find other meetings and hopefully there will be someone there. I have a hard time making it to the other meetings because of children and family obligations. I'm honestly not making excuses, I would love to go to a meeting every night, it's just not doable at this point in time.
I will take your advice on the exercise. No, I haven't been. I seem to be "too busy" to find the time, but THAT is definitely an excuse My daughter would love to go for walks with me, so tonight I will go for a walk with her and think of YOU. Thank you.

I wish that it was acceptable to have the opposite sex as a sponsor. There is one person in particular in my group who has been clean for over 20 years and he is amazing to listen to when he speaks. his life is all about NA, in every aspect. There is no attraction physically to him WHATSOEVER, I just admire and respect him for his accomplishments and wisdom.

Anyway, thanks so much for your advice. I was so pleased to log in today and see that someone responded!
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Old 08-23-2013, 12:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Can you ask that member of the opposite sex to be your "temp" sponsor until you find someone more permanent? If you do it with the understanding that there isn't any commitment on his part, then perhaps it can help you through this tough spot and he can add some insight into your own search for a permanent sponsor.

Also, remember HALT - Hungry, angry Lonely and tired lead to relapse for me at least...

Also remember this - you mentioned that you have a hard time making meetings b/c of family obligations - remember when you were using? I didn't give much care to those when I was using. Please be sure to give youself a priority for wellness that helps you make those meetings. I have found in my area that some people bring their kids if they are well enough behaved, or check in with other NA members...perhaps you can trade child watching in the lobby or in an area at the meeting so that you can all make a meeting in turn.

Walking is such a source of peace for me. And what a blessing to spend time with your loving daughter. Many gifts there for you and she. Thank you for thinknig of me. It means the world to reach out to other addicts to me.

Also, try ONLINE meetings. The NA site has lots of links to those. ONLINE Meetings while not IMHO as intesive do offer more insight than not doing them at all.

You have so much to give the world...you are worthy of your own recovery...

This website also has some great online chats...apparently there is one tonight...
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Old 08-23-2013, 12:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Again, thanks so much for your reply I actually thought of bringing my daughter, 3 1/2, to my home group. To be honest, I'm not sure if I want to expose her to the atmosphere. Mind you, everyone is very respectful in the meetings, language is thrown that is entirely too foul for her to hear... very frustrating. But, you are absolutely right about making the meetings. Someone said to me not too long ago, if you were diagnosed with cancer and needed chemotherapy, would you make every appointment? Of course I would!!! So why can't I make these "appointments." It certainly stuck with me and I feel terribly guilty when I can't make it to a meeting.

I'm definitely going to try and catch some online meetings, I never thought of that.

As far as the sponsor goes, I think I'll keep searching and find a female. I'm also going to try to start working the program on my own and get to work on the first step. Hopefully within a month or so someone will have come along that can be my sponsor.... or I'll keep looking. I won't give up!

Have a wonderful rest of your day and thanks so much again for the advice. It amazes me every day how open and caring everyone is when it comes to recovery. THANK YOU
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Old 09-09-2013, 04:30 AM   #6 (permalink)
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You might want to keep yourself busy for you not to think too much. Being with your associates can help your forget and divert your attention.
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Old 09-10-2013, 01:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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IAM -

Congrates on 40+ days now!! Another flucking miracle! Indeed!

I can so relate to depression in recovery - what's the point, right?

Here is what I've learned about my depression-in-recovery:

Focus on gratitude. If there are two ways of looking at something and I'm looking at the negative, look at it the other way. For example, lets say I got into an argument with my wife today and we talked it out. I can be grateful that we talked it out or bummed out we argued again. My choice.

Keep On Moving - This is the most important thing, after staying clean and sober -- my depression would have me sitting on the couch all day, or in bed. Seriously, I can stay in bed for days, weeks if I let my depression get the best of me. I've been know to sit on the couch and stare at the TV and the damned thing isn't even on. BUT!! If I get busy, clean house, go for a walk, anything to keep moving - the depression isn't so bad - in fact, studies show that exercise is as good as medication and the both of them together is great. So I have to keep on moving if I want to beat it.

Service Work - making coffee at meetings, arriving 1/2 hour early and staying 1/2 hour late really makes a difference. It is the difference between being around the program and being in the program. I really appreciate you posting on this board as it has given me the chance to get out of myself today! So thanks!

Phone Numbers - Having phone numbers to call when I'm down really helps. I use them. They don't do any good to me if I don't pick up the phone - which is better than picking up a drink, no?

Sponsors - They ain't no big deal in terms of asking them. See someone that appears happy, joyous and free who talks about working the steps at the meetings? Ask them! Go for it! Sponsors are like clothes: when they are worn out, we change them.

THIS TO SHALL PASS! Perhaps like bad gas in the night, but it will pass! It isn't easy but it is simple!

Start with choosing some of the possible solutions you've been presented with and put them into action!

See you around the boards!

Johnny
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