A Sponsorship Guide For 12 Step Programs by M.T.

[Pernell Johnson]

Suzanne; There are many things. One of them is time, about moving into the future and dealing with changes. When I didn't know how to do something, she's always said, "You don't have to know how. God knows how." When I was newly sober, things were a big deal for me. She did something with me that was very helpful: she'd say, "Okay, I'm going to write this down right now, and I'm going to ask you about it later." And two weeks, even a month, later she'd say, "Remember what was going on February twelfth, at 12:00 in the afternoon, that was such a big deal?" I could never remember it. It helped me put into perspective that all of this fear driven, negative drama I would generate really wasn't a big deal, except in my own mind. It helped me become more grounded and get a better perspective on life.

Charles; He told me I was not the program. He also said I was not the message either. I remember that most of all. And the best thing I could do was to drive over and pick somebody up and take them to a meeting.

Leigh; Feelings aren't facts. Working with others. To read. To keep working my program. That I could call at any time. I needed to know I could call.

M.T.; That you can go through recovery as many people do-----dragging your feet-----or you can soar like a bird. The best is to soar. That's the real reason we're in recovery, for the spiritual awakening. All of us in these fellowships have one thing in common----the fact that we feel disconnected from society in a profound way. The steps, the spiritual awakening, get us connected in a profound way.

Bea; Things that build my self-discipline, like having me sit in front of the room, just sit. When I'm at a meeting, as a newcomer, in the first few years, to sit in the front of the room and just listen. My sponsor taught me so many things; sahe taught me about compulsiveness and that the opposite of compulsiveness is control, thinking things out. She taught me a lot about spirit, about God. I had big trouble with God; it was a big problem. She had me doing spiritual affirmations, and she made me commit to doing them for short periods of time. I always did them. I had so much ego that, if I said I was going to do them, I did them. With me, even if I didn't want to do it., I had so much ego, I just got up and did it anyway, grudgingly, but I did it. That's the stuff that changed me. And I guess that comes that comes back to discipline too, self-discipline. When I call my sponsor, when something's going on, she makes my actions real clear for me. I feel like she knows me well. She'll put the step out that applies; she goes right to whichever it is, just pulls it and makes it clear for me. That's what I can give to the women that I sponsor. That's what I try to give. I don't know if I do, but I try to.

[Pernell Johnson]

Danny; One of the most important things I heard was that I had to get rid of my reservations about using, that I had to make a total surrender. I was around here for a long time (five or six years) before I did that. It was the fact that I had to do it for myself. I think those are the two strongest, most important things I got, aside from the basics that every body hears in meetings and reads in the Basic Text. It's really losing your reservations and not trying to do it for somebody else or to please somebody else. One more thing is that I'm not a bad person. I had to be told that a whole lot, because I came in with a lot of guilt, and that was the cycle that kept me using. The fact that this is a new life is such a message.

Don; My sponsor taught me about love. About getting involved in service. We've talked and done inventories ever since. He taught me it was about cleaning up our stuff and changing the way we've been. God has created a miracle,so, "Don't mess up the miracle." He helped me to discern what's valid from invalid. He gave me direction other than "share with the group" when someone's not around to share with. I tell my sponsees, "Your hand doesn't need to be up at every meeting unless you have a problem." Now I know how to work a program.

[Pernell Johnson]

Don; My sponsor taught me about love. About getting involved in service. We've talked and done inventories ever since. He taught me it was about cleaning up our stuff and changing the way we've been. God has created a miracle, so, "Don't mess up the miracle." He helped me to discern what's valid from invalid. He gave me direction other than "share with the group" when someone's not around to share with. I tell my sponsees, "Your hand doesn't need to be up at every meeting unless you have a problem." Now I know how to work a program.

Marge; The first thing is God is the answer to just staying physically sober, not that God's not the answer to everything, but once I released any control of the drinking or using and allowed that to reside with my Higher Power, I had marvelous freedom to work the rest of the steps and start unloading what was in the way of loving for me. Without that first process, I wou expended a lot of energy fighting off alcohol and staying sober; I don't think that's necessary at all. I had a lot of emotional work to do, and I simply could not have gone through these processes, or today go through those processes on different levels, while fighting off alcohol and drugs with my other hand. This doesn't work that way.

The other ting I was told that made this absolutely the highest calling in my life at this time was that I can be involved. I always thought I had a purpose, but I had no clue what that was. There were some things that were told to me that made staying sober , and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety was absolutely the most marvelous thing I was meant to do. I was told the drinking part of alcoholism was neither bad nor good, it was a state of being other than recovery, and the whole point was to move into recovery. But I hear a lot of people in AA justifying being in the recovery experience by having to constantly reaffirm that their drinking experience was bad. If it was bad, we would not have done it. Alcoholics are a lot of things, but we are not stupid. If it wasn't working for us or if we had an indication that it was all over, most of us got sober, but as long as there was a glimmer of hope, we kept using that remedy, that solution.

Recovery is a state of being; sobriety is a state of being; it's ongoing and not static---it's ever unfolding. To become immersed in the program from the very beginning, it's the most important thing I can do. Tris talked about the difference between having a map (which is having the steps in writing) and being in the territory (which means incorporating those steps internally and immersing yourself in that process, instead of standing outside of the process) as being the most important thing you can do. I believe that was true for me. I see it being true for the people I sponsor. The preciousness of the ability to love, which comes out of discarding whatever is in the way of that, has been stressed to me over and over and over again. I thin it is because I didn't know that's what I was looking for when I came here. I was looking for loving and the ability to love and had no idea that's what I was seeking. That has been made clear to me through sponsors over and over and over again, either verbally or by loving me or providing me with a nonjudgemental pool in which to do my work. I've realized that what I'm here for. Tris used to say that alcoholism is actually the cure for what is reporting to be the disease.

[Pernell Johnson]

Mariasha; The most healing thing my sponsor has ever said to me is there aren't any rules, except that you can't use and be in my house. Whenever I've called her with any kind of self-reproach for not doing what I should be doing, or could be doing, or not meeting any expectation with her, whether they be mine or hers, she has always comforted me and said, "I don't have any expectations of you; I'm here to support you; you call me as often as you need to, or you feel you want to. But, I don't need anything more from you than for you to utilize me at whatever pace you feel comfortable." I think that's been the most important thing for me and what I pass on, that being sponsored should not be pressure. She has never put any kind of pressure or burden on me.


J.P.; The power of prayer: through it all, all things are attainable. To do it from the heart. The answer to the disease is the program. The answer to the program is the steps. The answer to the steps is God.


Ed; To keep it simple. When I finished with my step work, I asked him what to do next. He said, "Now you live your life." That's it. No search for the Holy Grail, no pie in the sky intellectual theory, just simple showing up for life. He's not one for intellectual musing. He goes more for the heart. And I noticed he's right. When someone is sharing from his head, it may be fun for a while, but then it gets meaningless. When someone shares from his heart, he has my complete attention. Somehow you can tell. I don't know how, but you can. So I try to stay out of my head. He says a sponsor is someone who helps you to sort out your head, because he has some distance from you. You are too close to what's going on in your head. I had a really complicated, intellectual way of working the steps with my sponsees. When I showed it to him, after he finished laughing, he suggested I simplify it. I did.

[Pernell Johnson]

Patrice; There were several things she said to me that I feel were very important to my recovery. One of them was her ability to sound like a broken record each time we talked, stressing to me not todrink or use, no matter what! I think she said it that often so that each and every one of my cells got the message. She did that throughout my first year and well into my second, after that only on special occasions such as disasters or celebrations. She also brought my attention to my abusive "self-talk." She even hung up the phone pn me one day, saying she never listens to anyone bad mouth a friend of hers the way I was bad mouthing myself! She told me to think of someone I loved and ask myself what would I say to this person if this happened in his or her life, then to say this to myself. She really helped me to learn to be more accepting and more loving of myself.

One other thing she said was that If I did what others had done before me, my insides would match my outside. That was pretty important to me because I never matched. I always walked around felling like if you really knew me you wouldn't like me. I didn't show that, nor did I show how frightened, lonely, and shy I was around people.

Jeanette; One of the most important things my sponsors told me was that my problems were not out there, they were internal. I always complained about my husband, life, etc. She made me focus on what was wrong with me, not society, the medical profession, the school system, etc.

Bob B.; I guess the biggest thing my sponsor Sandy told me is I could tell him anything. I could be honest, regardless of what it was. I wouldn't be put down, and I would be treated as a friend, rather than him reacting as more an adviser or some doctor. He was just another person. Let's talk on that level, talking the gut level down.

[Pernell Johnson]

Bob B.; "I don't have any problem with men sponsoring women. The bigger thing is the reason for doing it."

Question #1
Should you agree to sponsor someone of the opposite sex? Some thoughts on gay sponsorship: Is same sex/sexual preference sponsorship a problem? Are there special considerations when taking on a sponsee who is HIV+?

It is generally accepted that you chose someone of the same sex as your sponsor to "keep it simple" and avoid unecessary sex-related problems from arising. Also, the idea is to share with someone that you can relate to, because they too are male or female. Like a good big brother or sister----you're in the same family but they're older and have more experience. But what about people in recovery who are gay or lesbian? If they choose the same sex, they are also choosing sexual preference. If they choose the opposite sex, are they confronted with forming an intimate relationship with someone they may not be able to relate to because they may have less in common? What if you're heterosexual and you are asked by someone of the opposite sex to be their sponsor? What do you say? In the first part, our sponsors address these questions.

The second part deals with HIV+ people in recovery and some of the experiences of people who have sponsored them. The part will probably be enlightening to those in recovery who have been reluctant to sponsor people with HIV+ conditions, those who are sponsoring, and those who have the disease.

[Pernell Johnson]

Bob B.: I don't have any problem with men sponsoring women. The bigger thing is the reasons for doing it. I think we have to know what our motives are to process them, and not have problems with being willing to change the situation if problems arise. It might be okay at the moment but it might be wrong tomorrow. Right now, I'm not really confronted with that particular issue, but I'm not really against it. I think sometimes it could be a plus because sometimes we communicate different things to the opposite sex and sometimes there might be individuals who need that type of communication. Hopefully, the person he chooses to communicate with is going to direct him in a certain way, can get the information he needs, or be sensitive to his well being, and directly guide him through what the steps are not just a lot of personal things that become involved which are not directly related to recovery.

Mariasha: This is one of those unwritten NA rules that irritates me. I was asked only once by a gay man if I would sponsor him. It was a step study meeting in Hollywood that I attended regularly. It was mostly men who attended this meeting, but there were a few women. He felt he always identifirf with what I shared, that I had wisdom, and he wanted to reap the benefits of that wisdom. Would I work with him? It was a real struggle for me; I don't like to say no to somebody who is in need of help and is willing. But NA has this unspoken position: men work with men and women work with women. I suggested he could call me, and I'd be happy to talk with him. But I encouraged him to try to make a connection with another male, to look for the similarities rather than the differences. I tried to talk to him about what his resistance was about, in terms of not wanting to work with a man, to help him look at the competitiveness and the jealousy. I also tried to show him he was setting himself apart instead of seeing similarities, which was preventing him from finding a man that he could work with. I availed myself to him by phone. But he really didn't take too much advantage of it. He's called periodically through the years, when he has something that he's struggling with. I have mixed feelings about this. I don't work with people of the opposite sex. I'mnot a man; I don't have the experience of men. I think feelings cross socioeconomic status, racial status, and man/woman stuff. I don't know if you have to have had the same experience in order to be helpful to another human being. When I lost a baby and I was grieving, the people I got the most support from were people who were tender and sensitive. They weren't people who necessarily lost babies. All that did was affirm that you don't have to have the identical reality to benefit. So, could I help a man, not being a man? Probably, because people are people and feelings cross all those different lines. I think there's a part of me that's a people-pleaser. I don't choose to stir a lot of controversy

[Pernell Johnson]

Marge: I've sponsored several men. I've found that men don't ask me to sponsor them unless it's really meant to be. We're either very, very similar, or both the women and the men who I've sponsored usually have some issues dealing with sex they need to talk about and have the freedom to talk about. That's an area where I'm pretty okay. I asked my sponsor about that once, and she, with thirty-two years, said the case in which a woman can be helpful to a man is simply where someone is sexually unsure or has sexual questions and needs someone to be honest with him. Men tend to be able totalk to women more than they do men. about such things. I've found that in my own experience. Usually the men have moved on and gotten a male sponsor after I've done whatever work that seemed to be right with them. I think in the flip side of that, I've benefited totally from Tris, but he was not my sponsor. I think whether a woman gets a male sponsor depends absolutely on whether she has been used to manipulating men. The reason I think we have that line in AA is because we are illfitted to determine that when we're first sober. We simply repeat the same behavior sober that we did drinking, except it has a nicer facade on it. So, in order to prevent that kind of stuff, I think that's why we have the rule. But, I think everyone is different, and I don't have any problems with whatever the hookup is if it benefits both people.


Bea: I'd love to but I can't. I just couldn't. I've thought about it. I had a guy ask me if I'd be his sponsor. We just have such different needs. I really believe the men should be with the men and the women with the women. If I were to have had a male sponsor, my recovery would've been much different, I'm sure.

[namommy]

I hope it is OK for me to jump in here. I don't believe any of us have the right to judge what makes someone a "good" sponsor. Thank God this program is written to be "tailor fit" for "any addict". Just as we all have the right to a God of our own understanding, I believe that sponsorship is also personal. Just because one person may be right for me and another not, does not make either of them "good" or "bad", just right for me. Each of us has our own needs as individuals and we find those needs met in different ways. The person that was right for me in the beginning, is no longer my sponsor, but that doesn't mean she was a bad sponsor. And, just as important, the person who is right for me today is not better than her, she is just the right person to help me in the stage of my life now. I hope this makes sense.

Laurie D.

[Pernell Johnson]

J.P.; My ex-wife sponsored husbands and their wives and that was a very, very poor decision. When things were not good between the couple, the discussion on issues became a search for information on the other person.

No, either way---men sponsoring women and women sponsoring men. I've seen it happen that men who are sponsored by women are looking for affection (mothering usually), and it has nothing to do with recovery. I think it's belligerent and shows contempt for the program if you're a man sponsoring women and women with men unless you're gay

[Moontime]

This is what we do,

STEP WORKSHEET

Have the sponsee read IP# 11 on Sponsorship and answer the questions below.
What are 5 things my sponsor should expect from me?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

What are 5 things I expect from my Sponsor?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Living the Steps
Go thru these one at a time – perhaps one a week or do them as they correspond to a step. Call every (EVERY) Day and give an example of the item we are working on…
1. Step 1 - Learn how to FEEL powerless and ACT powerless by calling each day and relating an example from the day’s activities or keeping a journal.
2. Step 1 - Understand the unmanageability of life by seeing and relating examples every day. Unmanageability can come up with money, women (lust), impatience (driving), stealing, lying, etc.
3. Step 2 - What would it feel like to come to believe? To take a fearful situation and decide to have faith that it would be OK or take a habit like calling people and simply believe that by doing it every day things would get better. Chose a situation to share in a meeting or with your sponsor each day.
4. Step 3 - Notice a decision you made today. How did you make it? Tell your sponsor about the experience you drew upon, the people you consulted, the facts that were important. Did you pray or seek an answer thru meditation? After you made the decision, how did you feel?

Step 1 – We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Look up every word in Step 1 and define.

Then look up every reference of the following words found in the index of the Basic Text:
Powerless
Addiction
Unmanageable
Obsession
Compulsion
Self-centeredness
For each reference that you read ask yourself. “Is it meaningful? For example, with powerlessness -- Does it remind you of a time when you felt powerless or does it shed special light on the meaning of powerlessness? Write down your thoughts and how the statement or idea makes you feel. The feelings are what we want to get familiar with and put down on paper so they don’t eat us up inside.

Complete this step by rewriting Step 1 as it means to you today – in 25 words or less. Then answer a question – if I am powerless over my addiction, how am I staying clean today?

STEP WORKSHEET – Page 2

Step 2 – We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Look up every word in Step 2 and define.

Then look up every reference of the following words found in the index of the Basic Text:
Faith
Power
Higher Power
God
Open-minded
Insanity
For each reference that you read ask yourself. “Is it meaningful? Write down your thoughts and how the statement or idea makes you feel.

Complete this step by rewriting Step 2 as it means to you today – in 25 words or less.


Step 3 – We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the God as we understood Him.
Look up every word in Step 3 and define.

Then look up every reference of the following words found in the index of the Basic Text:
Will
Live
Care
For each reference that you read ask yourself. “Is it meaningful? Write down your thoughts and how the statement or idea makes you feel.

Complete this step by rewriting Step 3 as it means to you today – in 25 words or less.


Step 4 – We made a fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We have traditionally followed the booklet, “Working Step 4 in Narcotics Anonymous�, however, some sponsors/sponsees may want to work from the Step Working Guide. Due to the amount of writing and need to finish this step, our way has been to share sections of this step as they are completed rather than waiting to share the entire step. Thus, Step 5 is done in phases as it were and is incorporated as part of Step 4.

Step 6 & 7

1. Write the dictionary definition of each defect listed below.

2. Write a paragraph on how the defect shows up in your life.

3. Find the opposite/antonym of this defect.

4. Write a paragraph about how your life would be/or has been with this opposite characteristic.



anger arrogance avarice belligerence biased bickering blaming codependency combative condescending confrontational control covert deceit defiance demeaning destructive dishonesty ego envy
flippant foolish frustration gluttony grandiosity guarantee guilt inadequacy indifference insecurity infantile dependency intolerance isolation irresponsible jealousy
laziness lust mistrust obnoxious
obscene overbearing overcompensate petty
pride procrastination projecting rebellious retaliation revenge sarcasm selfishness
self-abuse self-contempt self-centeredness self-deception self-destruction self-doubt self-delusion self-distrust
self-expectation self-glorification self-hatred self-loathing
self-pity self-righteous self-serving self………
shame unreliable unworthy victim

Having completed an honest inventory, now the hard, ongoning, continuous work begins.
What does “your� disease of addiction look like without drugs? How do you manifest the other symptoms of addiction? This work will continue to serve you and support your recovery for as long as you desire to stay clean.

It is a privilege to be your sponsor.

phillip c

(suggested format for steps 6 & 7, adapted from Sidney R. and Bobby R.)

[servicejunkie]

I'm not sure if you guys are aware of this, but NA just approved a sponsorship BOOK that is just full of different opinions and views of what sponsorship is all about. Like 150-200 pages worth of "stuff". If you check around the web you can get a copy of it from this last years CAR report (Conference Agenda Report), or most regional service offices. Personally, I'm not a big fan of this book and don't really see a need for one, but I guess I just have to accept and trust "the process"

[pdgds333]

I love this post Parnell. Great stuff.

I can regurgitate the NA literature all day. But my sponsees need to know how I was able to take the words, understand their true gramatical meaning, and apply them to daily life.

I give my sponsees what I have been given by my sponser, no more- no less. Because the direction I receive from my sponser through the 12 steps is what has gotten me the peace most newcomers find attractive. Why not "more" you ask? Well because I can only give my own experiance with the steps and their application. Anything else is using my sponsees as recovery Ginea Pigs.

NA Mommy says "I don't believe any of us have the right to judge what makes someone a "good" sponsor. Thank God this program is written to be "tailor fit" for "any addict". Just as we all have the right to a God of our own understanding, I believe that sponsorship is also personal. Just because one person may be right for me and another not, does not make either of them "good" or "bad", just right for me."

Great stuff.

[Beloved]

Hi family sponsorship is a great topic, and I would like more than ever to share my experience, strength , and hope on the subject. First of all for me sponsorship is an honor, and privilege for anyone to seek my guidance, direction, and service of carrying the NA message of recovery. This also say that someone believes in me, and wants my help in there recovery process. Faith, and trust play a dynamic role in this uncovering, and discovering of self. What makes a good sponsor is a good sponsee. you only get out the program just what you are willing to put in. only you are responsible for your recovery. sponsorship is a two-way street, one addict helping another is with-out parellel. and I can only keep what I have by giving it a way one day at a time. A sponsor is another recovering addict, there are many ways to approach this service of teaching, learning, healing,acceptance, and developing of one's character and aiding in personal growth. now the spiritual growth is up to the sponsee ,I've learned that this is not about CONTROL . And when someone ask me to sponsor them then I myself must first check my motives. because this is a responsiblity, and commitment and a vital part of the recovery process. getting a sponsee is relativly easy all you have to do is show-up on a regular basis. But to keep a sponsee is something all together different. SEE we all come into the rooms with baggage, anger, resentments, lack of trust , self-worth , and self-esteem. Along with a hole lot of issues , there for I must be spiritually fit if not Then I can cloud the recovery message, and process with my mess and personality. so I must allow a GOD conscience to always be present seeking guidance, and direction, and the willingness to allow GOD'S Will , not mine be done in helping this very fraigle human being . walls must come down, can I really extent my hand to the still suffering ,and confussed addict. or is my life so full that now I don't seem to be as willing as before , once I realize the real challenge and effort that must be applyed here. See a sponsee helps me to continue in my process of growth on both a personal , and spiritual level. And also helps me to stay in touch with my sponsor, as well as other members in the fellowship. Which helps to increase my gratitude to GOD , the fellowship of NA , and to a new way of life through the desire , and willingness to surrender. I must not allow ego , or unfounded pride to get in the way. there are not big I's and little y"s on this jounrey. It's nice to be important, but I know that it's more important to just be nice. We develop long lasting relationships through sponsorship. also remembering that the sponsee may not get this program as quick as we did , don't be to quick to give-up on that person , that's why we say KEEP COMIN BACK! one day at a time, more will be revealed. do we as sponsors really have the patients, and tolerance that is needed. see we know that the sponsee must go to any length for this thing , But the question is What lenght are we as sponsors willing to go . See everyone is not meant to be a sponsor. and that's why I feel that a person should take there time in picking one.everyone in the rooms aren't necessarly there to recover remember some are sicker then others (YOU FILL ME!) , so we must also take that in account when shopping for a sponsor. See some of us can come to a meeting and share real good on the steps , and only show what we want to be revealed, because we became very good at that. but what about what's beneath the surface, the deep dark secerts , are we willing to share some of that. see it is said to be careful what you share in a meeting, But when I was shopping for my sponsor I needed someone that had been through the muck and marror and whom could, and would be willing and capable to walk me through the obstacles of life on life's terms. I needed to know that they had been delivered from a helpless, hopeless state of mind body , and spirit. but if you were not able to release the chains that which had you bound then you were not the sponsor for me . Because in the beginning when a person don't have s clue about the steps they need a place were they can feel love, and safety. And need to talk about just were they are , and we know that they are in pain the evidance was there when they walked in the room . so we need to allow them there process of openly sharing the pain. This is a program that focus on , and to allow the therapeutic value of our simularities , and not our differences to keep the newcomer , coming back. So I thank this site for being here for both the old-timer, and the new-comer , I'll keep comin (Beloved) , Blessed, and Highly favoured recovering Addict.

[wantneeda]

Wow!!!!!! I just read this thread from beginning to end, and I jus gotta say i feel a new light go on,really I'm almost in tears here.......I'm fairly new to recovery and have really felt at a stand still lately. I'm on step 6 and don't have a sponsor. By reading this i realize for me getting a sponsor must be my next mission. But besides that I feel a stronger urge to recover, that there is more to my recovery than is evident to me at this moment. I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!! My desire to work the program is ten fold. \\/ peace!!!

[Beloved]

:xmasu :na2 :hugehug Hi and thanks for everyone allowing me to share . stay in the rooms , keep you eyes , and ears open . And please don't try to get a sponsor ask your Higher Power to give you a sponsor "Thy Will Be Done" That way HE will only give you what is needed to aid you in your process of personal , and spiritual growth . Don't try to grade your own paper it's like sponsoring self , and if that will be the case just Think about the last person you got HIGH with , and that person would be you. So keep comin back and you expect a miracle OK love Ya ! (Beloved)

[Gmoney]

Hi Family,

I've read through most of this thread and truly believe that the intention for posting it was good and thoughtful. Sponsorship is so very important to the survival of the NA Fellowship and NA Program, and it should never be minimized. It's one of the basic ways the NA message gets carried from one addict to another: an addict, any addict, can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live. Our steps are what make recovery possible because they are the solution. Yet, in order for the newer members to be guided through the steps, there has to be members who are ready, willing and able to provide the guidance.

So often I hear members with extensive clean time share about how many sponsees they've had (or have) as a testament to their ability (or qualifications) as sponsors. Anyone who has been around for some years can tell you that the doors to NA continue to revolve and addicts come and go all the time. Numbers can be very misleading and the quantity of members sponsored pales in comparison to the quality of the lives of those sponsored. I mention this not as a put-down of those listed with much time and multiple sponsees, but moreso as a caution for the newer members to not buy into the hype. The quality of a potential sponsor's recovery is more important than how much time they have or how many members they sponsor. Our recovery speaks louder in how we live than it does in what we say.

Since this is a NA thread, I can relate to the importance of adhering to Traditions, NA Language and "singleness of purpose." Yet, we have to be careful not to become overly restrictive or venture into the realm of being the NA police. I, for one, am well aware of the importance of keeping our message from being blurred or directly associated with other fellowships, but even in our Basic Text, a member uses the term "clean and sober" (page 182, 5th ed.), so I try not to get my drawers in a bunch whenever someone goes there. We have to learn how to allow others to find their way just as we did - this includes coming to understand that being "clean" covers all bases and the terms sober or sobriety becomes redundant. Patience and tolerance are the principles applied here.

When it comes to sponsorship, we have to keep in mind our 12th step, and understand that our ability to carry the message is always directly associated with our distinct personalities. Sure...there are some basic fundamental suggestions, but I believe our real value as sponsors is revealed when we can cater our efforts to carry the message according to those we carry it to. Meetings, sharing, reading and writing was a big part of how I was taught...and I still think it's just as important today, but being flexible to the needs and concerns of the newer member can play a crucial part in helping them to stay clean and grow spiritually. Most importantly, we have to remember that the best way to carry the message is by the way we live and the most powerful tool for reaching the still suffering addict is the power of example. Too often there are those of us who bite off more than we can chew (by taking on too many sponsees) and find ourselves not having enough time or resources to be as effective as we could be. Being a sponsor should never be viewed as a status thing.

The basic suggestions: do 90 meetings in 90 days...join a home group...get a Basic Text and read it...get a phone list and reach out...get a sponsor...step work...get involved in service, and don't use no matter what; have worked for countless addicts before and after me. The new member's desire to stay clean, fostered by desperation, will determine their willingness to follow direction. And when it's all said and done, it's not so much our unique abilities as teachers (sponsor's) that should be given credit. Why? Because sponsorship is a two-way street and the sponsee helps us to stay clean just as much as we help them. We can only keep what we have by giving it away, and it is the giving that allows us to receive our daily reprieve.

The heart of NA beats when two addicts share their recovery.

[mae164]

This is exactly why the topic is SO IMPORTANT!! THANK YOU FOR STARTING THIS! The work we do should all be the same the experience and how god works in our life id different but the work done to get there should be the same!I just read some intresting IDEAS on what the steps and sponsorship mean but they do NOT MATCH UP WITH WHAT OUR BASIC TEXT SAYS AT ALL( FYI- NA CAME FROM AA SO IT SHOULD MATCH UP ALSO)

Step One- I HAVE ADMITTED I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND THAT MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE- ONLY MEANSTHAT ONCE I START I CANT STOP,(cause i have an allergy which produces a craving for more and the more i drink the more i want another one) AND I AM UNABLE TO MANAGE THE DECISION TO DRINK-OBSSESION ( every time i say that i am done for good and all something happens in my head that I convince myself to pick it up again)
-loss of control and of choice step one is ONLY A CONCLUSION - done with spending time sitting across from a recovered alcohoilc/addict that understands this and has recovered from it! MAX 1 HOUR

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT STEPS ONE DOES NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH CONCEQUENCES OR INJURIES - There are plenty of people whose life is unmanageable AND DRINKS but does that make them an alcoholic?NO- GIVEN A GOOD REASON THEY CAN STOP- AN ALCOHOLIC CAN NOT BECOUSE OF WHAT I JUST EXPLAINED

The steps are laid out to be worked quickly- cause of the 2nd part of step one (the mental obssesion, read p.23-24 BB) what ever low point i drank myself to that i am at that i have got to quit point- you give just an alcoholic/addict a week to a month(for me it was the same day within hours)
and i can not bring that pain back with enough force to keep me from doing it again-NO MATTER HOW BAD IT WAS- you will drink again then the cycle starts again i go to have one or just 2 allergy kicks in and WASTED - drink till i get to some low point and well ...over and over THAT IS STEP ONE- NOTHING ELSE- WITH OUT THAT UNDERSTANDING little or nothing can be done- WITH THAT YOU NEED A POWER GRATER THAN YOURSELF TO GIVE YOU THAT DEFENCE(bad spelling) ASAP HOW? BY GETTING TO 12-WHICH IS HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE ....

If someone asks me to sponsor them i do not have the right to say no- i turned my will and life over to GOD in my 3rd step, and asked him take my diffaculties away so that i can show others that his way works- sponsorship is how you do that! Plus it is the most amazing thing to watch someone change before your eyes in such a short period of time!!!
LOVE YA ALL

[sticker]

WOW I am really confused wasn't aware this was an AA forum. Thought there was already one of those. I have an N.A. sponsor who has an NA sponsor and so on. We all use NA lit step guides It works how and why The sponsorship guide The experience of thousands of other NA members. I sponsor as I was sponsored because that is what worked for me. so there for that is all i can pass on. not what someone else says worked for someone else. if I am having sponsees read from other fellowship literature then I am blurring the message and have no business being a sponsor. They are looking to me to help clarify the message. I feel very fortunate to have been sponsored this way. And yes I am very familiar with the AA program and eternally grateful to them. But we are separate entities.

[Gmoney]

Yeah...to post AA stuff on an NA forum is misleading (IMO), but I look at the dates and figure (just like now) there aren't that many folks visiting the NA forum...so it gets slid in. Some folks think they are the same, but they aren't. The 1st step of NA and NA's singleness of purpose should be considered.

[dalin]

This book was basicly what was understood about the program at the time of it was printed.The step guide is faily new material.My grandsponsor is in this book.
I am an addict,and only go to N.A. meetings.
At the time that this came out,there wasnt much out there abour sponsorship,so this was helpful to me,along with a few other unaproved
literature from hazledon or where ever.
The sponsor that I had was one that had a guide that he had written.
We also used unaproved recovery written by other addicts,nawol etc.
We used whatever info we had,and knew that alot was griss for the
mill.The new sponsorship book hant been truly accepted by alot of
our family of sponsorship.But basicly,alot is griss for the mill.
We still use the Back to Basic book that Greg P.
Alot is based on our experianced strength and hope.

[Gmoney]

I just read some intresting IDEAS on what the steps and sponsorship mean but they do NOT MATCH UP WITH WHAT OUR BASIC TEXT SAYS AT ALL( FYI- NA CAME FROM AA SO IT SHOULD MATCH UP ALSO)

Just because NA was "adapted" from AA doesn't mean NA should be identical. And since they aren't exactly the same, their steps and corresponding step work should reflect the differences in their primary purpose. NA's methods for recovery do not have to match AA's to be effective, and the results prove it.

"We follow the same path with a single exception: our identification as addicts is all-inclusive with respect to any mood-changing, mind-altering substance. Alcoholism is too limited a term for us; our problem is not a specific substance, it is a disease called addiction." ~ Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, page xv

[Gmoney]

The steps are laid out to be worked quickly-...

I was just re-reading some of the entries on this thread, and this remark caught my eye. I know everyone has an opinion about this, but my question is "how quick is quickly?" In Narcotics Anonymous there are numerous "schools ot thought" relating to the above assertion, and I cannot speak for anyone else...nor would I. I know in recent threads we've discussed the "step-a-year" belief and we've debated "speed stepping" (or as they say in my area "microwave stepwork"). IMO, the steps are a program of recovery that are written in a way that an addict can follow them in their daily lives - whether that be fast, medium or slow. I'm sure we've all heard stories, or knew of people who raced through the steps and (apparently) still forgot the pain of active addiction and used again. On that same angle, there are those who have stayed clean for many, many years that never "completed" step work. Mind you...I'm not advocating that anyone avoid working the steps to prove anything, nor am I saying that those who rush through the steps are doing something wrong. What I am saying is that, because we differ in degree of sickness and rate of recovery, there are many factors that come into play when discussing an individual's ability to stay clean and recover.

If someone asks me to sponsor them i do not have the right to say no-

Not saying this is the case, but the above mentioned view may be responsible for so many addicts having sponsors that aren't qualified or available for them. I hear newcomers complaining all the time about how their sponsors never call them back, or they don't keep appointments and promises. IMO, sponsorship is a serious obligation and one I should never take lightly. I must always remember that I'm a recovering addict myself, and I have to look out for my own recovery first and foremost. IMO, taking on too many sponsees is an indication of unmanageability and imbalance in my life. We may not be able to keep what we have without giving it away, but when I give too much I may not have what I need for my own serenity and well-being.

A sponsors job is to get you connected to a power greater than yourself that will solve your problem(the steps) and then hold you accountable on relying on the power from then on.. NOT RELYING ON MEETINGS OR THE FELLOWSHIP TO STAY SOBER

Wow...I'm so glad NA doesn't teach us that we're to held "accountable" for anything other than our own recovery. My job as a sponsor is to (primarily) be a guide through the 12 steps of NA. It isn't my job to hold anyone accountable to anything. I'd like to see where it says that in ANY literature.

G

[Gmoney]

A sponsors job is to get you connected to a power greater than yourself that will solve your problem(the steps) and then hold you accountable on relying on the power from then on.. NOT RELYING ON MEETINGS OR THE FELLOWSHIP TO STAY SOBER

a Higher Power?:

"We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God." - Basic Text, page 24

So...for some, the group (i.e., the fellowship/meetings) is a power greater than themselves that is relied on to help them to solve their problems - including staying clean.

[lisamazsam]

"I'm ready to do the 5th, I don't know why I can't find a recovering addict who can help me."

My higher power has always given what I needed when I needed it provided that my back wasn't turned to the open door. HP opens doors. Sometimes I have to knock first. Ask and you shall receive is what I've been told. There has always been someone for me in the meeting that I can ask to sponsor me. I have been told "No", but I keep on knocking/asking.

I have a few requirements for a sponsor. One of which is being clean. I am currently questioning that quality in my current sponsor, of which is on the morphine pump for back pain and slurrs and stumbles occasionally. I have read in " In times of illness". Any experience with this issue is greatly appreciated. I, also, question my motives on focusing on this issue. Am I using this as a reason not to trust my sponsor? Do I run to save my own butt? Am I using this issue to focus on someone else besides me? Ultimately it is my choice on how to handle this situation. Can't do it alone.
Willing to listen now.