New to this site not new to addiction

[Biggury]

Hello all,
My name is Gary and I am 40 years old have been in 2 rehabs and in and out of NA for 20 years without being able to put more than 4 years together. I am now back on pain meds I am taking 300-400 mg of MS Contin along with 3-4 7.5/500mg percocets every day. I know that I will need to get off these but I am scared to go through withdraw again. I know it will not kill me but it still will suck. My wife does not know that I've been taking these meds for about a year now and she had told me before that I am on my last straw if I were to go back to my old ways. I have a 12 year old child and I also have major surgey thats coming up in about a month (gastric by-pass) so thats also weighing on my mind as to when to stop. I look forward to meeting some of you and I will wait to hear from you guys.

Gary P
Silver Spring MD

[Gmoney]

Welcome Gary,

As we share in the rooms of NA, "Fear is the lack of faith," so I'm sure that you realize that putting off getting clean isn't helping. If you've been around as long as you say, you also know that abstinence is the way to go, and for us addicts, any drug use is potentially deadly. As far as your surgery goes...let tomorrow handle itself. Try to get off the dope today. Have you considered F2F meetings? Whatever the case, keep coming and we'll be here to walk you through it.

Be blessed,
GarryW

[Biggury]

Thanks for your reply.....I used to go to meetings and then I faded away and look at me now..using again. I know what I need to do just dont know if I feel like going through it again. I dont know what the future holds for me but I know that I am afraid.

Gary P

[2ala2]

Hello Gary P,
Welcome to SR.
You seem to have a great deal to lose. You know it doesn't have to be that way. I agree with all that Garry W. has said.
Choose recovery, go to meetings, and be certain that Someone's looking out for you if you clean up.

[Thundar301]

Hey Gary , welcome to SR!!!! I agree with what has already been said here , get to meetings, work the steps and find the recovery you are longing for... it is out there if you are willing to do the footwork for it. 20 yrs is a long time to have to keep pulling arrows out of your behind, come on in Scout and leave the exploring life behind, there is a warm seat with your name on it! KEEP COMING BACK, Dean

[Gmoney]

Originally Posted by Biggury

...I used to go to meetings and then I faded away and look at me now..using again. I know what I need to do just dont know if I feel like going through it again. I dont know what the future holds for me but I know that I am afraid.

Gary P

Well....fear has a way of keeping us stuck in the mud...if we let it. I've found that recovery requires me to do some stuff I don't "feel" like doing. I mean, its just like anything else in life, I never felt like taking meds (like antibiotics) but I knew that I had to take them to get well. I hate going to the dentist, but I love having teeth. I think you get my point.

I believe we all have a choice each day - to either stay stuck in our familiar pain, or to step out on faith and do what we know is right...leaving the results to our HP. None of us really know what tomorrow will bring, but we have hope and faith. Trust me...a little bit of each goes a very long way.

It all starts with desire...how bad do you want to recover is the question you can ask yourself.

[navysteve]

Welcome Garry P.
Hope you get yourself back in the rooms. The fear is a phantom my friend, it has no power othe rthan what you give it. Keep us posted please

[REZ]

Welcome here. As others have said, I hope you find your way back into the rooms of NA.

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by REZ

Welcome here. As others have said, I hope you find your way back into the rooms of NA.

It took a lot of courage to just come here and post that. Now just take that next step - get to a meeting, sit in a chair and just listen.