I need to get over myself and tell you guys

[Lily]

Originally Posted by AW2486

Sheila,

I'm so glad you posted. You have been in my prayers.

Andy

Thanks so much Andy for being my friend on here. I am thankful I had you to share w/ the other day. Have a blessed day.

[andyaddict]

Originally Posted by AW2486

Sheila,

I'm so glad you posted. You have been in my prayers.

Andy

HEY!

Cool name dude.

a

[Wolfchild]

welcome back.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I've got one last advice to add on here

There are no excuses. I learned that early on in recovery. I can't justify my way clean and sober

[2ala2]

I believe that food addiction can be more than just another obsession added to the list for some of us.
I know I could never apply my NA program to my food addiction. Only 12 Step food programs worked for me.
It goes WAY beyond worrying about a few pounds or fitting in a certain pair of jeans.

[Lily]

Well just thought I would update on my progress in my recovery:

I have been to a meeting every day since my relapse. Since our NA meetings are very limited in this area, I have been supplementing with AA. AA in our area is booming!

I am also in search for a sponsor. One thing I think I know I blew was when my last sponsor relapsed in April, I never made that diligent search for someone new. I was kinda just winging it and utilizing others, than I thought my OA sponsor could kind of be my catch all, which I have learned isn't the case. I did learn the other night that my old sponsor never returned to the tables. I was very surprised. I also found out she has not returned anyone’s calls for a few months now. I was shocked and saddened by this. The last time I saw her she thought she had leukemia. I pray she doesn’t die out there.

I also have to make a decision whether or not to work the program of AA or NA. The NA support recovery network is VERY limited in my area. There is only one woman in the area w/ 22 yrs clean and she always used to tell me I was too hard on myself. This isn't the case however, because my sneaky slimy self is waaaay too selfish and self-centered to really be very hard on myself. She also isn't what I wanted in my recovery, meaning the way she works her program doesn't match up with her life and her motto is "I don't play well with others." She just doesn’t have what I want. In NA I was chairing a meeting with 5 months clean because of the lack of people. When I stepped down after 6 months, the meeting folded after 20 years, that is how small the meeting was in my area.

There is a possibility of another lady who is willing, and has MANY years in the program and I really think her wisdom could benefit me, but she is elderly and no longer drives and lives probably 30 miles away, but I am leaning toward asking her. She is a recovering addict and is awesome and works the AA program even though she was never an alcoholic she told me that when she first came into the program that was all there was. She was also a drug and alcohol counselor for many years with her husband.

In the mean time the NA convention is on Friday night, WHOO HOO and I am really looking forward to that. Perhaps I will meet someone there? I have sitter for my son so staying the night there is now and option for me. He is staying over night at a friends, and maybe my hubby would want to join me there after he gets off work on Friday night, that too is a possibility. Either that or a room alone which would be a good thing for me so I can sleep......all the other gals are already filled up in their rooms.

I did tell my husband and he actually was bummed for me and said, "Well, you didn't sin against me, but against God, and I'm sorry you have to start over...man that devil is just right there, huh?" I think part of me was expecting him to be super mad and disappointed, but he wasn't. The one funny thing he said, well, "I guess you are gonna need to keep going to those meetings at least once a month or so." Once a month? I think I need a bit more than that I know like once a day or so…..

I also decided to increase my food on my food plan after talking w/ my food sponsor to protect my recovery and clean time I am doing a re-haul on my food so that in the event my food plan lead to my relapse with lack of calories or carbs, I have some buffer for my brain.

Lots of exciting things are happening for me in my recovery. I can honestly say I am glad to be back in recovery. I had slacked off so much, the last time I was at meeting was when I picked up my 18 month keytag. Last night I was thinking on my way to the meeting how great it felt and how bummed I was about my relapse, then I thought about how I probably wouldn't even be going to a meeting unless I had relapsed. I mean I might have hit a meeting, but won’t want to work it anymore. Please do not read this and think my I am saying that my relapse was necessary in my life, because I know that GOD’s perfect will in my life was not to pick up at all. Relapse is never a good thing, but I know that my higher power can use all things in my life for my good. I think pride had crept in too and I had a feel of superiority over people who were struggling. One gal in particular has been in and out for a very long time….9 days, 2 week, 3 days, she was a chronic relasper and the other night I found out she had a year now!!! My addict is so insidious that I end up at a point in my life where I just back way off on my meetings and accountability and let everything else crowd in. I don’t FEEL like working on it anymore. NOTE TO SELF-DO NOT SLACK ON MEETINGS!! No matter what. That has happened before to me. My disease wants me live alone and isolate from other people in recovery. I am such a people person, but I know it isn’t just anyone I need to be around (my BFF’s, my family, my husband) But other people who are in recovery. Not just food recovery either, but substance abuse.

Well, my daycare kids here, so I am gonna run. So if you made it reading this far-thanks! Ciao!

Sheila

[ashleek]

You are an inspiration to me!