Powerlessness and Personal Responsibility

[Gmoney]

February 20

Powerlessness and personal responsibility

“Through our inability to accept personal responsibilities, we were actually creating our own problems.”
Basic Text, p. 13

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When we refuse to take responsibility for our lives, we give away all of our personal power. We need to remember that we are powerless over our addiction, not our personal behavior.

Many of us have misused the concept of powerlessness to avoid making decisions or to hold onto things we had outgrown. We have claimed powerlessness over our own actions. We have blamed others for our circumstances rather than taking positive action to change those circumstances. If we continue to avoid responsibility by claiming that we are “powerless,” we set ourselves up for the same despair and misery we experienced in our active addiction. The potential for spending our recovery years feeling like victims is very real.

Instead of living our lives by default, we can learn how to make responsible choices and take risks. We may make mistakes, but we can learn from these mistakes. A heightened awareness of ourselves and an increased willingness to accept personal responsibility gives us the freedom to change, to make choices, and to grow.

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Just for today: My feelings, actions, and choices are mine. I will accept responsibility for them.



Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[jimhere]

Hi Garry,
Here I go horning in on your thread, but I can identify with this. Ultimately I am responsible for my own spiritual growth, which includes taking responsibility for my life.

I don't know about N.A., but I hear it all the time in A.A. meetings-using alcoholism as an excuse for bad behavior. Using phrases like "progress and not perfection" as a cop-out and excuse to not take responsibility. A few years back, I held a service postion in our district. One night I went to the district meeting, was there a few minutes early. Every one else came rolling in twenty minutes late. When I asked the D.C.M. (District Committee Member) why everyone was so late, she replied "It's because we're alcoholics." To which I replied "I was on time, does that mean I'm not an alcoholic?"

You've probably heard the phrase lack of power is our dilemma. We are given power to manage our lives along certain lines all we wish. It's called proper use of the will. Marianne Williamson wrote a beautiful poem in which she says that most people are not afraid of their darkness, they fear the light. Because along with light comes power and responsibility. Power can be a dilemma too, if you don't know what to do with it. A former girlfriend of mine used to say "What are you gonna do with the power God gives you?" Most alcoholics and addicts are afraid of the responsibility that goes with power. They would rather remain powerless, afraid, irresponsible, and in the dark. Because there is a strange comfort in that safe misery, the dull ache of unconsciousness.
Jim

[Gmoney]

Thanks Jim,

I hear you, man. It really burns my ass when I hear people use their addiction as an excuse. The example you gave is a perfect one. The members were late because they were irresponsible, not because they're alcoholics. To say so would be to state that all alcoholics are irresponsible, which is a lie. Although I understand that recovery is about progress and not perfection - but where's the progress when they're making the same mistakes over and over again and using their disease as a scapegoat? It is a cop-out, especially when unwillingness, procrastination and apathy are the culprits (among others). An excuse is an excuse, yet some of us refuse to put our blamethrowers away.

My main reason for posting today's reading is because I too often hear people talking about powerlessness and erroneously equating it to helplessness and inability. And, yes, I'm fully aware that there are things we just cannot do and have ZERO control over, yet... we become "empowered" once we stop poisoning ourselves with a substance and begin to recover. As you said, we are given power...and I believe it comes through the 12 steps, abstinence, the fellowship and our HP. Using this power "properly" is the task we take on, and it is our responsibility to be responsible, accountable and mature, or else we stunt our growth. As we say in NA, either we grow up or we die.

I once had to speak at a workshop on the topic, "How we handle the blessings." I mentioned how we are always saying in meetings that our HP will only give us what we can handle - or - our HP will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. The key, for me, is that I have to do the best that I can (without making excuses). When I don't do my best, I shouldn't expect my HP to just come and do for me what I should've done for myself. The Serenity Prayer says it all: the things I cannot change are the things I'm powerless over. The things I can change are the things I'm responsible to and for. And through effort (and taking risks) I acquire the wisdom to know the difference. I handle my blessings by stepping up to the plate and practicing the spiritual principles in ALL MY AFFAIRS...otherwise, I block my blessings through my irresponsibility.

Powerlessness is a reality because there are people, places & things that I cannot control or manage. Instead of staying locked in addiction (fearful, resentful & angry: in the dark), I have to develop the courage to use the power I'm given and change the things that I can. I didn't get clean to stay stuck.

GarryW

PS - Oh yeah...we all know that misery loves company, eh?

[bugsworth]

Great post...and like Jim sorry to bust in...


Jim here is the poem of which you speak...powerful message.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Garry this is also key for me in my recovery and I thank you for putting it here...

The key, for me, is that I have to do the best that I can (without making excuses). When I don't do my best, I shouldn't expect my HP to just come and do for me what I should've done for myself.

Thank You

[2ala2]

Thank you all..
It's all about change here for me.
Either change the way I do things or be doomed.
Simple choice.

[Thundar301]

great reading in JFT, now Awesome thread on SR... thanks for the effort, Dean

[Paulie]

I have been to more NA meetings than I can even count over the years....probably at least a couple thousand!!! A few months ago I heard someone sharing about how they 'were incapable of taking personal responsibily' OMG I am sure I have heard that a few thousand times over the years but that night a few months ago it hit me like a brick. I was absolutley incapable of taking personal responsibility when I was using, and today when I am in my disease that is what I am doing, that is how my disease manifests itself in my life today......I stop taking responsiblity for things in my life, I start feeling quilty/bad about it....and my disease starts to smile.

Remaining open and teachable helps me stay clean one day at a time!!!

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by Paulie

A few months ago I heard someone sharing about how they 'were incapable of taking personal responsibily' OMG I am sure I have heard that a few thousand times over the years but that night a few months ago it hit me like a brick. I was absolutley incapable of taking personal responsibility when I was using, and today when I am in my disease that is what I am doing, that is how my disease manifests itself in my life today......I stop taking responsiblity for things in my life, I start feeling quilty/bad about it....and my disease starts to smile.

I totally get that, Paulie.


Great thread!