Foul Language in Meetings- I got Booed!!

[kmsj75]

I was leading a NA meeting at a local rehab, and when they heard that it was NA and not AA, a guy booed me! That was a first... it turns out that while a lot of them think they're addicts, they don't like the foul language that so freely flows in NA meetings. They were very sarcastic, and introducing themselves as fu#$ing addicts. While I think their behavior was rude and childish, they have a point- around here, the language is pretty rough.

Just wondering how the language is in other parts of the world...I've heard that some groups have strict rules about it- the old "If you're cleaning up your act, clean up your language" belief.

Peace,
Kristin

[Lily]

I agree, I have never heard the F word as much as when I am in an NA meeting. I think I hear it mostly from the younger crowd as it is very much a part of their vocabulary. Even though I myself do not cus, it doesn't bother me as much now, and do not think ppl should be censored, sometimes it can be over the top.

Now that you mention it, I do not hear it much in AA.

Sheila

[Phinneas]

I think they were rude to you, Kristin.

[whiskerkissed]

I think they were very rude, too. My meetings are very "language liberal" and I fall right in. Those are house words here. There is a time and place where that language is not acceptable, but I'm glad my NA group is not so strict. I wouldn't feel as comfortable going.

[Sugah]

Well, I was married to a sailor, daughter of a truck driver and I worked for a long time in a garage, so I had (and sometimes still have) quite the mouth on me. I say I get it honest, and when I was very new in the rooms, it wasn't part of me I tried very hard to change. As time went on, though, "change everything" meant my language, too.

I have children, and I don't want them talking like I used to. What's the solution? Lead by example. As I've eliminated words from my vocabulary, I've added other, more precise words. Gee - that might be a good exercise for a sponsor to suggest to a sponsee who's looking to change that particular aspect of themselves!

I'm a little confused why you were booed by people who introduce themselves in such a profane way and yet complain about the language. Do I have that right? Or am I misunderstanding?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[kj3880]

Weird. Every NA meeting I've ever been to used the f word a lot. I was in the Army for 10 years, and now work in a macho atmosphere still, so I'm used to it. I try to watch my language though, because I've been told that it seems coarse and unladylike to curse. So I try not to. I like to be a lady.

It doesn't bother me when others do it though. I don't like it when people have children in the room and there is a lot of rough language, if the children are old enough to catch it. For example, a couple had their 8-year-old in the room last night, and they ended up having to take turns watching him out in the hall because of the language. It is a really late-night meeting, though, so hardly any children come there. One of the reasons I like it there so much. (Just me, please don't kill me for my opinion. I know, I know, I need to work on tolerance and understanding for the parents without daycare, or um...nightcare.)
kj

[lizw]

Only people in a treatment centre would look down on a person who wasn't in a treatment centre and was living a clean life....

That obviously think they know better than you, or at least feel rightgeous enough to judge you.

I can take swearing or leave it. I tend to swear a lot when I am emotional or tired.

I also try to avoid the people who make a big deal out of it, to swear or not to swear. I'm over trying to be a spiritual giant. I've seen older AA members tear strips off younger members (not in age either) regarding their language, publicly. And I personally find it disgusting.

[Timebuster]

Heck, when I was in rehab it was mandatory to go to NA, AA meetings. If it wasn’t mandatory and the choice was up to me, I wouldn’t have gone to neither of them. I found them boring. But that was then.

I been going to the same home group almost four years now and other meetings in my area. I try to be a power of example. But to be honest with you, a few bad words do come out of my mouth once in a while. But to be more honest am better now then when I first started going to the rooms. Growth is a big factor. When we change our thinking, our personality flaws/behaviors then follows. If you haven’t already read Chapter Five on Personality Change please do so.

When I lived in Bklyn NY, I move in to an apartment on the second floor. Outside of the bedroom window, I would say about thirty feet away was the elevated train tracks. Every few minutes the J train would pass by and it shook the whole house and the nose was ear popping. A few weeks went by and I got so use to it that I forgot about the train, the house shaking and the nose. Get my point.

I can only work on me. One day at a time.

Ivan

[sct]

I have a fairly extensive vocabulary- for a kid who didn't graduate high school

That includes words like inchoate (at the beginning stages), myriad (many different kinds of) and f*ck (an expletive, usually used for emphasis or derision.) They all have their place

"Sometimes anger's subtle, stocked in metaphor
Full of finesse and dressed in allure
Yeah, sometimes anger's subtle, less rage than sad
Leaking slow through spigots you didn't know you had
But sometimes it's just
F*ck you, F*ck you
You see, and to me
That's poetry too."

-Alix Olson, 1998 National Slam Poetry Champion.

[REZ]

Our home group reads the following statement at the before the meeting begins, along with a few others: "please try to avoid the use of profanity when sharing."
We are not strict with the rule--we don't interrupt people who are using foul language--but people get the point. We still have foul language in our meetings, but much less than other meetings in the area. We decided to adopt this statement because people often bring their children to meetings.

From a larger perspective, I consider the use of foul language an old behavior. I used a lot of foul language when I was out there using drugs. I still do today, but much less so. I am trying to let go of old behaviors, old ideas. I can express anger without using the F-word.

[Gmoney]

I guess some addicts forget where they come from, eh?

The guy that booed you was an a$$hole... there's one in every crowd. There will also be, IMO, one of those super-spiritual people that has wings and a halo. I try to stick with the humans - you know, the ones who understand that "changing everything" is (for some) a myth and unattainable goal. Some things just don't change and, IMO, don't have to for me to recover. I don't know about others, but I came to NA with college degrees and was a master manipulator. I could blend in with any crowd. Can I speak without cursing? Of course I can. Like SCT, my vocabulary is pretty long. I could be anything anyone wanted me to be as long as I was getting something out of it. Today I just be myself and try to stay aware of my environment. If I'm around kids...I'll make sure to keep it toned down. Although I'm not a total garbage mouth anyway...I don't concern myself with foul language. I didn't get clean to be perfect and I have to let others be where they're at.

[tommyk]

Most of the meetings I attend I am calm, cool, collective, and I share with flowery non-profane eloquence.

And then there are those few times when it is all I can do to stop thinking I ought to f*cking kill myself and every other m-f'ing word is profanity.

When you've gotta share - SHARE. Get it out and walking through talking. In whatever language it takes.

Jails, institutions, and death, folks. This recovery lifestyle is not G rated.

Just my opinion - if I get offended I know the solution (I get up and leave).

[Thundar301]

How rude they were to booo anyone who would take time to try to help them in recovery, who runs that rehab??? we would have lost phone use for the following weekend, something that we did lose durning my time there for people using the restroom in a steady flow during a speaker meeting, one guy went to the bathroom 3 times in 90 minutes. As far as the profanity I agree with a lot of what has already been shared, it old behaviour for my and is one of my character defects issues I am working on also, Being in the Army, then warehouses and factories for years, on the the "F" bomb mecca of Truck driving... I have tried to expand my vocabulary and I still slip back into it either when I be come comfortable or angry, back to work. Don't let that stop you from doing speaker/ H & I meetings in the future.... Dean

[kmsj75]

Thanks, folks!

Yes, as I told them (during that same meeting,) "Addicts are the only ones who could be lying in the gutter looking down on you." This "rehab" is actually a nationally ranked mental hospital with a unit for addiction. It is very posh, and the patients are usually professionals (doctors, teachers, lawyers...) I go because it is where I got clean almost 3 years ago, and how awesome to be on the other side of that table!!

The guy that booed me was actually an AA guy who fell off the wagon. Hmmmm....

I am going to continue to go because normally "outsiders" are not allowed in the clinic. It's hard to even get into see a loved one. I was asked to do this by my former drug counselor there, and consider it a huge honor. Yes, they are judgemental, yes they are conceited, but so was I when I got there.

Interesting about language in other meetings. I certainly agree that "if you've got to let it out, let it out." However, I do get tired of the shares where every other word is fu*#. I have two small children and was a single mom for the first 2 years I was clean, and I felt I couldn't take them to meetings because of the language issue. While I don't think we should prevent free speech in shares, I do think about the parent whose only choice if they want a meeting is to bring their child, as they have a right to recover, too. I do hear people say things like "get a babysitter," but in my experience I didn't have enough money to feed the three of us, let alone money for a babysitter.
JMO...

Thanks for all the replies!

[daydream]

Where I live in KY, there is very little cursing in NA meetings. There's nothing read to request that--it's just the way it is.

As for being booed, consider the source.
As for trying to maintain an atmosphere of recovery under those conditions, I'm not sure what I would do. A topic of "RESPECT" seems appropriate. Judging an entire program, that has saved millions of lives, based on rumors about fowl language is just stupid. Sooner or later they'll either learn that or they'll use. More valid protests have come from kindergardeners about the brand of bathroom tissue they wipe their butts with. Gee, I wish I could have told them that myself

[rickardo]

Well,
I'm glad to hear that swearing is universal....lol! Happens in the NA meetings here in Victoria and Vancouver on a F@#ing regular basis. I try not to. But sometimes a F____! is like the ultimate exclamation point....
Cheers