JFT May 23 ~ Amends and Sponsors

[margo]

"We want to be free of our guilt, but we don't wish to do so at the expense of anyone else."
Basic Text, p. 39

Let's face it: Most of us left trails of destruction in our wakes and harmed anyone who got in our way. Some of the people we hurt most in our addiction were the people we loved most. In an effort to purge ourselves of the guilt we feel for what we've done, we may be tempted to share with our loved ones, in gruesome detail, things that are better left unsaid. Such disclosures could do much harm and may do little good.

The Ninth Step is not about easing our guilty consciences; it's about taking responsibility for the wrongs we've done. In working our Eighth and Ninth Steps, we should seek the guidance of our sponsor and amend our wrongs in a manner that won't cause us to owe more amends. We are not just seeking freedom from remorse—we are seeking freedom from our defects. We never again want to inflict harm on our loved ones. One way to insure that we do not is by working the Ninth Step responsibly, checking our motives, and discussing with our sponsor the particular amends we plan to make before we make them.

Just for today: I wish to accept responsibility for my actions. Before making any amends, I will talk with my sponsor.
pg. 149

Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous©

[Gooch]

I was so stuck in thinking that making ammends was saying "I'm sorry" . No one seemed to be able to get the point fully across to me. Then one day while I was looking at a schematic at work and nothing seemed to be as it should be, I saw that I had an outdated version. In the bottom corner of the document it showed that the drawing had been "ammended" on such and such a date. The light bulb came on and I realized that ammends = changes.

I really love the line in the basic text that says to the effect tat the greatest ammends we can make to ourselves and others is just staying clean.

and "such people" .. there were people who were dead, or no longer possible to connect with as to do so would cause harm. I did get help with this from my sponsor as I had many ammends I felt necesary to make to my ex wife. To do so might have strained the relationship with her new husband, so he suggested that one of the ways I could make ammends to such people was to change the way I treated my next wife, should I ever have one. I'm working up to that one by practicing on significant other.

Thanks margo!

[mackat]

thanks margo
thanks gooch
ditto re ex wife #1 and amends. My sponsor kept me well in check on making my amends to my last ex wife too- he saw it as my 'hook' to try to keep her immeshed in my life.
Was the same harda$$ who suggested i do a 'community amends' by opening a sober club for teens. [he used to say:"honey, i love you and god loves you , but after that...we got work to do!!!] Sponsors.... another miracle.
mackat