Step blending/blurring

[kj3880]

Something that I've experienced as I work on and share the step work with my "temporary sponsor" is a blending of steps. I know I'm supposed to work the steps in order, but bits of later steps often come up while working primary steps. For example, I'm on step three. Step three is very hard for me. As a control freak, turning stuff over to God, even though I believe in Him, is hard for me. I'm not used to it.

So in doing that, bits of step four come up: being a control freak is a character defect, and I have to think about the fact that I have that character defect to be able to turn my will and life over to God. And I need help with that, so I have to admit I have this defect, become ready to have it removed, and humbly ask God to remove it (steps 5, 6, and 7), even to get through step 3.

So my step work is getting all jumbled up, going in a patchwork fashion, not laterally. Does this happen to anyone else? Am I even making any sense at all? Can it work out this way for me?:praying
KJ

[tommyk]

Plenty of distractions will arise during difficult steps.

You're having difficulties with step 3 so your mind drifts off to other steps, very typical in my opinion. When you find yourself being distracted get back on track. Finish step 3, that should be the focus. Maybe go back and refer to step 2 again, and step one also. Forget about moving forward until you have finished the previous step though.

[Taking5]

I agree with Tommy, but please re-read step 3. Step 3 does not say to turn you will and life over to God, it says Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

Have you made the decision to do this? If so, do you every morning, however awkwardly and inadequately, turn that day over to God as you understand him?

If not please do so. Your ability to turn the day over to God as you understand him will get easier, and you will do a better job of it, as you do it every day and continue to practice the principles of AA in your life. It was not meant to be perfect on the first attempt. Progress not perfection. That is why the step says "made a decision" and "as we understood him". These 2 qualifiers are the most important words in this step IMHO.

[2ala2]

I totally agree with Dgills.
Work your step KJ and the ones preceeding it. Don't look forward. Don't make things harder on yourself. Make your decision. Divide your day to priorities. Do only what needs to be done today. Share with other fellows on what your 'role' is at this point. You would be surprised at the simplicity of the answer. Do the 'right' thing and let your HP do the rest. Slowwwwwwwwww down. Take it easy.

[Phinneas]

Yup - good things shared here.

[Lily]

It happens for me every single day and for me it is okay. See, I do not believe in allowing the "sun to go down on my wrath" Therefore, I HAVE to make amends to my family when things come up. I have also made other amends just so that I could maintain my own life.

I am constantly dealing w/ character defects, and even before I started step 4. I honestly think that working the steps can become a "way of life" quicker for some than for others. I think it is for me because of my faith in my higher power and the fact that I have been a Christian for 19 years. I also figured out than in the 19 years most likely 18 of them I have been clean and have already worked 4 & 5 before, (with all of my real icky stuff)

Not to say I am character defect free, cuz the more that is revealed, the sicker I see I really am. However, a lot of the "biggies" have been dealt with already.

So rest assured that it is okay KJ. Keep plugging along and take care of things as they crop up while working the steps. The steps are working and you are living them!!!!

Hope I didn't just confuse you more w/ that ramble.....

blessings, Sheila

[REZ]

I agree that each step is distinct and that each step should be formally "worked" on its own. Don't look ahead to step 9 when working step 8, etc.

However, once you have worked (formally) all of the steps, they become more like principles that you live your life by. You may find yourself working several steps at one time in a particular situation (this has been my experience). I may find that particular situation requires me to be honest (step 1), openminded (step 2), willing (step 3), humble (step 7) and forgiving (step 9).

[kj3880]

Thank you all for your responses, but I am still mentally confused, I will reread the step. I'm trying really hard to be teachable, but in my understanding, I just don't see how I can decide to turn that stuff over and then...not turn it over???? So, I'm trying to turn over situations as they occur. And I try to remember in the morning to turn the day over to God, but I don't always. I'm at my worst in the morning.

And Sheila is right. Once I stopped using, I was immediately remorse-filled. I wanted to start making ammends right away. At the very least, as the wrong things occurred, I wanted to start living right and correct them. I didn't want to pile any more guilts up on my plate. I already had enough that I felt bad about.

I guess, what I'm saying, is that for me, some of it is just going to be worked patchwork. Doesn't mean I'm not going to finish this quilt, though. I'm a weirdo, I guess. I really want to be good. I really want to be a good person and do the right thing. But I understand what you are all saying about getting ahead of myself and getting overwhelmed. I have to figure out how to get through the steps without getting overwhelmed. A more committed sponsor would probably help. I think I will start attending the Tuesday Step Work Meetings. They are really mostly old-timers in there, and almost always all men, but I think it might be helpful in my situation. Thanks all of you. Now can someone tell me when I'll feel the complete serenity...lol
KJ

[tommyk]

"Now can someone tell me when I'll feel the complete serenity..."

Ha...! Tell me!

Honestly, I do the first three steps every morning BECAUSE I'm worst in the mornings. I have to make myself realize each day that I have nothing to fear from the day, I am not in control of every event that will occur, and that basically I'm just God's puppet - He is pulling my strings.

In closing... I have felt the complete serenity on many occasions. These days I feel it more often than not.

[Taking5]

Kj,

Just keep coming back, it will get easier. A step meeting is a good thing, IMHO.

Remember that step 3 is a process, not a singular event. Do the best you can do every day to turn your life over to your higher power, and as I said, you'll get better at it.

[Sugah]

I can't add much to the already great stuff above except this: Making the decision for me was one of faith. I really didn't know what I was going to surrender. I had to do some more work first (step 4, 5 & 6). I just had to know that my way of doing things wasn't working out very well and believe that others before me had pretty good luck putting someone/something else in charge.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[REZ]

No one works Step 3 perfectly. We always try to take back control of things again. Don't worry about that. Just keep trying.

[Gmoney]

Step one - I am not God. I am not all-powerful. I cannot control all-things. Actually, I have "less" power than I thought I had, and since I can honestly admit this...I'm gonna stop trying to control or manage everything and try something different.

Step two - There is someone or something that can help me live right, and I'll try my best to believe it. I mean, wtf? The proof is all around me that others in recovery are using some sort of "power" to stay clean and live useful lives! If it works for them, it can work for me.

Step three - Just for today, I'm making a decision to allow this "power" I came to believe in Step 2 to guide me. Because I'm human, I'm liable to flip-flop...but I'll get better with practice.

The NA principles of honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are, as the text says, "indispensible" and I've found that they're in every step...but I know that's not what you're talking about. Although I agree with everyone that it is best not to jump ahead or try to work the steps backwards, I have to say that it is not unusual to work a step long before you really understand it. You see, spiritual principles are never in conflict with one another. Chances are, when you're applying one...you're applying a few others as well.

IMO, we all do a little "informal" working of this step or that step at different times during our processes. But while we are "formally" working a specific step, it is best to stay focused on the task at hand. KJ, you've said yourself that we're complicated addicts..and given the opportunity, we'll complicate a simple program.

Take it easy.

[hairgirl]

I purchased the step workbook, it helped a great deal.You can buy it at most NA meetings.

[navysteve]

Step three is very hard for me. As a control freak, turning stuff over to God, even though I believe in Him, is hard for me. I'm not used to it. So in doing that, bits of step four come up: being a control freak is a character defect, and I have to think about the fact that I have that character defect to be able to turn my will and life over to God.

I don't think step three is easy for many of us. And in my understanding of the steps, if I make that decision, I need to get busy with 4 through 11 ( which is the action of that decision). If I am turning my will over, I need to learn who I am ( sounds like step 4 to me). I know many get stuck on this step. Step three is an important decision ( one of the most important decisions ever), but it is simply a decision. A decision that needs to be followed by action ( step 4).

The NA principles of honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are, as the text says, "indispensible" and I've found that they're in every step...but I know that's not what you're talking about. Although I agree with everyone that it is best not to jump ahead or try to work the steps backwards, I have to say that it is not unusual to work a step long before you really understand it. You see, spiritual principles are never in conflict with one another. Chances are, when you're applying one...you're applying a few others as well.

AMEN!!!!

The steps are a journey, not the destination. There is no one single formula for coming to terms with step three. I found faith in my sponsor's experience strength and hope was invaluable in this step. Steps one and two were no problem for me in my early understanding. I knew I could not use. I understood that replacement therapy led me right back to the same old same old...

I understood that using was a symptom of a bigger problem

I had been in and out of the rooms for 6 years. I watched NA grow up in my area. I saw how people from AA and NA worked together for the sole purpose of helping addicts get clean ( and stay that way). It was a powerful message of cooperation that stayed with me all these years. I knew there was magic in the rooms...

I thought I was an athiest, but learned that I was just a boring old agnostic ( full of doubt). The integrity of my sponsor was the most powerful message he had. It spoke louder than anything I heard in meetings. He broke things down real simple for me. He told me that we practice the steps, practice implies imperfection. And imperfection is OK. THe most inadequate attempt to get close to God is enough. He has great hearing and will guide us. Persistence is the key to step three. Persistence in step three. Persistence in 4 thru 11. When practiced we are delivered at that part of step 12 where we practice these steps in all our affairs . We have a spiritual awakening which is the result of that decision we make on step three.

[Peter]

I recommend working The Steps using the "Step Working Guides" it will help you to remain focused.

[Gmoney]

Originally Posted by navysteve

I don't think step three is easy for many of us. And in my understanding of the steps, if I make that decision, I need to get busy with 4 through 11 ( which is the action of that decision). If I am turning my will over, I need to learn who I am ( sounds like step 4 to me). I know many get stuck on this step. Step three is an important decision ( one of the most important decisions ever), but it is simply a decision. A decision that needs to be followed by action ( step 4).

Steve...are you sure you're not my first sponsor in disguise? LOL!!

Well said.

[kj3880]

I was just re-reading what Steve wrote above and giving thanks for that message. Well said, Steve, one of your best posts ever, IMO. Thanks for the boost up to step four!
KJ