JFT June 15th - Resistance To Change

[Gmoney]

Resistance to change

“Many of us cling to our fears, doubts, self-loathing, or hatred because there is a certain distorted security in familiar pain. It seems safer to embrace what we know than to let go of it for the unknown.”

Basic Text, p. 33

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We have often heard it said that “when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, we will change.” Our fear can keep us from growing, afraid to end relationships, change careers, attend new meetings, begin new friendships, or attempt anything out of the ordinary. We stay in situations that are no longer working far longer than we have to simply because what is familiar feels safer than the unknown.

Any change involves overcoming fear. “What if I’m alone forever?” we might think if we consider leaving our lover. “What if I find out I’m incompetent?” we may wonder when we contemplate changing careers. We may balk at attending new meetings because we will have to reach out. Our minds manufacture a hundred excuses for remaining right where we are, afraid to try something new.

We find that most of our pain comes not from change but from resistance to change. In NA, we learn that change is how we move forward in our lives. New friends, new relationships, new interests and challenges will replace the old. With these new things in our lives, we find new joys and loves.

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Just for today: I will release the old, embrace the new, and grow.



Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[Paulie]

“when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, we will change.”

That is one of the truest statements I have learned in recovery. And it has happened over and over again many times in the years I have been clean.

[kj3880]

This is my very favorite NA saying, "When the pain of remaining the same...etc" It applies to so many of us addicts. I stayed in a relationship for 2 years past it's expiry date because the pain of staying seemed like it would be less than leaving. It's only been about 2 and a half weeks and I do feel a little lonely for someone to share with at the end of the day, but I have been exploring other options for that: coming on here, talking w/my daughter, playing second life, late-night meetings when they have them. The pain of being alone is much less than being with a jealous, possesive, still-using addict. I hope that helps someone struggling with that decision that reads this.
The first thing everyone in my home group told me was that I wouldn't be able to stay in the relationship with an addict while in recovery. How right they were. I remember getting my 30-day tag and coming home and him yelling that I must have been out with another man, not at a meeting. He was only bitter and jealous of my recovery when I showed him my orange tag. I remember looking across the pillows at him that night while he slept. I could smell the stale alcohol funk on him as he slept and I knew I had to figure out how to end it soon. We weren't together when I got my green tag. Thank God.
kj

[Gmoney]

There are a number of different variations of that saying, KJ. In my area, they say, "When the pain gets greater than the pleasure, we'll do something different."

I can also relate to staying stuck in a dead-end relationship and being grossed-out at the smell of alcohol on their breath, hair, skin... When I couldn't take it anymore, I told them the truth and I stepped out on faith - believing that my HP would care for me. I'll admit, it wasn't always easy or comfortable "sitting with self" (as they say), but as I continued to share and listen to others who had gone through the same things I found that I could get through it just as they did - clean.

[Lily]

That would be hard for me what you have been thru....I get so frustrated talking w/ my sister by phone who is still using and she lives 2500 miles away.

I don't think I could do it long either (living w/ an addict still using). It is times like these (that actually used to irritate me) in my recovery that I am grateful my husband is a non-drinking, non-smoking Baptist. ;-)