Giving my will and my life back

[Timebuster]

Hi my SR family

This is a hard subject to write about. Having experience over eleven years of recovery. I now truly understand today to never forget where I come from. Those who forget their past are doom to repeat them. ( I forgot and I repeated them.) Third Step. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him. The third step became an issue for me when I took back my will. I had taken my will back from God. By taking my will back, I gave my disease the opportunity to wake up. Anyone that is addicted knows that your disease talks to you. Not in some outside voice, but through your thoughts. It tells you things like, One won’t hurt you, or you deserve one, or you say f**k It, no one going to know. Those lies are not yourself talking to you. It is your disease that is telling you those lies. If you are in recovery and have a strong foundation you know how to put those thoughts to rest. I have done this many times in recovery. Things will be going well, and I’ll figure that I can handle my life now. Then I’ll start worrying and obsessing over details of my life, instead of turning them over to his care. Then I’ll get depressed and beaten down, come crawling back to him. Buy taking my will back I also give up my ability to make choices. The Third Step give me my sanity back. When stuff hit the fan or my back was against the wall I had God to give it over too, because I had a choice to ether kept it or give it back. What a concept if you want to be in peace. I got in to a relationship I had no business in and God give me all the signs to make the right choices and I didn’t take it, I wanted to do it my way. It didn’t take much for this disease to eat me up alive. Three years of active addiction because I wanted to do it my way. Today I have fourteen days clean, and slowly but surly Its all coming back to me. For the last three years I blamed everyone and everything for my addiction. I have no one to blame but myself. Today I have decided to give my will and my life back where it belongs.
To care of my God.

Thank for listening and your support.
Timebuster

Good post. Good reminder.

Thanks TB, and congrats on the 14 days. :thumb

[Paulie]

Thank you for helping me stay clean today.

[NOD]

Timebuster,
Thanks for reminding me to be more vigilent. I too relapse about 3 weeks ago because I let my guard down. I'm taking it one day at a time now. Just trying to get back what I so easily lost by not continuing to do what got me clean.
Hang in there! Praters for you and yours,
NOD (Jerry)

[mackat]

timebuster
thanks for the post- i'm getting a few years clean together and am Very Grateful that you got back to the rooms and are willing to share your ESH with us
mackat

[Justme57]

Hey ! Timebuster !

Thank you for the awesome post !

it helped me heaps today

HUGX
Lee

[OC_Survivor]

Great post Timebuster, I can relate! Our stories are almost interchangeable. I had over 14 yrs clean when I picked up this time. I've been clean since April 2nd. It was even harder to put it down this time than it was the first time it seems. Sometimes it takes someone else's thoughts and words to make me see myself clearly. Today, you were that someone. Thanks for sharing.

[True Blue]

Timebuster, Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Like Paulie said, you are helping me stay clean today.
OC & Nod thanks also.

[Lompocian]

Great share, thanks!

I'm just glad you made it back. Self-will isn't good for us you know. Yes, I have a strong foundation and can recognize when I'm trying to run my own show again.

I would always stray away from the rooms after getting a few months of clean time. Ask me today how long I plan on staying in my 12 step-programs, use a sponsor, and attend meetings on a regular basis - and I'll tell you for as long as I want to stay clean. :wink2:

Please don't take your recovery for granted, every day is a gift.

Carol

[Gooch]

Awesome avatar OC.. I have a friend who saw it on a t shirt at a campout near Albany, NY and traded shirts with the guy that was wearing it.

I checked out you post on Substance abuse.. hope that you find another room in the house that Jimmy built here at SR.

welcome back home!

[Timebuster]

Thank you all, for Experience, Strength and Hope.

Some thing I would like to share.

We were searching for answer when we reached out and found Narcotics Anonymous. We came to our first N.A. meeting in defeat and didn‘t know what to expect. After sitting in a meeting, or several meetings, we begin to feel that people cared and were willing to help. Although our minds told us we would never make it, the people in the fellowship gave us hope by insisting we could recover. We found that no matter what our past thoughts or action were, others had felt and done the same. Surrounded by fellow addicts, we realized that we were not alone. Recovery is what happens in our meetings; each of our lives is at stake. We found that by putting recovery first, the Program works.

12 and 12 pg13
Thanks again Timebuster

[Gooch]

as my friend Randy says when he hears something he likes .... um .. hmmmmm

Thanks TB!