A Sponsorship Guide For 12 Step Programs by M.T.

[stayinsober]

I'm just fresh at recovering on day 5! I'm currently reading the AA book.Went to an AA meeting which is on wednesdays.Have finally made up my mind I'm going to make it through this with help from others, the book and my higher power. So forgive me of the stupid question ....Where do I get a sponsor? Is it at the AA meeting? How do you go about it? I mean do you just ask a retired alcoholic to sponsor you?LOL I know it's a dumb quest. and I was kicking it around.I'm shy unless I drink and so there for I didn't ask at the meeting I suppose I can when I get to know them better along with myself.Thanks everyone

[kj3880]

Are you going to meetings regularly? The reason I ask is, all of these answers become very clear if you attend more meetings for a while. Once a week wasn't enough for me. For one thing, the other members (there is no such thing as a retired alcoholic, just other alcoholics maybe further along in the recovery process then you are now.) don't get to know you or take you seriously as seeking recovery unless they see you around regularly for a bit. If you spend time at AA, hang around before and after the meetings, listen to the sharing, you'll find someone who has what you want in a sponsor. It takes a time commitment to do this thing.

Love,
KJ

[lisamazsam]

You are welcome. Congrats on your decision to stay clean and sober. I picked a sponsor by finding someone that I can identify with and goes to meetings on a regular basis. Sober time isn't an issue for me especially when I hear someone sharing from the heart and hear working knowledge of the steps. There are temporary sponsors, who sponsor until one finds a permanent sponsor. I found my current sponsor in my homegroup.
I went to 90 meetings in 90 days and found that it really helped to get to know everyone and form a good foundation. I was lucky enough to have that many meetings in my area. If you are educated. I suggest 180 in 180 as the disease is Smarter. lol

Grateful to laugh at myself today,
Lisa

[stayinsober]

Thanks for the info everyone1 yes I'm going to AA meetings but only a few so far as this is only day 6 for me but I am really serious about staying sober this time I want to do everything i can

[ProgramChild]

When I sponsor someone I basically give them my experience. I was told that I can only give away what I had, and all that I had was what I was given. I went through all 12 steps in one day with a sponsor and then later began attending 12 step workshops. So my requirement for my sponsee is that within the first week we must get together and go through all 12 steps, and then they must attend one of the workshops and if possible bring a newcomer. I know many others who work this process and I have seen some amazing things happen.

As one of my fellows has said "All of my sponsees have been a success, I have not relapsed. Yea, some of them are dead, but I'm still clean!" I don't sponsor because of you, I sponsor because of me, and I give you the tools to do the same. Our literature tells us that our best defense against relapse is working with a newcomer.

[lisamazsam]

Wow the 12 steps in one day is a neat concept that is new to me. I like it. My experience is that I can work the steps at my own pace. I sponsor the same way. I have been ask, "Am I doing this so fast that I might be missing something?" My experience is that I learn something new everytime I work the step again. I have been told that we will never truely get it all. It's a simple program, but it's the hardest thing I've ever done. It's like eating an elephant, one bite at a time.

Grateful to make mistakes today
Lisa

[Gmoney]

Originally Posted by ProgramChild

Our literature tells us that our best defense against relapse is working with a newcomer.

NA literature says:

"The steps are our solution. They are our survival kit. They are our defense against addiction which is a deadly disease." - Basic Text, pg 19

"We have never seen a person who lives the Narcotics Anonymous Program relapse." - Basic Text, pg. 76

"Our experience reveals that working the steps is our best guarantee against relapse." - Basic Text, pg. 55

ProgramChild, please provide where it says our best defense against relapse is working with a newcomer. I don't ever recall reading that.....

My experience is that I can work the steps at my own pace. I sponsor the same way. I have been ask, "Am I doing this so fast that I might be missing something?"

Well said Lisa, and my experience is similar. The steps aren't a race and simply talking, reading and discussing them in a short period isn't the same thing as working or living the steps. I could provide a quote from our literature that says something about pondering and discussing the steps isn't sufficient for us, but I don't have time right now. The program is simple...not easy. What we have to give away is experience, strength and hope...from LIVING the program, and I contend that a person who rushes through the steps in a day has no more experience to give away than the person who stayed clean and didn't.

I'm just sayin...

[SteppingItUp]

Originally Posted by Gmoney

ProgramChild, please provide where it says our best defense against relapse is working with a newcomer. I don't ever recall reading that.....

Step Twelve (p. 50 of the Basic Text; How It Works):

"By this time, most of us realise that the only way we can keep what was given to us is by sharing this new gift of life with the still-suffering addict. This is our best defense against relapse to the torturous existence of using. We call it carrying the message, and we do it in a number of ways."

Happy New Year everyone!

Big hugs and lots of love to all.

[Gmoney]

Thanks SteppingItUp...good try, but the qoute you provided doesn't mention a newcomer...it says, "the still-suffering addict." As most of us already know, that could be any addict who is suffering - regardless of clean time. And as our literature says, carrying the message is done in a number of ways...but it most certainly isn't restricted to just newcomers. LOL

[lisamazsam]

The newcomer is the MOST important person at any meeting, because we can only keep what we have by giving it away." For me, I get chill bumps when a newcomer shares with their butt on fire. It reminds me that I am only one bad decision from a firey butt. That decision being to pick up a mind altering substance. Most of all it reminds me to work the steps, because the steps are THE key to recover.


Like Gmoney I agree that working the steps is my best defense against relapse. I disagree with GMoney in that

Any attempt at steps are better than no attempt in my opinion.
Please note that working them backwards can lead to relapse. I call this the twelve steps to Hell. Very painful in my experience.

I learned to work them in order and in the order they come in.
Grateful to listen and discuss issues,
Lisa

[larrylive]

Just my way of bookmarking, I'll be back

Larry

[larrylive]

Well, as I make my way through..this thread, this program, this life, I learn or realize more and more. It scares me to think of some of the advise that is given, based solely on the comfort of the advisor.
A day, a week, a month clean is not neccessarily an indictation that someone has an understanding of the program, although they very well may. Conversely neither does having 10yrs mean that a person is working the program. A person may qiut cold-turkey and stay clean for the rest of their life, but for one reason or another enjoys the company of the type of people generally found in meetings. Particularly if they can be view as having status, ie; being a sponsor.
Misery loves company, and the rooms of AA/NA are packed. And it seems that out of fear, there are those that would demand attendance indefinately. As if one day they might be the only one left?
As I read and re-read the Big Book and Basic Text, I have yet to find mention that a life long commitment is reqiured at meetings, among other contradictions and edits/amendments to the program.
If your heart is genuine, then you will know what you need to do. Attendance at meetings is not reqiured, but participation in life is.

Larry