Having a hard time quitting!

[dragonheart]

Why is this so hard to do when i want to quit taking these pain meds? I keep going up and down.First i cut down for a couple days and feel really crappy until i go back up and then i am fine.So far i am taking 2 pills less a day then what i used too but that is not good enough,I want to be off them completely.I have gone to five NA meetings which are good but i feel very uncomfortable because i am new and probably the only one in there under the influence,any ideas.

[2ala2]

Get to a detox facility ANY way you can.
Good luck to you

[lunarise]

I agree with 2.....Detox...its the healthiest way in my opinion....take care of you...keep checkin in..

Peace
VS

[Gmoney]

Why is this so hard to do when i want to quit taking these pain meds? I keep going up and down.First i cut down for a couple days and feel really crappy until i go back up and then i am fine.

"At first, we were using in a manner that seemed to be social or at least controllable...At some point, our using became uncontrollable and anti-social...We may have tried to moderate, substitute or even stop using, but we went from a state of drugged success and well-being to complete spiritual, mental and emotional bankruptcy...We had to reach our bottom, before we were willing to stop."

For me, until the illusion that I could control my addiction or recover on my own was broken, I was forced to continue doing it my way and my way didn't work.

[Doug]

Originally Posted by dragonheart

I have gone to five NA meetings which are good but i feel very uncomfortable because i am new and probably the only one in there under the influence,any ideas.

Most likely because you're new and under the influence, but you're very likely not the only one there while under the influence either. Feeling unique or "more bad or broken" than others is common, but it's not reality.

The first step needs to be getting off the stuff, somehow...

Is there anybody in your life, or you've met at a meeting you can talk to, and get together with, to help you plan and quit the pills? Doing it alone is really difficult, and often feels impossible.

[dragonheart]

I am going to keep going to these meetings until it helps me get off this sruff.I just hope that it doesn't take forever.

[SugarScars]

KEEP GOING TO NA and SHARE!! An addict that I greatly admire just celebrated 21 years COMPLETELY clean (no alcohol, nothing except ciggies and coffee, which I guess count as socially acceptable drugs). He said that he was loaded at meetings for months.

YOU CAN DO IT! This guy did - and from what he shared with us, he was pretty bad off at the beginning.

Addicts at NA will offer their experiences; then, you can figure out what's best for you from their personal stories.

[dragonheart]

Thank you for all the responses and i think about getting off this stuff everyday.I just hope that i can deal with the pain and not have to take anything once i stop.

[serenityqueen]

The reason you are feeling so crappy when you cut back is because your body is used to a certain amt and when you don't put that amt in, your body is reacting to it. It's not happy and this is it's way of letting you know. So naturally, when you get back up to your usual amt, your body is happy again.

It sounds like you may need to go into detox. Once our bodies become physically dependent on these pills, it's hard to just stop, as you are well aware. My DOC was pain pills so I know what you're talking about. Some people do well slowly tapering off, but for me, I couldn't do that. I had to go into detox.

As far as the Meetings go, there are many people who go to Meetings while they are using, I did. The only requirement of going to NA is having the desire to stop. . . no one ever said that you had to have already stopped. Maybe you feel like you are being dishonest by going to Meetings high? Just a guess. I know I did. I felt like I was the only one in the room who was using and I felt like every single person could take one look at me and know that I was high. Unless you're obviously under the influence due to slurred speech, stumbling, not everyone can tell. And even is someone can tell, no one is judging you. They will see someone who wants help.

Once you're off the pills, working a Program of Recovery and continuing to go to Meetings is, in my opinion, vital to remaining clean. Using drugs is just a symptom of the disease of addiction. We also need to get to the bottom of our issues as to why we picked up in the first place.

If you have chronic pain conditions, like I do and many others here on SR, I'd like to suggest checking out the forum, while I cannot for the life of me think of the correct name of it right now, it's for people who experience pain in their lives and want to remain clean and sober. I deal with pain on a daily basis due to Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus. For me, I will not take one opiate pain med. I know that if I ever took just one pill, it would wake up a demon that I wish to never have control over me again. I'm on several different medications for the particular diseases that I have and I have learned other ways to minimize the pain other than taking pain pills.

Just take things One Day at A Time and I highly encourage you to look into detox.

God Bless,
Judy

[Missybuns]

I am another one who was going to meetings while under the influence. I did that for close to two years before I surrendered.

Get yourself detoxed and keep going to meetings until you want to. Then do what you want.

Peace,
Missy

[dzander]

The one thing that kept me from quitting was the fear of quitting; the fear of withdrawals, the fear of living without my "happiness." It was amazing how powerful my fears were: "what's withdrawal going to be like? I'll never make it through. I don't want to be sick. I won't be able to stay clean."

But honestly, the biggest obstacle was the fear of feeling crappy.....long story short: I went to Detox and have been clean ever since! And I went in while I still had pills; I didn't wait til they were gone or anything - I just did it.

Are you able to get to a detox? ER? I agree with the others with their supportive suggestions of continuing with the meetings and detox!

Good luck - the desire to quit is there so that is a huge start!
dona

[dragonheart]

I know that i wrote this thread a while ago but it still apllies because i am having a very hard time quitting.At least i am not taking oxycodone 30's anymore due to the pharmacies not having any,but i am still taking 3 oxycontin 40's and four 8 mg dilodids a day and for the last five days ive been off the 30's,I get the major hot flashes every hour.I dont understand why these happen when i am taking other meds still.I work hard to help support my family and cannot afford going to detox so i really hope that i can get off these things completely or at least get down to 1 or 2 a day for the pain that i deal with on a daily basis.I am definately struggling with this and i see myself not spending as much time with my family as i should be and i hate myself for that.I don't know if this is a start for wanting to get clean or what but i have been trying for a while.Is this a normal feeling or what?

[Gmoney]

"...We had to reach our bottom, before we were willing to stop."

That's what I wrote earlier in this thread, and 1 month has gone by since you first posted this thread..and you still struggle. It seems pretty obvious that you cannot stop on your own, wouldn't you say? So...my next question is: what will it take?

Mind you...I've been in your shoes. A counselor suggested that I be admitted into a long-term recovery program out of state (90 days). I balked and declared, "There's no way in hell I'm going to leave my good job and my home to go away for 90 days!!! Who's going to pay my bills? I'll lose everything I've got!!!"

The counselor calmly said, "If you don't take suggestions seriously and stop using, you'll lose it all anyway."

Less than a year later I got fired. Within a year after that, I was incarcerated. If you think things are bad now...keep digging...it gets worse.

[2ala2]

Get to a detox facility ANY way you can.
Sell something if you have to.
Good luck to you

[dzander]

The bottom line is - If you don't get help it will ruin everything you are trying to save! Listen to the people - millions of people-that have been where you are! We know what we're talking about!

However - I had to get to my own place on my own time so everyone is different. Same results - just a different route of getting there.

I wish you the best of luck - but I strongly suggest rehab as soon as possible......whatever it takes!

Take care,
Dona

[kj3880]

Yep, I was where you are. I had to go to NA daily, and an addictionologist and do suboxone therapy for a while to get off of the pain meds. I'm not saying that is the ideal or only way, but it was the best way for me.

Tapering off of pain meds might help, but most people can't do it. They end up taking more in the end than when they started. I know hundreds of addicts who tried to taper off of their DOC, and not one that succeeded in that method. I'm sure someone has done it, but I never met them. I personally had about 100 detox schedules in my purse before I got desperate and got some help. I had to be desperate. When you get desperate, you'll do whatever it takes.

Love,
KJ

[CrackQuack]

Originally Posted by dragonheart

Why is this so hard to do when i want to quit taking these pain meds? I keep going up and down.First i cut down for a couple days and feel really crappy until i go back up and then i am fine.So far i am taking 2 pills less a day then what i used too but that is not good enough,I want to be off them completely.I have gone to five NA meetings which are good but i feel very uncomfortable because i am new and probably the only one in there under the influence,any ideas.

It IS so hard to do, at first, because I believe many of us, when we first try to get clean, aren't really ready to commit. To surrender.
When I first came to NA, I KNOW I was looking for something. Didn't know exactly what I was looking for. Was I looking to give crack up completely or just control it? Was I looking to reconnect with my HP or just be with people who have been drug free for long periods of time?
Now that I look back, I realize I was, at first, looking for a way to just control (or slow down) my use of crack. I still wanted it. I just didn't wnt it to take over my life like it has been. It took quite a few months of sneaking crack and saying I was clean or substituting alcohol, pot and pills to curb my cravings for crack before I just gave in and surrendered. I've gone 60 days without doing anything now, except what was prescribed to me (I had vikes prescribed and took them as prescribed- one or two every 4-6 hours for pain).
Being a newbie, YOU ARE HELPING OTHER addicts too! You help them remember where they came from and give them an opportunity to give back by helping you! So reach out to them. Get phone numbers. Most will recommend going to 90 meetings in 90 days, but everyone is different. I couldn't do 90 in 90, but I did quit my roadside assistance job and did 30 in 30. And it's helped a lot. This site has helped a lot.
Go to a meeting and ask how many of the other addicts have been to at least one meeting LOADED. I bet more than half the room will raise their hands! I know I went to countless meetings, last year, high on alcohol, pot, crack, pills, or a combo of them, before I got serious. It is perfectly normal for addicts to have gone to a meeting loaded, at least once.
I remember one, in particular, back in December, I was so loaded on vikes and alcohol, I had to fight to stay awake! I was super quiet and left super quick. But I also remember thinking how great it was not to be loaded on crack... DOH! Hadn't quite surrendered yet.
I still have a lot of uncertainties, but I do know that my HP has helped me through, as well as my sponsor and many of my NA friends. Meetings aren't the most important thing to me, but I have to make at least one a week or I feel a little off balance. Everyone is different. You may grow to love them so much you'll want to go to one every day and I know people that go to two a day!
But if you truly want to quit, go to those meetings. Get a sponsor. Get numbers. GO to the fellowship activities afterwards too. They make you feel like you're on top of the world. It's a lot of fun.
It's not easy to quit. It's a lot of work, but it's worth it and you'll feel so much better. You'll be proud of yourself! So many good things will come from not using.
But remember to TAKE IT EASY! Concentrate on staying clean JUST FOR TODAY. If you feel you cannot handle the whole day, go a few minutes. Tell yourself "Just for 5 minutes I will not use." and when that time is up, tell yourself "Just 5 minutes!" and keep up the process. When I first started staying clean (from all drugs), I was running minute by minute. I prayed a lot. And I know my HP has been right beside me, and probably carried me through many many days and nights. Weekends were the hardest because I'd spend 1 grand each weekend getting high. I got high all week too, but the weekend was my big spender...
Now, I don't have much money, but I was able to give my youngest son an outstanding birthday party this past weekend, and I can honestly say it was the best weekengis time), and my son had a great time at his party and getting to drive my truck (in an empty parking lot! don't panic anyone!). And I got a headlight for my truck (a friend wrecked it and hasn't paid a dime for it). I am out of gas money for it, but I have a full tank and just need to watch my driving carefully. All is good.
And remember, nothing is ever perfect. If you use again, don't beat yourself up. PICK yourself up, dust yourself off, call someone, go to a meeting, and start over. I highly recommend getting the books too. You can get the Basic Text at your library! I got my first one there. I just kept checking it out until I could afford one of my own!

[Wolfchild]

i had a desire to stop using when i knew that most of my problems were directly related to drug use. Guess i was about 16 when i first realized this. Knowing this and still choosing to get high anyway increased the pain i felt. So i decided to stop thinking about quitting drugs and try to manage any way i could. This began a process of denial and refusal which led me further away from reality then i ever wanted to go. It's also the point when i started to lose touch with my hopes and dreams of who or what i wanted to be. i wanted to stop but didn't have the ability.

The last time i used was 3 years, 2 months, and 6 days ago. i asked for help in getting clean by going to a hospital (actually, two people i had used with took me there!) and got into NA bcause i needed help staying clean. i have not used since that day and i have not regretted it. i'm no longer a stranger to myself, i am accepting responsibility for myself daily, and i keep going to meetings no matter what i am feeling. i have a home group and i talk with my sponsor regularly. i follow in the footsteps of others who are the living examples that this program works.

Getting clean may seem like the hardest thing you will ever do, but you only have to stay clean one day at a time. Please don't let what youv'e done in the past beat you down and take away your right to recover and stay clean.

Get the help that you know you need to make it work for you and keep coming back!

[dragonheart]

Thank you very much for your replies,I read them through and through.I actually took one less pill today.I think i am taking too many because i have been having a little trouble breathing over the last few days which scares the hell out of me because i had a dvt last year that also went to my right lung that almost killed me and i just got off the blood thinners two weeks ago.I have asked every doctor that i talked to in the last eight months if the pain meds caused this and they all said no.Now you guys know some of the other things ive been dealing with in my life and i thank you very much for sharing yours and i hope i can be drug free like you and stay that way.Thanks again.