Topic: Surrender, Not Retreat

[Gmoney]

Hi Family,

I got a call yesterday and was asked to speak at an NA function this coming weekend. The topic I'm to share on is: "Surrender...not retreat."

I have an idea of how I'll approach it, but I figured it couldn't hurt to get your input.

Any ideas? Comments? Concerns?

Thanks,
GarryW

[dgillz]

Retreat means to disengage but with hopes of fighting and winning the war at some point in the future. Surrender means you give up, the other party has won not just the battle but the war.

I am in AA not NA but I remember when I first surrendered. I had been fighting alcohol for a long time, in and out of AA. All of my AA meetings at that point had been court ordered.

I finally bought a big book and started reading. After a week or so sober and reading my BB I thought I understood the 12 steps and went to an AA meeting. They asked about newcomers at the meeting and I introduced myself and said "I am here to beat my addiction".

After the meeting an oldtimer came up to me and said "Son, you aren't going to beat anything in there, you're ass has already been whipped".

This pissed me off, but when I thought about it, he was right. What was there left to fight? I might as well have been playing Micheal Jordan 1 on 1 in basketball, I am beaten before I start.

A that point I understood the surrender concept, and I truly for the first time took step 1. Also at that time I finally understood the "white knuckle" sobriety concept, because for the first time I was not white knuckling it, I felt peace without drinking or planning my next drink.

Prior to this, I had several "retreats": A "geographical" cure, which helped for a while until I learned where all the players were in my new town; Going on the wagon for periods of time, which of course proved I was not an alcoholic; and many others. None of these of course were the surrender that I explained above.

So mine is just one story, but without getting into too much of a drug-a-log, I would try to demonstrate the difference between retreat and surrender as it relates to the program.

I hope that helps.

[Thundar301]

To me this is the meaning of my 1st step , I surrendered, I was powerless over my addiction, where as before that time I was in denial, I "had it under control" and would end up right back at the start again, I realize now I was retreating, my addiction still had control of my actions and thoughts, but I was to stubburn to concide defeat. Once I concured with the 1st step and found the rooms of NA, I was no longer fighting trying to be in control of everything in my life, I was too busy to care about anything that did not directly envolve me staying clean or my recovery. So by "Surrendering" I was not wasting time and energy on stuff that had my eyes off the "brass ring" so to speak... for that understanding I thank my higher power, without that I would not even have today! Dean

[frstnm]

Sober Not Dead

[bugsworth]

Garry so sorry to bust into your thread BUT on of my favorite songs ever is Bruce Springsteens No surrender

Well, we made a promise we swore we'd always remember
No retreat, baby, no surrender
Like soldiers in the winter's night
With a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender

I kinda like it...I know you won't mind a different opinion...food for thought.

[kj3880]

Garry,
I know you'll do a great job on this, and I so wish I could hear you speak. If you ever record it, put it on XA Speaker website for us. have you ever been to the XA speaker website? There are some really good speakers recorded there. Might even be something on your topic if you look. I listen for inspiration when I'm needing help sometimes. I haven't spoken at a meeting like that yet. I know you use your usual thoughtful approach and will come prepared.
kj
PS: If anyone on here ever speaks at a big convention it would be cool for some of us to go and hear it, wouldn't it?

[Lily]

Retreat sounds like to me going away for a while. (I think of womens retreats I have been on) surrender to me means giving up, humbly knowing you are powerless. Perhaps with your hands raised like being arrested. I give up, I surrender. White flag.

You will do GREAT Garry! Sheila

[Gmoney]

Thanks everyone for your input. And I agree...the topic is 1st Step stuff, for sure. Dgillz pretty much went in the same direction I was considering, and Thundar touched on the "complete surrender" aspect I also considered.

No, KJ, I don't listen to speaker tapes anymore and I only have a couple of myself speaking. I don't even know where they are. When I spoke at a couple of conventions, they gave me a free copy. I hate listening to myself...my voice sounds so funny to me. Then, I'll get the "Barry White" comments from people (because my voice is so deep, I've been hearing that since a teenager!!). I also have a beef against the competition involved in submitting speaker tapes for speaking engagements in NA. Mind you...I understand the process and some of the reasons behind how/why speakers are selected...but I still don't like it, so I don't submit tapes or "apply" to speak. Some of our members really get carried away with the celebrity status that comes from being a "circuit speaker." Not my cup of tea.

Thanks again.

[2ala2]

I learned that surrender means that I cannot do it my way anymore. It just won't work no matter how hard I try. It was always starring me in the face but until then I could not see it. I was defeated, but I realized that this time I was not alone. I did not need to retreat in isolation drowning in my sorrows. For the first time I acknowledged my limitations and the war was over. It wasn't consuming me anymore. I could focus on other things. I could move forward. As they say: I surrendered to win.
I wish you well Garry.

[Paulie]

humbly knowing you are powerless.

Well said!!!!!!!!!!!

[kj3880]

It's funny. Speaking at meetings is not anything like speaking at work conventions, or maybe even at NA conventions (never got to go to one yet). I've heard some people, one man in particular, with so much speech-center brain damage from, he said, LSD, that he had touble forming sentences. They'd probably never use him at a convention, and he'd not make the circuit, but man, he had everyone in the place in tears and in a group hug at the end of his story. It's almost always good to hear somebody's story, I think a lot of people seem to tap into something within and speak from their heart. I get so much hope from something like that. Let us know how it goes, Garry.
kj

[Gmoney]

Hey Fam,

Just an update...sorry to leave you hanging.

It went very well and I basically told my story and tied in the topic because it fit (for me, the 1st step always will). I talked about how surrender didn't come easy for me and that each time I thought I had surrendered (before that last time), these instances were really examples of retreat because I'd always regroup and start the fight all over again. I had to be thoroughly beaten...and I was.

The Speaker Jam was an all-day event with members from all over the state speaking, so I only had a 30 minute slot, but that was just enough for me to share what I had. I got a chance to hear some newer members from out of town who were very inspirational and motivated.

I had a great time.

[Phinneas]

Awesome, Garry!