She took off :( - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

NickA090609 · 10-25-2009, 08:55 AM

She's gone now
Hey everyone! I'm glad to be sober and a new member. I would like to share somethings that has been driving me crazy. I was with this girl for three years. She never used or drank and was a Christian. I took her virginity and we lived together with a dog and the whole nine yards. I always lied to her about drugs because she hated them. I really really loved this girl I even Asked her to marry me twice and she said no becuase I needed to get clean for 6 months first.. Well finally I came home to a dear John letter and everything gone. So I went to rehab to get her back. The whole time in rehab she was calling texting and saying we loved each other before bed even though we were technically friends, I honestly thought things were getting better.. When I get back from rehab she leaves me for good not only two weeks later.. I never relapsed or ajything and she was really proud of me.. What's driving me crazy is that she said that we grew apart a long time ago and that we are not meant for each other and that I don't need her anymore, to make things worse she already has a new boy friend and is living with him and stuff not even 3 months after.. I'm crushed and I can never get passed my step 4. I always stop at it. I bet she has a lot to do with it.. I need help my sponsor just isn't doing it. Any support would he appreciated. Thanks and god bless!

Wolfchild · 10-25-2009, 09:11 AM

What happened is not as important as what you do with it. Push ahead and move forward in your recovery process!!

Gmoney · 10-25-2009, 11:30 AM

Hi Nick,

Welcome to SR and living life on it's own terms.

There may not be anything I can say to help you get through the feelings you have at this moment. Relationships can be a pretty tough area for anyone - regardless of time clean or recovery. But what I can share with you is some of my own personal experience, and maybe you can see from it what you need to see in order to get to the other side and move forward.

I was once obsessed with the breakup of a relationship. We were together for over a decade. I thought I was in love and planned to spend my life with this woman. Things changed. Events happened. I was heartbroken and depressed. I medicated the pain and blamed the world for my dilemma.

It was only after I got clean and began working the steps that I was finally able to see the part that I played in my self-imposed pain. I learned to accept that we weren't together because we weren't supposed to be. I learned how to stop blaming her for being human. I learned that I wasn't as good or as bad as I thought I was. I forgave myself for placing unrealistic expectations on her, as well as myself. And I learned how to let go. Today...it's almost 15 years later and we're the best of friends. We both grew up.

NA has given me the opportunity to find a new way to live. No more blaming. No more self-pity. No more manipulation. No more getting clean for all the wrong reasons. No more lying. The steps are the solution - they're for MY personal recovery (for which I am responsible). My 4th step wasn't about what others did to me or didn't do for me...it was about discovering who I am and getting to the exact nature of MY wrongs. From that point I was able to begin living in the solution instead of living in the ultimate problem (ME).

Keep coming back & don't use no matter what.
More will be revealed.

G

REZ · 10-25-2009, 12:22 PM

What Gmoney said. Get obsessed on sexual relationships can be the biggest detriment to recovery, at any stage but especially early on. I have made the mistake and paid the price for it, but I am clean today. In my experience, the best thing to do is focus on your recovery and work through the steps. You'll meet someone new, when you are ready.

NAchic · 10-25-2009, 01:22 PM

I am sorry to hear your situation. Welcome to SR and congrats on your recovery! I know it's easy for others to say...make recovery for you and no one else, you will find someone along the way when the time is right.

Stay Strong!

NickA090609 · 10-25-2009, 02:20 PM

Truely .. Thanks a lot family for welcoming me and replying. Today has been great, I finally met up with my sponsor and tackled some of step four.. I also meditated and asked god to remove my character detects. I honestly feel a Loy better and looked at my situation with my ex as I played a very selfish part in all of it. I'm going to continue what I'm doing and not use. I got 49 days today and I love God

ElegantlyWasted · 10-25-2009, 02:30 PM

"life on life's terms".... Hmmm serenity prayer kinda stuff. Love it. Best of luck my friend, if the AA stuff is bogging you down try some SMART work sheets from their web site their sight (free!). Some of them could be very good for doing step 4. Good stuff...

2ala2 · 10-26-2009, 03:06 AM

Hello Nick and welcome to SR,
I like what G said about how we 'grow' up through the Steps and how we get over things with time. Sometimes situations like yours are extremely helpful in the reconstruction of our characters. I do believe there's is good in this for you. Perhaps you will see it later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickA090609

So I went to rehab to get her back.

You need to clean up for you, not for anyone else. People come and go and life keeps on moving. It never stops, not for anyone, or anything.
sometimes we learn the hard way. Sometimes it's the best way (unfortunately) I'm sorry you're hurting.
Most important don't do drugs and live the Steps, with them, you can handle anything

10-25-2009, 08:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
NickA090609 Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Indianapolis IN Posts: 7	She took off :( She's gone now Hey everyone! I'm glad to be sober and a new member. I would like to share somethings that has been driving me crazy. I was with this girl for three years. She never used or drank and was a Christian. I took her virginity and we lived together with a dog and the whole nine yards. I always lied to her about drugs because she hated them. I really really loved this girl I even Asked her to marry me twice and she said no becuase I needed to get clean for 6 months first.. Well finally I came home to a dear John letter and everything gone. So I went to rehab to get her back. The whole time in rehab she was calling texting and saying we loved each other before bed even though we were technically friends, I honestly thought things were getting better.. When I get back from rehab she leaves me for good not only two weeks later.. I never relapsed or ajything and she was really proud of me.. What's driving me crazy is that she said that we grew apart a long time ago and that we are not meant for each other and that I don't need her anymore, to make things worse she already has a new boy friend and is living with him and stuff not even 3 months after.. I'm crushed and I can never get passed my step 4. I always stop at it. I bet she has a lot to do with it.. I need help my sponsor just isn't doing it. Any support would he appreciated. Thanks and god bless!

10-25-2009, 09:11 AM	#2 (permalink)
Wolfchild Disposable Hero Tournaments Won: 3 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Being, ME Posts: 3,758 Blog Entries: 3	What happened is not as important as what you do with it. Push ahead and move forward in your recovery process!! __________________ Any clean addict is a miracle and keeping the miracle alive is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender, and growth

10-25-2009, 11:30 AM	#3 (permalink)
Gmoney Evolving Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York State Posts: 2,910	Hi Nick, Welcome to SR and living life on it's own terms. There may not be anything I can say to help you get through the feelings you have at this moment. Relationships can be a pretty tough area for anyone - regardless of time clean or recovery. But what I can share with you is some of my own personal experience, and maybe you can see from it what you need to see in order to get to the other side and move forward. I was once obsessed with the breakup of a relationship. We were together for over a decade. I thought I was in love and planned to spend my life with this woman. Things changed. Events happened. I was heartbroken and depressed. I medicated the pain and blamed the world for my dilemma. It was only after I got clean and began working the steps that I was finally able to see the part that I played in my self-imposed pain. I learned to accept that we weren't together because we weren't supposed to be. I learned how to stop blaming her for being human. I learned that I wasn't as good or as bad as I thought I was. I forgave myself for placing unrealistic expectations on her, as well as myself. And I learned how to let go. Today...it's almost 15 years later and we're the best of friends. We both grew up. NA has given me the opportunity to find a new way to live. No more blaming. No more self-pity. No more manipulation. No more getting clean for all the wrong reasons. No more lying. The steps are the solution - they're for MY personal recovery (for which I am responsible). My 4th step wasn't about what others did to me or didn't do for me...it was about discovering who I am and getting to the exact nature of MY wrongs. From that point I was able to begin living in the solution instead of living in the ultimate problem (ME). Keep coming back & don't use no matter what. More will be revealed. G __________________ "We are never forced into relapse. We are given a choice. Relapse is never an accident." - Basic Text, 5th Ed.

10-25-2009, 01:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
NAchic Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: upstate new york Posts: 79	I am sorry to hear your situation. Welcome to SR and congrats on your recovery! I know it's easy for others to say...make recovery for you and no one else, you will find someone along the way when the time is right. Stay Strong! __________________ after a storm..there is always a rainbow

10-25-2009, 02:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
ElegantlyWasted Excellence... not Perfection Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: AZ Posts: 1,190 Blog Entries: 8	"life on life's terms".... Hmmm serenity prayer kinda stuff. Love it. Best of luck my friend, if the AA stuff is bogging you down try some SMART work sheets from their web site their sight (free!). Some of them could be very good for doing step 4. Good stuff... __________________ "We're all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children's game, we just don't...we don't know when that's gonna be. Some of us are told at eighteen, some of us are told at forty, but we're all told."

10-25-2009, 12:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
REZ Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Chapel Hill, NC Posts: 2,274	What Gmoney said. Get obsessed on sexual relationships can be the biggest detriment to recovery, at any stage but especially early on. I have made the mistake and paid the price for it, but I am clean today. In my experience, the best thing to do is focus on your recovery and work through the steps. You'll meet someone new, when you are ready.

10-25-2009, 02:20 PM	#6 (permalink)
NickA090609 Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Indianapolis IN Posts: 7	Truely .. Thanks a lot family for welcoming me and replying. Today has been great, I finally met up with my sponsor and tackled some of step four.. I also meditated and asked god to remove my character detects. I honestly feel a Loy better and looked at my situation with my ex as I played a very selfish part in all of it. I'm going to continue what I'm doing and not use. I got 49 days today and I love God

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