Feedback Please

[huntsober]

So while at a convention I bump into an old sponsee. He has 20 years I got 25. He moved on and so did I. We havent seen each other in 15 years. During the catch up and butt sniffing sessions I inform him I attend church and NA as well as AA. He attempts to explain to me how my program is clouded and my message is clouded. He has never attended more that 2 AA mgt in his life and does not attend church. During that convention he questions me and somewhat inspects my program with many questions and I answered tham with love and care.

Three months pass and I see him at another convention this past weekend…more of the same crap. Questioning and digging as to how and why I do my program the way I do my program. Then the straw breaks….He finds out that a sponsee of his as asked me to sponsor them….tension rises…I again let him question me as to how I sponsor people. He asked are you AA or NA or Religious?

He goes into length into his sponsorship family and “tree”. I explain that I sponsor 4 people and that any more than that becomes a question of effectiveness. More than that is more ego than helping. I also express that sponsor retreats have been seen by me to be more ego than spiritual. My sponsor believes the same…He says he lives in an apartment and has no tree. However we do network a lot…

I feel that NA enables me to use all areas of life to build my recovery program. It say responsible productive member of society. Not just NA but society as a whole. I must look farther and deeper in the world not just inside the bounds of NA. Meaning…I have friends that are not in NA, yea…I have a life that is full circle.

This guy only talks, visit, interacts and has NA friends and feels that I am leading others down the wrong path.

I have chosen to do what works for me and allow him to do the same. I also informed him that the questioning and inspection was over. In the event he had any questions about my attending other meetings that it was not something that I was willing to inform him about when he ask.

For the record, I also attend PTA, NRA, NWTF, Church and many professional associations. I do not discuss the NRA at church and I don’t discuss AA at the NWTF. So I am following the traditions. Sorry for the rant…but I was just wondering if anyone else had drank the kool aid of NA and placed themselves inside a NA prison.

[Lily]

Yay! NRA.

Well Huntsober, you are doing the right thing there. I just read again recently that "In the multitude of counselors there is safety." —Proverbs 11:14

One of my NA sponsors was all and only NA. However, she never opposed to the other areas I have in my life and for that I am grateful. She just told me that for her, AA and church were not options. I think there is a lot more out there than just NA peeps...there are pastors, teachers, husbands, friends, AA members, church mentors, etc.

I think that if he is finger pointing it is his problem. I think he is drinking waaay too much kool aid there.

What is working for you and your sponsees is none of his business, and I think his whole issue is a pride issue.

We have to live in the world and interact with many different people in all walks of life. Besides, isn't a sponsor someone who guides you through the steps, not a discipleship only of NA?

He sounds a bit small or perhaps "fearful" in his thinking.

Blessings, Sheila

[Sugah]

Um, my impression? You are a member of a fellowship. He belongs to a cult.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[huntsober]

See SUGAH..my wife said the same thing! I wasnt gonna use that word. Time and time again members of NA/AA only say the things I think and feel!!! You put skin on my god. My sponsor said the same thing...cult
Narrow and narrower minded thinking backs one in a corner till the point that he either falls deeper into the corner or takes the risk to walk out of the corner.

Thanks for sayin that...I will keep listening..

[Missybuns]

yip...what sugah and lily said.

I attend a spiritual study group with my parents that has nothing to do with church, NA or AA. I have friends in AA and always will! One particular woman I grew up using with is in AA. We have attended "recovery campouts" with other women sponsored by AA and they welcomed anyone in recovery including Ala-nonners and NA-ers

The guy has issues....

[Sugah]

"You put skin on my god."

Man, I gotta use that one. Mind?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[kj3880]

Yeah, there are lots of those kinds out here, Huntsober. I'm not surprised you ran into one, because it's kind of common. And it isn't just with NA, there are also some like that in AA. They find out that you go to meetings other places, and call you an "Anda."

I go to whatever meeting fits in my schedule for the day. I feel most at home most times at the NA meetings, but if I'm on nightshift, I have to go to AA, because they are the only ones in town with daytime meetings. And I like CDA, too. They seem to get a nice, mature bunch of people in there.

By going to all three groups, I've been able to find more good women for my network then I'd have if I limited myself to just one fellowship. And I get to go to more dances, conventions, and parties, too! What's the harm in it? I've yet to really see any place where the groups contradict each other's traditions and such.

What I don't really think is a good idea, at least for me, is having a different sponsor for each 12-step fellowship where you go to meetings. Why would you want more than one, if they are a guide to getting through the steps? Would you have to do three sets of stepwork at the same time? If you had a problem, would you take a sponsor survey and pick your favorite suggested course of action? It wouldn't work for me. I do know a young woman who has an AA Sponsor and an NA Sponsor. She seems about as confused as I would be by that.

Love,
KJ

[Gmoney]

Dude is a hater. Simple and plain. Joe, you did a lot better than me because I would've cut him off very early in the game.

I never bought into the "NA family tree" biz, or the "grand-sponsor" cr@p either. Although I only attend NA meetings for my 12 step recovery, my world is much larger than the confines of your ex-sponsee. After 20 years, if he's still stuck in doing "NA only" stuff...hmmmmmmm


G

[Wolfchild]

Maybe he's too caught up in the "where it works" to see How It Works??
Might be why he's focusing on the differences instead of the similiarities?

[huntsober]

Often I hang on to my thoughts thinking that I am wrong for thinking the way I do...Then when i share I find that I am like most other folks...Thanks for the feed back.

I pray for him and hope his base gets broarder than it currenly is...I agree with all the was said... I have only on sponsor too ...that works for me.

Also Sugah that skin on my God comment works both ways. All to often I am reminded that my disease is cunning and baffeling....this is hard to see. However members of the program including myself can put skin on this disease.

Thanks again for the feed back

[REZ]

I consider NA to be my recovery home but I go to AA too and I attend church. I haven't found it anywhere in the Basic Text where it says we can't go to other fellowships if we go to NA. I have chosen to follow the NA way, but I also recognize that NA does not have a monopoly on recovery, spirituality, life, etc.

[Thx2HP]

And then there's another possibility. Maybe your old sponsee just totally loves NA; sees it as the program that has saved his life; had a bad experience with either AA, church or both; and is bothered by the fact that he sees your affiliation with 'the other program and a religious organization' as his old sponsor isn't as "into NA as he is or as he thought you used to be?" I'm just trying to look at other possibilities.

I know that for my first 9 years in NA, I was 100% NA and wanted nothing to do with either AA or church. I'd had a bad experience with the 1st and only AA meeting I attended, and I never went back. I saw people who went to both fellowships to be "straddling the fence" and couldn't understand why they just didn't commit to one fellowship and be done with it. I love that NA is NOT a religious organization and doesn't endorse any religion or particular higher power. It really bothered me when people would talk about Jesus or any particular God, etc., in meetings, as that goes against the core of NA being a spiritual fellowship. Just leave it as "higher power" and then everyone is free to interpret your share as they see fit.

Then in 2003, I found myself in OA for my addictive food issues. Here I was going to two fellowships, and OA uses AA literature. My sponsor had 20 years in OA and 23 years in AA. I worked my Steps with her using both OA and AA literature. This really opened my eyes up to the fact that while NA will always be my primary program and the one I call home, there is much to learn from others in other fellowships.

Then I saw Joel Osteen on TV one Sunday morning (nice looking pastor!). He had a great message...not all Bible thumping, just very recovery related. Next thing you know, I'm watching him on Sundays and even went to see him at the Oakland Coliseum!

Then I met my boyfriend (on eHarmony) and it turns out he was going to AA. I went to several events and parties with him and other AA people. After awhile (because I am so involved in everything NA), he's come over to NA much more and goes to NA meetings, does H&I for NA and has a sponsee and sponsor in NA.

I guess my point is that I think your old sponsee may just be very passionate about NA and hasn't had or taken the opportunity to understand that "the message" comes from all kinds of messengers. And to close off your mind to other possibilities, limits your experiences, opportunities to reach others and grow.

[meditation]

What he is doing is obsessing about recovery. There is no real right way to recovery. Whatever works for a person that a person is not drinking,or using drugs is recovery.
I personally don't won't what it sounds like he has. I don't want to live my life by rigid rules and section myself off from society. I want to be happy. I don't want to be looking into my neighbors's house and seeing all the things wrong with his way of living. Life is about trying not to worry, trying not to anger, and treating others respectfully.

This is one reason I don't get super chummy in the step meetings because so many want to take my inventory. What matters to me is that I am clean and I am trying to live my life by these principles. What they do I don't care as long as it doesn't involve raking me over the coals.
Huntsober I also like your philosophy on sponsees. My old sponsor felt like she had to gather as many chicks under her wing as she could and then she had no time, either quality or quantity to give to her sponsees.

It's hard to not cop a resentment about being interrogated about having 25 years clean and apparently having done it all "wrong". lol My word. If newcomers had to worry about doing it the "right"way nobody would be in a meeting, as nobody could possibly make the grade and then it becomes a matter of "why try".
I think you rock.