Trusting the Process

[kj3880]

Here's a good topic (I think) from Missy's list:

Trusting the Process.

Anyone want to start?

Love,
KJ

[Sugah]

Oh, my. There were times in early recovery when things looked, smelled and felt so ******, the only thing that kept me trusting the process was that it had to eventually get better than my previous process. In the first few months I had clean, I had a "hard candy" Christmas with my kids (even when I was spending piles on drugs, I "did" much better for them -- probably because it was then easier to spend money than time), rebounded enough to spend a fortune keeping a stray cat alive (my daughter had her heart broken enough - the cat was one of her Christmas gifts), dealt with a 13th stepper practically moving into my home (and didn't have a clue how to get rid of him) and the climax: fell and crushed my leg, necessitating I take opiate pain meds. It was ROUGH! But everyone around me kept reassuring me that things would get better. Believing them was preferable to going back to the hell I'd left behind.

These days can have their share of challenges, too. I need a very complicated and expensive root canal to save a bridge that cost me big bucks right before I got clean. There was an administrative mistake in my health insurance, and as a result, when it started bothering me in April, I had no dental insurance. A dentist friend began prescribing antibiotics, and I'm now on my SIXTH ROUND, trying to hang onto this damned bridge. My appointment with the endodontist is the 20th of this month. My current dentist keeps offering me pain pills, and let me tell you -- if I wasn't an addict, I'd have taken them and not felt myself a bit weak. But as much as it's hurt, it's not been so bad that I couldn't function, even when my face has swollen up. Eventually, the antibiotics calm it down. I know all this, right? But guess what I was thinking about when I called the emergency answering service to ask for a new prescription? Wouldn't hurt to ask for a couple of Vikes to go with the antibiotics, would it? Just in case?

I didn't ask. I trust that the meds I picked up today, taken before I got chipmunk cheek, will take care of it, and if not, the ER is open 24 hrs a day. I don't need "just in case" drugs. I trust that I did the next right thing -- made the appointment, called the service, picked up the 'script, take it as directed. I'm in manageable pain, and if that changes, then I deal with it.

I don't need to project into the future and prepare for "just in case." That's a reservation in my program and a form of insanity I don't need. I asked my HP to keep me in the "right now," and just for today, I'm okay. I trust that my needs will be taken care of, one way or the other. I 10th stepped my motives and then 11th stepped, asking for God's will and the strength to carry it out (which doesn't include a 'script, however small, of opiates in my medicine cabinet, I'm sure). I turned my attention to trying to help someone else (12th step).

Yesterday, I trusted the process because my old one sucked so bad. Today, I trust the process because experience has taught me that it works.

Great topic.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[kj3880]

I talked about "trusting the process" with my sponsor on Sunday in doing the 5th step. There are a couple of questions on that very subject in that step in the guide. As we went through it, I realized that I really have developed some amazing trust, both in the process and in God during the past 18 months. I came in with just a little bit of hope that I might be able to get and stay clean. I was told to "keep coming back." And to "fake it 'til you make it." Amazingly, those two suggestions are what worked for me. I really didn't feel a lot of trust or faith in anything that first few months. But I took suggestions anyway (got a sponsor, went to a lot of meetings, called women, didn't pick up, and worked steps), because my way hadn't worked. I figured "what do I have to lose except my misery?" Turned out I was right!

Love,
KJ

[Phinneas]

Excellent shares, KJ and Sugah!

[Wolfchild]

Before i came to the fellowship, all i had was hope. After coming into the fellowship, i started acting on faith that the program of recovery would work for me. As i continue to work the program on a daily basis, i see the spiritual evidence which developes my faith into trust. As i watch the miracle happening in the lives of other addicts & alcoholics, hope burns brighter within me. When we help each other, it all gets much stronger the longer it is shared.