Going to give an NA lead

[Sugah]

Hey, folks,

I rarely begin threads, but something came up today, and I sure could use some E, S & H from you all.

I was asked this morning to give an NA lead later this month. I've done them in the past, but not since NA more or less collapsed in my area and I stopped going to NA meetings on a regular basis. NA plays a big role in my story -- it was the NA Helpline I first called before heading off to detox, my first home group while I was still in rehab was an NA meeting, I helped start a group and served as its secretary for nearly a year, and I've read all the literature. But, for the past four and a half years, I've only been to a handful of NA meetings.

When I was contacted, I made this clear. I asked the caller if she was sure she wanted me, suggested that maybe someone else would carry a better NA message, and she assured me that the well was running dry as far as finding speakers.

So, I agreed to do it. I've been taught not to turn down a reasonable request. I will respect the program and identify only as an addict. What other suggestions might you all have for me?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Paulie]

Speak from your heart, share your E,S& H....and all will be well. A bit about where you came from, how it is was and alot about how it is now....that is my suggestion.

You have ALOT to share and if you share honestly, the message will shine through. I would love to be there!!!!!!

(I am assuming that 'lead' means you are going to do what we call 'chair' the meeting).

[Sugah]

Thank you, Paulie. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to NA, and I feel honored to have an opportunity to give a little back.

Yes, I believe what we call a "lead" you would call "chairing" -- and what we call "chairing" is what kj referred to in another thread as "secretarying" (did I butcher that word??). Different parts of the country to seem to have their own terminology! I'm "secretary" for my home group, and that involves keeping track of how many folks attended, who "chaired", the announcements (given by the GSR), etc. We rotate "chairs" every month, and the chair for one month becomes the greeter for the next.

I find it very interesting how terms change from area to area -- like "dinner" and "supper!"

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Paulie]

I find it very interesting how terms change from area to area -- like "dinner" and "supper!"

LOL...I find it interesting too.

Speak of your gratitude.

[tommyk]

Sugah - just be yourself.

They will get the message.

And it will be a powerful message.

[Gmoney]

Hi Sugah,

I'm sure you'll do a great job! When I was nervous about sharing my first sponsor would always say, "As long as you're honest, the message of recovery will always shine through!" Like Paulie said, I always give a little about how it was, how it is, and why I stay. Just from reading your posts, I know you have a strong message of recovery. As we say in my area, you're gonna "drop it like it's hot!"

[Missybuns]

wish i could listen!

[Wolfchild]

i wouldn't be a bit surprised if someone asked you to sponsor them after the meeting! Your message will be clear because you have proven that it works by the way that you live!! You continue to be a blessing to my recovery
and i hope that you will be to theirs as well!!! Please share with us about how it went afterwards.

[kj3880]

Sugah,
I think you will do just great. I'm always kind of sad when I learn about an addict like you with a lot of recovery and clean time who qualifies for both fellowships but now almost exclusively goes to AA. It used to happen a even more, from what I hear, in the 80s and 90s, when most people in NA were new. People would get more than 5 years clean and go off to AA to be with the "regular folks" leading normal looking lives.

Now there are starting to be some women in NA with more than 20 years clean, and who are leading productive and fulfilling lives. I'm kinda hoping you go to the speaker engagement and then start coming to NA more often, because we need women like you more than you can ever know.

Love,
KJ

[Sugah]

Originally Posted by kj3880

Sugah,
I think you will do just great. I'm always kind of sad when I learn about an addict like you with a lot of recovery and clean time who qualifies for both fellowships but now almost exclusively goes to AA. It used to happen a even more, from what I hear, in the 80s and 90s, when most people in NA were new. People would get more than 5 years clean and go off to AA to be with the "regular folks" leading normal looking lives.

Now there are starting to be some women in NA with more than 20 years clean, and who are leading productive and fulfilling lives. I'm kinda hoping you go to the speaker engagement and then start coming to NA more often, because we need women like you more than you can ever know.

Love,
KJ

I struggled, kj, when I realized I had only so much time and wanted to do 12th step work. Where to do it? The meetings I used to go to in one town have completely collapsed. When I started, the person with the longest recovery was a guy with three years. He "appointed" people to service and members who were not ready to serve at the area level were hounded right out of the rooms. The meeting where I'm giving the lead is in my home town. In my first year, a different guy "took" responsibility for it, encouraging a group-therapy atmosphere and really blurring the boundaries of the fellowships -- based upon his belief that there should be just one 12 step program. He tried the same thing in the AA meetings but was shut down.

Anyway, this is a fairly healthy meeting now from what I hear, though I haven't attended since my father was sick. It's now forty minutes from where I live. The only other meetings nearby are held in a treatment facility, and they're not run by NA members but by counselors at the facility.

Perhaps one day, I'll become involved again in NA. I did help start a meeting that we kept open for a year, but the story behind that isn't something I want to air here on the board. I've let go of the resentments, but the facts of the matter haven't changed. Let's just say that I came away from it with the humbling realization that I'm one person.

I thank you all for the encouragement, and I'm really looking forward to it now. It's always an honor and a joy to be asked to share the message of recovery. As always, I will ask my HP to guide my words, then try to relax and have a good time.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[iou1na]

eek!
ouch, but all that between "lead" and "chair" and "secretary" and "speak", darned if I have no idea what y'all will be doing at that meeting!!

Not that it matters in the least.
In the 17 years since I last got clean, I've been to only a couple of handfuls of AA meetings, and about half of those I was asked to "speak" at (share my experience, strength, and hope). All I need to do is to respect the Fellowship I'm at, offer my ES&H in their "language", and always remember Tradition 3.

"The only requirement for (...)
membership is a desire to stop (...)"

[kj3880]

You have to do what is best for your recovery. There are lots of times when I despair about how few women in NA there are with something I want. I hope one day I can be a power of example. It can be discouraging to see so many relapse or leave the fellowship.

Love,
KJ

[Sugah]

It went well. Too tired now for a full report -- but I left feeling like I was right where I was supposed to be.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Paulie]

I left feeling like I was right where I was supposed to be

[Sugah]

I spent yesterday walking my back yard, wandering through the garden, reflecting on where I had been and where I am today. I found myself at one point "rehearsing," then laughed -- because I know from past experience, whatever I want to say isn't necessarily what will be given to me to say. So, after getting a cancellation call from a sponsee who was going to go with me, I headed off, visited with my ma for a bit, then went to the meeting. I was early, so I sat in my car and prayed for about ten minutes -- "please give me the words."

It wasn't a very big meeting, which had a definite advantage. I got to talk to nearly everyone before I left. I spoke for forty-five minutes and I stayed forty-five minutes after. They had brief open sharing, and I hope I was more humbled than puffed up when a couple of folks shared how I'd affected their recovery. One young woman I first met in a jail meeting related that I'd told her a story about my son and how my addiction had affected him, and it helped her to see that she could learn to forgive herself, could become a better mother. Another remembered a conversation we'd had when she was eight days clean and how she couldn't believe someone who looked so "together" would take fifteen minutes to talk to "someone like her." She still had the card I'd given her with my phone number on it -- almost three years ago. A young man I met at the local college talked about how many times during our friendship he relapsed, and how I kept telling him, "We'll still be here when you're ready" -- and how he felt the unconditional love and courage to come back in. One of my sponsees was there. She talked about how badly she had treated me (I was too happy for her taste ), and when she finally realized she couldn't do this thing on her own and asked me to sponsor her, she was amazed I didn't tell her to go **** in her hat She's five and a half years clean now, and if sponsors gave gold stars for step work, she'd get a bunch. She did the work, and she knows it.

There were two women present I didn't know. One had some severe chronic pain issues. I held her outside while she cried, her telling me how scared she was to try to live clean. I gave her my phone number and some resources outside the fellowship that had helped me. Another is in a half-way house and had "failed to live up to her potential." Her permanent home is near my apartment in Pittsburgh, so I gave her my number, too, so we can hook up this fall to hit some meetings -- some NA meetings. Yes, kj, I remembered your words last night!

You know, I've done this enough times to know that I can walk away all puffed up afterward, but last night had the opposite effect. I was thinking about what could have happened in my family, and maybe even to those who offered feedback last night if I hadn't made a decision that day in October, 2002. The gravity of it hit me -- that as powerful an effect our using has on those around us, our recovery has just as powerful an effect. I cried some on the way home, grateful for the opportunities given to me and the responsibility that goes along with them.

What I'd like to say -- well, I'm still working on finding the words to convey it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for my life.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Paulie]

The gravity of it hit me -- that as powerful an effect our using has on those around us, our recovery has just as powerful an effect.

Very powerful words....thank you.

Your post brought tears to my eyes......thank you for sharing that with us, that is recovery working in all our lives.

[Missybuns]

Sugah,

thank you very very much

I feel your spirit,
Missy

[Charmie]

sugah,thank you very much.your last post made cry and it brought back to me that all consuming powerful feeling of gratitude thats overwhelms.thank you again.i love reading your stuff,its inspirational.