I'm Trying to Turn it Over

[kj3880]

Here's another off Missy's list:

I'm trying to turn it over!


What are you trying to turn over these days? Had any success? What's been the hardest thing to turn over in your recovery?

Love,
KJ

[REZ]

I'm trying to turn over my 17-year-old son's various issues--school, drug use, etc. I'm trying to set a good example and encourage him in the right direction. I pray and hope that he will get through this time of his life and become a responsible adult. I'm trying to have faith in HP and trust the process. This has been the hardest thing to turn over in my recovery.

[LowBottom]

Man REZ are we in the same house??
I'm trying to turn over my 16-year-old daughter's various issues--school, attitude, etc. I'm trying to set a good example, pray and hope that she will get through this time of her life and become a responsible adult. I'm trying to have faith in HP and trust the process. This has been the hardest thing to turn over in my recovery. AMEN!

Teenagers are a killer! I just do more meetings and constantly remind myself that I have done my job and been a good parent and now it is up to them. I have four kids at home now (kill me) 17, 16, 14, and 12 (somebody kill me- Jk)

I do trust in my HP but I have to constantly turn it over.

[Sugah]

Mine are three weeks shy of 16, 19, ten days shy of 20 and 21. "Turning them over" doesn't get any easier once they leave home.

Got, please, grant me the Serenity
to Accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to Change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to Know the difference.

[kj3880]

My daughter turns 21 this month. She was very difficult at 16. Skipping school, dating losers, and (I think) flirting with cutting herself (I don't think she did it much, but I found some things related to cutting in her room that worried me.) I also caught her lying and drinking on a couple of occasions. She wore scary-looking goth clothing and lots of ugly dark eye makeup.

I ended up pulling her out of day school, which she was flunking, and enrolling her in evening highschool. For some reason, that made all the difference. She was then around people who were older and in HS because they needed a HS degree, not because their parents made them go. She met a lot of young moms and kids who had to work all day to help out at home and were in school at night because that is the only time they could go. She became grateful to me when she saw how blessed her life was compared to the other young people there.

A year later, she graduated with an A average. At her old school, she was failing. She went on to college, where she is doing well, majoring in education, and works there part time, in the bookstore. She is pretty responsible for a 21-year-old.

My younger child is 16. He is driving me crazy right now. But I try to remember that my daughter went through it and came out just fine. It's a phase. But it is certainly tough to watch.

Love,
KJ

[Phinneas]

Inspiring ES&H, KJ. Thanks for sharing that.

I'm trying to turn over my job search. I've been out of work for over a year now. My depression can be paralyzing so I am also praying for willingness and the courage and "oomph" to take action and just do the dang right next thing.

[Gmoney]

Fortunately , and unfortunately, I don't have kids - so I have no experience with dealing with teenagers like you guys. I often view having no children as a blessing, but then there are other times when I get caught up in projecting into the future that see it as a curse. For the most part, I've accepted my life as it is and figured that things are the way they are because they're supposed to be that way.

I can't think of anything I'm struggling with turning over at this time. I know true surrender, for me, doesn't come about until after I've spent a considerable amount of effort at manipulating or influencing a desired outcome. But once it becomes evident that I cannot change anything, I have to accept that I've done the best that I can do and leave the rest to my HP. Over time I've got a lot better at understanding what it is I can or cannot change, and as a result, I save myself a lot of grief. The wisdom to know the difference is a beautiful thing.

It's pretty tough dealing with the challenges of life: an elderly mother to look after, family members that use, working for a company that's going through a transition (the loss of health care, losing 1/3 of my wages, reduced vacation time, increased work load, and unreasonably stricter attendance policies), friends that owe me money, sponsees that want to reap the rewards but not do the work....I can go on and on. Yet, I'm grateful to have some peace by not taking on stuff that isn't mine.

I think the hardest thing I had to surrender to was serving time in prison in early recovery.

[iou1na]

Me, I am in a bit of a reverse trend, I guess. I am trying to turn over my Dad's actions and reactions to his wifes' death in a car accident 7 weeks back.

I've been staying w/ him during that time to help & be a buffer between him and my aunt (his sis, and diagnosed schizophrenic). It drove the two of us to him saying "Maybe it's time someone moved on" yesterday. I figured he wasn't speaking of himself, so I thought that maybe t'would be best for me to move on.

I left his house yesterday, caught up on the gads of emails I had, updated the local NA website, went to a meeting and a coupla online ones, and am feeling wonderfully relieved right now. AND, horrendously worried at the same time. It's the worry I am trying to turn over right now.

Erk!!! I done my best. I tried. I gotta let some of it go and let my god take care of it. I can not do more. It is killing my recovery, my serenity, my simple love of life (sh***y as that life sometimes is).

Let go. Let god. Maybe my pounding on the keyboard here might help. I know that everyone else's words did. Time for bed, then. Thank you to everyone for being there. You are all my teachers.

Keep The Faith*

[Lily]

I am trying to turn my adult son over who moved out 2 months ago. (he will be 21 in just 10 days) Yesterday he had knee surgery for a torn meniscus he did playing football and he came home for all of 8 hours and went home again.

He makes bad spending decisions, but hopefully he will learn. He is a full time student who is living off VA benefits. I love him and miss him, but actually there has been a lot less stress since he has been gone. I pray for him daily for safety and not to make bad decisions like I did. It is hard to be a parent to an adult child, the relationship sure does take on a new dynamic.

I am learning daily to let go, and with him no longer here, it has gotten sooo much easier.

[Missybuns]

I continually turn over thoughts of what it will be like after my folks pass away.
They are here now and we are enjoying some quality of life together. However, I continually turn over fears of the future where this is concerned.

[Wolfchild]

Originally Posted by kj3880

What are you trying to turn over these days? Had any success? What's been the hardest thing to turn over in your recovery?

Trying has turned into doing naturaly.
Yes, every day i keep making progress.
My self obsession & my self centerdness.

[LowBottom]

Missybuns I used to think of that same thing. I would think man if something happens to my parents I dont know what I am going to do. My dad got sick and died of pancreatic cancer and I thought .... here we go. I did what I learned to do in NA GO TO MTGS, GO TO MTGS, GO TO MTGS. I shared about it and the anxiety I had going on thinking about loosing him and then he died and it wasnt nearly as bad as I had built it up in my head that it was going to be. I walked through it like NA taught me and to be honest with you I walked through it with more dignity than the rest of my family without a program. Thank God for this program that not only shows me how not to get loaded but how to live!

[Missybuns]

LowBottom,

Thank you very much.

Grateful,
Missy

[Phinneas]

Great thread!

I turn over (and take back and turn over... ad infinitum) people, places and things. My current revelation is that I get obsessed by other people's chaos so that I don't have to look closely AT MYSELF. Erghh! So this is a good reminder to keep doing the work.

[jane_668]

I'm trying to turn over my schizophrenic mother. It is very hard for me but I am accepting her illness more and more. It's time for me to move on. I have hard times sometimes trying to love her as she is without forcing her to do something she cannot. I try to have faith in God and believe that all will be well. I try not to use her as an excuse for using or going back to the old me.

I am trying to get rid of the negative attitude and replace it with a more positive one even if I dont like too. I am becoming a firm believer that my day is what I make most out of it.

[lostbutterfly]

I'm starting my 4th step, and realised that it was in danger of turning into a fearless moral inventory of my stepfather, lol.

I turned him over yesterday. His past behaviour, his current behaviour. The fact I will never be good enough for him, he will never accept me as I am - it's not very important to me anymore.

I let go a lot of resentments when I did that. And I realised that I can come to accept him as he is.

[EuroDrunk]

People: more often than not I am tempted to point out each and every flaw I perceive in the way my daughters (14 & 12) behave and interact with me and their mom. I find taking my daughter's and my wife's inventory or telling them what they ought to be doing much more attractive than scrutinising my own behaviour.

[Lily]

Missy,

I can relate to what you say about parents passing away. I am and was very close to both my parents. My sister used to get me going on fearing how they will die, what Mom or Dad should do when one dies....etc.

See, I had been down that road before. When my husband was dying of cancer, I had all sorts of vain imaginations of how he would die. How I would watch his chest go up and down as he breathed his last in a skinny vegetative state, etc. It never happended. He was fine the last night I saw him. (Well, he was confused at times, but lucid and in the hospital w/ yet another UTI) But we joked and laughed and prayed together that night. The next morning he threw a clot and was gone. Lights out.

Same w/ my Dad....I think of all the worrying my Sis did and he slipped of the end of the bed during the Vikings game on Jan 4th of this year and told me my mom he just needed to rest a minute and "no, am not having a heart attack cuz i am in no pain." Closed his eyes and was gone.

Do we miss him? YES! Do we have a hard time coping? At times, yes, does it get easier? YES!

I turned my parents over a long time ago.....other things, not so much though...haha