Dealing with Anger and Fear of Change.

[Imagine]

Hey family, I messed coming here but I been off-line for a while. I relocated to Jacksonville, FL a year ago. It's not working out down here work wise. I'm just not making the money I need to live down here. Going to a new company is scarely for me. The company I'm at has the benefits I want, great medical Ins, all the vacation time and sick time I would ever need, good retirement, just the money could be better. I been at this company 6 years, I like it. I had to go on short trem disabilty for 90 days, got 70% of my reg. pay while I was out. That's paid by the company, we pay nothing for that Ins. It's a good place to work and I hate leveing it. I get my yearly raise next month and I'm going to ask for what I need to stay down here, but anoter part of my fear is standing up for my self. Nobody ever told me living this new live was going be easy. Thanks for letting me share.

[kj3880]

Thanks for sharing.

[Moontime]

HI! I tell ya I've been in your shoes. I sat down with my sponsor on a few different occasions to work through some of the defects by applying the opposite or spiritual qualities. I found that I had a fear of being assertive. I do not like the spotlight, nor do I feel like I deserve something better on any given day. I was reminded of how I am a leader in our local NA service structure and how I learned and work through the fear of being assertive. I was reminded about how being honest and truthful would never put me in a bad situation in recovery. So I was honest with my work and prayed for courage every morning until my meeting date. When I got in there I felt gods pressence, I was honest, I relied on spiritual principles and it felt like God took over me.

[Imagine]

God lets me know thru my sponsor just how far I've came after I stated appling the principles of the steps to my life. A newcomer reminds everytime one shares at a meeting, that the loser in me is just waiting to take back over. I know I'm going thru a growing spell, and I'm the one that's making it so painfull for me. Thanks moontime, hopfully one day my first response to anything will be "Let Go and Let GOD." I'm just not there yet.

[Gmoney]

Hi Imagine,

As I'm sure you already know, anger is our response to the present. It is our reaction to and/or denial of reality. We become angry when our present situation isn't as we want it to be and we're unable or unwilling to accept it. Fear is our response to the unknown. We become obsessed with thoughts of our wants or needs not being met. Instead of living in today, we project.

I know practicing acceptance, love and faith are sometimes easier said than done. And our feelings aren't always willing to cooperate, especially when they aren't based on facts. The true blessings here is that you are clean and have some awareness. Just hang on...ride it out...see what tomorrow brings. You may not be where you want to be today, but you're certainly where you need to be (clean & recovering).

I get my yearly raise next month and I'm going to ask for what I need to stay down here, but anoter part of my fear is standing up for my self.

Next month will be here before you know it. Cross the bridge when you get there. In the meantime, a gratitude list can't hurt.

[Imagine]

Ben Franklin said..."an idiol mind is the devil's playground." In my case my living condistion grows active, and fear of the unknown starts to take over. The only three things I have to keep that playground close, and my addiction in check is steps 1,2, & 3. God is opening another door, and only with the courage that he gives me will I go thru it. It's none of my concern what's on the other side, I will find out when I get there. My only concern is working my program daily, because when I don't I laps right back into idiolness. Just for today, I'm powerless over my addiction. Just for today, I going to believe in a power greater than myself and my addiction. Just for today, I'm turning my WILL and my LIFE over to the care of that power. Just for today, I'm not worring about the future. This does not mean I have it made with not a care in the world, it means I will work a daily program of recovery, that includes a graditude list. Also sharing more, talking more honestly with my sponsor. I have a very bad habit of just checking, saying everthings cool. Thats all I got, thanks for letting me share. I hope someone finds something they can use also. And thanks moontime, and garyw.