Step Work
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Step Work
Im currently working on my 4th step. When I wrote in the other three steps, I would set aside 15 minutes at least everyday. Now I'm 3 months into my 4th step and it's so hard to work on everyday. I've found myself really only getting things out on paper about once every three days. Was this a slow process for anyone else? My sponsor and I meet every monday and we talk (we talk on the phone every day too) about life on it's terms, and also go over my step work. But, I just don't feel like I'm getting as much done as I did on the first 3 steps. My sponsor tells me everyone is different in the time/quality it takes to get a thorough 4th step. A lot of my sponsorship brothers, took a long time too. I just would like a little advice outside my sponsorship family.
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: laughing at my avatar
Posts: 1,636
hi moontime
my name is dotcom and im an addict. DOS 01-17-03.
you put me to shame! i havent been working my steps as thoroughly as you! andy has a good point. ive been on my fourth for about 2 months now. and i really need to set some time aside every day to work it. i dont have any answers, but your post really spoke to me. thanx
dotcom
my name is dotcom and im an addict. DOS 01-17-03.
you put me to shame! i havent been working my steps as thoroughly as you! andy has a good point. ive been on my fourth for about 2 months now. and i really need to set some time aside every day to work it. i dont have any answers, but your post really spoke to me. thanx
dotcom
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: FL
Posts: 39
Hey moontime,
I am also working on my fourth step.
I started it about 3 months ago and got through the resentments and that's about it so far.
Are you working from the NA Step guide?
I found that book to be a huge help.
I have to admit that I haven't done much in the past month but my sponsor says he gives his sponsees a six month grace period for the fourth step.
Everyone I know that has worked a fourth step and stayed clean took their time.
The first one I did several years ago was with an AA sponsor.
We didn't use any giude. He basically had me write about how I wrong others and how I was wronged by others. It was ok at the time and I was able to get some important stuff out, but it didn't deal with some core issues. I felt like I was under a time crunch and kind of rushed through it.
Eventually I used again. I don't blame my old sponsor or even how that fourth step went but this time I want to be thorough.
I don't want to talk about events so much as attitudes, feelings and ways of thinking.
In the words of Stevie Ray Vaughn "churning up the past, there's no easier way'. It's all about being honest about the past and the present.
Good luck and God Bless,
bobbyd
I am also working on my fourth step.
I started it about 3 months ago and got through the resentments and that's about it so far.
Are you working from the NA Step guide?
I found that book to be a huge help.
I have to admit that I haven't done much in the past month but my sponsor says he gives his sponsees a six month grace period for the fourth step.
Everyone I know that has worked a fourth step and stayed clean took their time.
The first one I did several years ago was with an AA sponsor.
We didn't use any giude. He basically had me write about how I wrong others and how I was wronged by others. It was ok at the time and I was able to get some important stuff out, but it didn't deal with some core issues. I felt like I was under a time crunch and kind of rushed through it.
Eventually I used again. I don't blame my old sponsor or even how that fourth step went but this time I want to be thorough.
I don't want to talk about events so much as attitudes, feelings and ways of thinking.
In the words of Stevie Ray Vaughn "churning up the past, there's no easier way'. It's all about being honest about the past and the present.
Good luck and God Bless,
bobbyd
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Hey Bobby,
I too am on resentments and obviously seeing my patterns. I am using the step guide too. It's a great help, but I couldn't have gone through with this without a sponsor, I'm digging up some serious doo-doo about me and my resentments.
Thank you, good luck to you too.
I too am on resentments and obviously seeing my patterns. I am using the step guide too. It's a great help, but I couldn't have gone through with this without a sponsor, I'm digging up some serious doo-doo about me and my resentments.
Thank you, good luck to you too.
Certified NA Counselor
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Newport Beach Ca., US
Posts: 458
Originally posted by bobbyd
Everyone I know that has worked a fourth step and stayed clean took their time.
Everyone I know that has worked a fourth step and stayed clean took their time.
Upon arriving at home I proceeded with making my list. It was a short one, basicly my family and a couple x girl friends along with gereralized offences to society. The next day I began seeking to practice the principles of my matenance steps of 9,10,11 and 12.
Not only have I been successful with this experience, I have also experienced the miricle of the release from obsession. I have not had an obsession since, thats been many years now.
I share this because I have never seen anyone fail from exerting too much time and energy in taking their steps promptly and dilligantly. I have seen many people being to apathetic and 'taking their time' with this life and death matter. Many have died.
I believe that these steps were meant to have been taken in a matter of days not months or years. I have researched the sucesses of those involved with developing the 12 Step recovery plan. That was their course of action. Bill W. had taken his steps while in the hospitol. Dr. Bob was on his 9th his first day.
some thoughts
andyaddict
Los Angeles
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
It seems that some place in our literature there needs to be a clarication...There is an infinate gap between writing steps and practicing them.
mornin Andy, That's awesome!. I love to hear how it works for each of us... I have a wonderful brother in my recovery circle that is a step writing monster! It's always inspiring to hear him share.
I am sure that when you did your 4th, the step working guide, wasn't available. I don't know anyone who has been able to complete a 4th step from it in 24 hrs.
Thats what we are all searching for the freedom from the obsession and the peace of mind and serenity that comes with it. Working the steps has been the best way for me to find that peace.
"Many have died".. too many ..and while I agree that working the steps is the answer, EACH OF US MUST BE AFFORDED OUR OWN PACE AND PROCESS. I know some that HAVE worked diligantly, and promptly, and died anyway, in way too much of a hurry to live up to some sort of implied standard. And I know others that have been driven away by some of us step monsters, because they couldn't fathom the pace. Remember it's a program of attraction rather than promotion and we can appear to push too hard. Some may leave. Hopefully they live to return and recognize the value of the steps by applying them to the best of their ability in their lives. I do not suggest this to argue what works for you or me, or anyone else, only to provide reassurance to those who feel that their pace isn't up to some sort of standard, to stick around, keep trying, and receive the freedom.
your belief is what works for you... as it says in chapter 5..
"What can I do?"
"Begin your own program by taking Step One from the previous chapter, "How It Works". When we fully concede to our innermost selves that we are powerless over our addiction, we have taken a big step in our recovery. Many of us have had some reservations at this point, so give yourself a break and be as thorough as possible from the start. Go on to Step Two, and so forth, and as you go on you will come to an understanding of the program for yourself."[/QUOTE]
While it may say in our reading "we didn't become addicted in one day so, Easy Does it..." I don't interpret that to mean that we can simply show up to meetings, hang around and experience a new way of life by clinging to my old patterns and attitudes.
There is work to be done, and since the Steps seem to work so well for others, it became clear to me that I would need to learn about them and how to apply them, if I wanted the serenity I saw in others. My ways are what got me loaded. I needed guidance to get different results than what I got in active addiction. I used to wonder why things weren't getting better. After all I was staying clean, going to meetings, and reading, writing, and discussing the steps. Why wasn't my life improving? I have to tell you that I almost gave up many times over. I didn't feel I had what others were getting from their application of the steps. Then I had an awakening that changed everything for me. I was getting what I needed! My results were tailored for me as a result of my application of the steps in my life. After that I stopped worrying about "how long it was taking" and settled in to just enjoying recovery and being grateful for the results in my life.
Originally posted by andyaddict
When I was 'ready' I put pen to paper and finished my 4th Step in one night. Wasting no time, since for me recovery was a matter of life and death, I took my 5th within 3 days. Immediatly after the 5th, being entirely ready, I prayed my way out of it with my 7th.
When I was 'ready' I put pen to paper and finished my 4th Step in one night. Wasting no time, since for me recovery was a matter of life and death, I took my 5th within 3 days. Immediatly after the 5th, being entirely ready, I prayed my way out of it with my 7th.
I am sure that when you did your 4th, the step working guide, wasn't available. I don't know anyone who has been able to complete a 4th step from it in 24 hrs.
Not only have I been successful with this experience, I have also experienced the miricle of the release from obsession. I have not had an obsession since, thats been many years now.
I share this because I have never seen anyone fail from exerting too much time and energy in taking their steps promptly and dilligantly. I have seen many people being to apathetic and 'taking their time' with this life and death matter. Many have died.
I believe that these steps were meant to have been taken in a matter of days not months or years. I have researched the sucesses of those involved with developing the 12 Step recovery plan. That was their course of action. Bill W. had taken his steps while in the hospitol. Dr. Bob was on his 9th his first day.
some thoughts
some thoughts
"What can I do?"
"Begin your own program by taking Step One from the previous chapter, "How It Works". When we fully concede to our innermost selves that we are powerless over our addiction, we have taken a big step in our recovery. Many of us have had some reservations at this point, so give yourself a break and be as thorough as possible from the start. Go on to Step Two, and so forth, and as you go on you will come to an understanding of the program for yourself."[/QUOTE]
While it may say in our reading "we didn't become addicted in one day so, Easy Does it..." I don't interpret that to mean that we can simply show up to meetings, hang around and experience a new way of life by clinging to my old patterns and attitudes.
There is work to be done, and since the Steps seem to work so well for others, it became clear to me that I would need to learn about them and how to apply them, if I wanted the serenity I saw in others. My ways are what got me loaded. I needed guidance to get different results than what I got in active addiction. I used to wonder why things weren't getting better. After all I was staying clean, going to meetings, and reading, writing, and discussing the steps. Why wasn't my life improving? I have to tell you that I almost gave up many times over. I didn't feel I had what others were getting from their application of the steps. Then I had an awakening that changed everything for me. I was getting what I needed! My results were tailored for me as a result of my application of the steps in my life. After that I stopped worrying about "how long it was taking" and settled in to just enjoying recovery and being grateful for the results in my life.
Certified NA Counselor
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Newport Beach Ca., US
Posts: 458
Originally posted by bobbyd
Just curious,
how does one become a "certified NA counselor".
bobbyd
Just curious,
how does one become a "certified NA counselor".
bobbyd
I started going to meetings in that area and introducing myself as a professional NA intern, only haveing to complete a few more hours of meeting attendance to become a 'certified NA counselor.' Therefore, giving me the privigledge of shareing direction, opinion and advice instead of personal experience, stregnth and hope.
andyaddict
Los Angeles
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
Originally posted by andyaddict
I started going to meetings in that area and introducing myself as a professional NA intern, only haveing to complete a few more hours of meeting attendance to become a 'certified NA counselor.' Therefore, giving me the privigledge of shareing direction, opinion and advice instead of personal experience, stregnth and hope.
andyaddict
Los Angeles
I started going to meetings in that area and introducing myself as a professional NA intern, only haveing to complete a few more hours of meeting attendance to become a 'certified NA counselor.' Therefore, giving me the privigledge of shareing direction, opinion and advice instead of personal experience, stregnth and hope.
andyaddict
Los Angeles
Certified NA Counselor
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Newport Beach Ca., US
Posts: 458
Originally posted by Gooch
mornin Andy, That's awesome!. I love to hear how it works for each of us...
I am sure that when you did your 4th, the step working guide, wasn't available. I don't know anyone who has been able to complete a 4th step from it in 24 hrs.
mornin Andy, That's awesome!. I love to hear how it works for each of us...
I am sure that when you did your 4th, the step working guide, wasn't available. I don't know anyone who has been able to complete a 4th step from it in 24 hrs.
Nope, absolutly not. I did, however, participate in the development process of the Guide. Many of those in our committee agreed that the Guide may be too comprehensive, so long and detailed, it might deture a willing newcomer. We did agree that a person, with a little foundation that sought a deeper understanding, could find some of that understanding if they sought it threw the Guide.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: FL
Posts: 39
I think appointing titles such as this can be confusing and misleading to a newcomer.
They may actually think that you are some sort of authority for NA.
Many times I see people in this program use the word "suggestions".
One dictionary definition of advice is "To reccomend;suggest."
So in reality isn't that what we're doing?
When I was desperate to get clean I didn't want to hear "suggestions", I wanted answers, advice and direction.
bobbyd
They may actually think that you are some sort of authority for NA.
Many times I see people in this program use the word "suggestions".
One dictionary definition of advice is "To reccomend;suggest."
So in reality isn't that what we're doing?
When I was desperate to get clean I didn't want to hear "suggestions", I wanted answers, advice and direction.
bobbyd
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Burlington,NC
Posts: 5
andy's just using his keen sense of humor!Sometimes "I" get too serious and need a few laughs to lighten up.This is a life-or-death situation,I know,but I've been the same recovery road as andy has concerning this!!Too many therapists,not enough E,S & H!!
Back to the topic.I've grown in my recovery to come to believe that if I take too long to work the steps,I lose,and the disease is working O.T.
Back to the topic.I've grown in my recovery to come to believe that if I take too long to work the steps,I lose,and the disease is working O.T.
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