Crush on a girl in my NA meeting!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 20
Healthy people don't get into unhealthy relationships. This is some of the best advice I've ever heard. Are you healthy? Is she? These are good questions to ask, because if it's an unhealthy decision, it's going to end badly.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: seattle
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by TSDD 
A good friend of mine likes to say "The odds are good, but the goods are odd. "
yup. Thats about it. I think Dr Bob said that in the"good old timers" book.
That said, i met a woman who identified herself at NA meetings as a Sex addict. we hooked up and dated for about two months. I ended up reading the SLAA book, after her open talk , and we both caught hell for dating each other... I was bounced from my NA meetings rather violently by self-righteous oldtimers (with a physical beating)but her and i are still friends today (3 yrs later).. anyway, none of your business unless youre jelous and thats on YOU
holding hands
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
I'm just going to state my experience here.
I have had many, many crushes on women in recovery. Their outsides were very appealing, so to speak. Some of them even had beautiful insides, although that is more rare. I acted on it once. I am still with her, in fact. 1 1/2 years, about now. She isn't the most beautiful person in the world, 12 years older then me, and may not be the best person in terms of personality. I love her though. Anyway, our experience has not been good. Being together has not been the best thing for us. We have relapsed together 3 times. We have been homeless together. We have hurt each other. There has been much pain in our relationship.
We were both sick when we got together, even though we were clean and sober. Our character defects were still survival skills to us, some still are. It's been a bumpy road. The only reason we're still together is we are very hard headed and stubborn. And there's that funny thing there, we care about each other. I call it love.
Long story short, I wouldn't recommend it based on experience. It didn't turn out as well as being alone probably would have. I have to get to know me and let God work on me before I can get to know her and let God work on us together.
We actually separated for a short time to work on us, pray about being together and overall just be alone for a time, living the program. It helped, but we are still sick.
Being sick together is one heck of a challenge xD
Also, I just have to add, reading through the thread.... No one has any right to say #$^! about your choices, or do anything to you because they disapprove. Last I checked there was a 9th tradition saying we are not organized. It's explained in the 12x12 in AA that this particular definition of organization means that no one has any right to enforce anything. Period. There's also a 2nd tradition that states we have no ultimate authority save God. And a 12th tradition that calls for humility and a practice of principles. And a .... You get the point.
I can do anything I am willing to pay the consequences for, and no one has any right to correct me unless I ask them. In my opinion that includes my sponsor. I was taught that not following spiritual principles can end in relapse, maybe death. There are no 12-step police to put me back on track, but I've relapsed due to not following spiritual principles.
I have had many, many crushes on women in recovery. Their outsides were very appealing, so to speak. Some of them even had beautiful insides, although that is more rare. I acted on it once. I am still with her, in fact. 1 1/2 years, about now. She isn't the most beautiful person in the world, 12 years older then me, and may not be the best person in terms of personality. I love her though. Anyway, our experience has not been good. Being together has not been the best thing for us. We have relapsed together 3 times. We have been homeless together. We have hurt each other. There has been much pain in our relationship.
We were both sick when we got together, even though we were clean and sober. Our character defects were still survival skills to us, some still are. It's been a bumpy road. The only reason we're still together is we are very hard headed and stubborn. And there's that funny thing there, we care about each other. I call it love.
Long story short, I wouldn't recommend it based on experience. It didn't turn out as well as being alone probably would have. I have to get to know me and let God work on me before I can get to know her and let God work on us together.
We actually separated for a short time to work on us, pray about being together and overall just be alone for a time, living the program. It helped, but we are still sick.
Being sick together is one heck of a challenge xD
Also, I just have to add, reading through the thread.... No one has any right to say #$^! about your choices, or do anything to you because they disapprove. Last I checked there was a 9th tradition saying we are not organized. It's explained in the 12x12 in AA that this particular definition of organization means that no one has any right to enforce anything. Period. There's also a 2nd tradition that states we have no ultimate authority save God. And a 12th tradition that calls for humility and a practice of principles. And a .... You get the point.
I can do anything I am willing to pay the consequences for, and no one has any right to correct me unless I ask them. In my opinion that includes my sponsor. I was taught that not following spiritual principles can end in relapse, maybe death. There are no 12-step police to put me back on track, but I've relapsed due to not following spiritual principles.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
If she has any recovery at all she will stay the heck away from you.
You being in early recovery are in no position to be getting involved with anyone. As newcomers we are very vulnerable and the whole lust thing and crush thing is just our addiction manifesting itself in another area of our lives. We get a little high when we see that one person at the meeting. We get excited.
Emotionally we are not ready to be in any relationship in early recovery. I have heard in NA and AA recommend you wait a year before you even begin dating. If you start dating someone in the program.
1. If it doesn't work out it could send you back out to your drug of choice.
2. It will cause tension for you and the other person at the meetings if it doesn't work out.
3, It creates drama.
4, Now you are avoiding meetings because the other person is there.
If she gets involved with you I would really question her integrity and her program. First and foremost if she has been around for awhile she is the one with more recovery knowledge and she should know better then to approach a vulnerable newcomer. Save yourself a huge mistake.
You being in early recovery are in no position to be getting involved with anyone. As newcomers we are very vulnerable and the whole lust thing and crush thing is just our addiction manifesting itself in another area of our lives. We get a little high when we see that one person at the meeting. We get excited.
Emotionally we are not ready to be in any relationship in early recovery. I have heard in NA and AA recommend you wait a year before you even begin dating. If you start dating someone in the program.
1. If it doesn't work out it could send you back out to your drug of choice.
2. It will cause tension for you and the other person at the meetings if it doesn't work out.
3, It creates drama.
4, Now you are avoiding meetings because the other person is there.
If she gets involved with you I would really question her integrity and her program. First and foremost if she has been around for awhile she is the one with more recovery knowledge and she should know better then to approach a vulnerable newcomer. Save yourself a huge mistake.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: little rock, ar
Posts: 151
everyone that has nay real time in our group met their sig other in the group. there are 3 married couples that met in the rooms that go to our groups, and about another 3-4 couples.
there is this one new chick who is pretty decent looking and it's funny she admitted that she has a BF, and there is another guy up ther and she was talking to him and then when talking to him and dating the other dude, she had sex with another gu y in the meeting lol, then she had the nerve to ask me on a scale of 1 to 10 what would i rate her. i was like um.. errrk. back that up. no. lol. i don't care how cute you are you are a relapse waiting to happen babe because you are still acting like a drug addict.
i never want to be the guy who has to 13th step to get girls. i meanif you met someone that just knocks you off your feet that's one thing but i mean, NA meetings shouldn't be your primary source of companionship
there is this one new chick who is pretty decent looking and it's funny she admitted that she has a BF, and there is another guy up ther and she was talking to him and then when talking to him and dating the other dude, she had sex with another gu y in the meeting lol, then she had the nerve to ask me on a scale of 1 to 10 what would i rate her. i was like um.. errrk. back that up. no. lol. i don't care how cute you are you are a relapse waiting to happen babe because you are still acting like a drug addict.
i never want to be the guy who has to 13th step to get girls. i meanif you met someone that just knocks you off your feet that's one thing but i mean, NA meetings shouldn't be your primary source of companionship
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: little rock, ar
Posts: 151
there is one particular girl in our home group that i would not mind dating at all. she's got 3 years clean, good head on her sholders. and she's single too. but im nt at a point where i am ready for that yet. maybe by the end of the year or so. but i am pretty sure there is some mutual interest.
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