augustwest

any advice? i'm honored to be in this position and really want to be helpful but also know that he's gonna do what he's gonna do. I don't have a specific question, yet, just looking for some ESH on the matter. Thanks.

Missybuns

If you have a sponsor and have worked the steps to the best of your ability you will be fine!

Sugah

Remain humble.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

kj3880

What you are not:
his parents
his boss
a bank
the daycare center
a dumping ground
a 24-hour hotline
a complete network in one man
a professional marriage counselor
a psychiatrist
a medical doctor
superman
God/Higher Power

What you can be:

Hopefully, you're someone who's on a further page in your recovery, so able to help with understanding stepwork.
A caring but objective listener
Someone with whom he can check things out with.
If he chooses to be honest with you, you can help hold him accountable for progress in recovery.
A voice of sanity in the often crazy times in early recovery
Honest.

If he asked you to sponsor him, you must have something he wants. And that's good news, isn't it? For so long, most of us didn't have anything anybody wanted! It's a good feeling to be admired, so enjoy how far you've come, because you don't sound like it's going to your head.

Love,
KJ

augustwest

it's definitely not going to my head, though i do feel truly honored and humbled that someone looks to me as a person with something they want. i was a disaster not very long ago. this will certainly be an exercise is acceptance and letting go. i want him to succeed and not make the mistakes i, and others have made. but i am powerless over his choices i know. i already am gaining an understanding of how sponsorship is a two way street, as i'm getting a whole lot out of this already. thanks

huntsober

Be careful who you sponsor, cuz they might end up sponsoring you..LoL

Gmoney

For me, when it comes to sponsoring others, I keep the Golden Rule in mind. I treat them like I would like to be treated and I make sure I share with them honestly...no advice...just experience. I also keep in mind that we give away what we have in order to keep it. As long as I know who I gave it to, I can always go back to them for it when I need it (2 way street). lol

augustwest

i picked up the sponsorship book over the weekend and read it. lots of great info in there. things are going great for him so far, and this whole thing has already deepened my understanding and appreciation of this program. i'm truly blessed.

Wolfchild

What a wonderful opportunity to strengthen your recovery by helping someone in a sponsorship relationship!!

i have found it very beneficial in listening to what my sponsees tell me about what they are going thru, but not getting caught up in the details. Putting their spiritual welfare first helps me to talk about the exact nature of things with them in a kind & caring way. Often, it comes down to just helping them to see things in a new way and to identify the various possibilities of doing something different that will help them to grow. i reinforce the necessity for continious application of principles that will help them to carry the message of recovery in the way they live. i encourage my sponsees to build a support group of other recovering addicts and to maintain those relationships regularly. i openly discuss matters with my sponsor about how to more effectively guide my sponsees in their recovery. i receive alot of benefits from praying for my sponsees and asking God for insight about what is at hand. What matters most is letting them know how much of a 'WE' thing this way of life really is!

augustwest

listening is truly an important thing. i've found a tendency to want to talk, or interrupt with my experience or explanation of the situation he is facing. but i remind myself to pause, and listen. for me, sponsorship is certainly an antidote for my self-centeredness.

jdaviscpd

I was given this advice: "Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of the mind and body which accompany it. Keep his attention focused mainly on your personal experience...you may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution...he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you...outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him...Having had the experience yourself you can give him much practical advice... It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him...Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy." And in the process you are "taking out a little more insurance for yourself against a possible slip." Remember, "Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics." -Quotes from Alcoholics Anonymous. And from what I've seen, if a person really truly wants to get and stay sober there is nothing wrong that you can say. If a person really truly does not want to get and stay sober, there is nothing right you can say.

jdaviscpd

Hmm... thread is 2 years old. Didn't mean to quote specifically about alcoholism on the narcotics thread. Although I believe whether it's heroin, pills, or booze we share a common solution.

TSDD

What I try to do is to take the guy to a variety of meetings, introduce him to the people I know take staying clean seriously and are solid and helpful, get them some books and encourage them to read them if they are so inclined.

The only answer I have for someone is that they'll find their answers in meetings.

The best thing I've learned to do is to not give a bunch of advice. I get a really wierd question and I'll say "That's a good question. I don't really know the answer, but I'll ask around and get back to you on that". They'll almost never ask again because there will be a new crisis the next day. IMO my job is to take him where the magic happens and show him what I do, not to micro-manage his life or give advice on things way above my pay grade.

Don't let it get to your head if the guy stays clean and don't take it personal if he lies to you, dumps all over you, robs you, uses, etc. etc.

shockozulu

This brings back a memory of when I first 'got' sponsorship earlier this year. A former sponsee, she's moved out of state since, told me she'd relapsed they day before. I told her how proud I was she'd admitted it and was clean TODAY.