i fell in love with the addict who drained my bank account

[shutterbug]

yes...as bad as that sounds.

I met him while we were both in the mental hospital (we are both suicidally depressed, both bipolar II).
He asked me out.
He matches me in a hundred ways that he doesn't even know about. And while i can see most of his cons clearly...i can also see him fighting against his own old ways and i truely believe he doesn't want to be an addict or a con-man anymore. Many years ago i was with a couple different guys who were in the heights of their addictions and they each had something about them that said they'd completely given into the addictions...they had no desire to fight against it and i quickly dismissed them from my life and started working on my co-dependency issues....i saw the total opposite in him, but without him having to say a word. I could "feel" an inner struggle going on inside him.

There is no way i can believe parts of him weren't real.
I've never had a guy dote over me so much. He was so adoring. To him i was like princess ...he was always making sure i was wearing a coat and scarf just to go outside to smoke...he cleaned out my cat's litter box so i woudn't have to...he took the trash out for me b/c he didn't want me to have to carry it or anything else heavy...

His favorite thing to do was to walk up behind me and wrap his arms completely around me and hold me as close to him as possible. The kind of flirtatious banter we constantly had between us was that rare kind that you hardly ever see in other couples...ever...and that i NEVER thought i would ever find in anyone.

He took my breath away with a simple smile.

Now the bad side:

i hadn't realized he was an addict when i gave him my debit card for a cab ride to go get his car back from his friend our first night together.
He drained my account of my paycheck in a day.
I called the police.
They came over and filled out a report.
They had stopped him and his friend in my neighborhood that night and had taken down all their id information....so the police report was complete with his address and social security number and everything. The cops said they knew him as a local crankster and backed up the story he had given me about him being a disabled veteran (on complete disability b/c of his bipolar diagnosis).

I've been undergoing ECT treatments for my depression so that's why i was in the hospital and why i'm on short-term medical leave from my own career. The problem with the ECT treatments is that it affects my short-term memory and has left my reasoning skills seriously lacking (hence why i basically gave my debit card and then pin number to a guy i'd only known a week).

There are a lot of things i'm confused about, but mainly.....mainly....i'm hurting b/c deep down i believe i have chased away someone SO much like myself that we seem like soul mates from moment one....that i have chased him away right when i have the ability to just be still and let him simply show me if he is plain and simply a drugged-up con-artist....or a man so on the verge of becoming someone straight, strong and so very special.

Inpatient is what i am....severly impatient and paranoid (rightly paranoid tho).
Confused
Scared
Hurt
Afraid of missing out on something that could actually be more real that most people ever even get a taste of....all because i can't just sit still and give him the chance of a few days to pay back the money he stole from me? All because i won't even give him a chance to make anything right?

Aren't we all human and all mistake makers?
I myself have a growing gambling addiction i am fighting!

I showed him this site the other day and showed him my journal in the mental health forum (my home here) and his first question was to ask if there was an NA forum/ 12-step area on here too?

We found this forum and he wanted to look at the Step-2 threads.

To me....i was impressed that he knew what NA was and that he was showing interest in it. Only now did it just dawn on me that he may have been interested in the Step-2 threads because HE himself is working the steps and is currently working Step-2 or about to be.

He told me he loved me....that was before he drained my account.
We hashed over that action for several days and then he came and stayed with me for 2 days. DURING those 2 days, i asked him if he loved me and he said,"If I said 'yes' you wouldn't believe me so I'm not answering that question."

He was right....kind of...b/c i knew i was falling in love with him and also b/c i was struggling with understanding who anyone could steal everything from someong they cared about...(but i also know how strong addiction is and do believe that he could love me and be a struggling addit on the verge of getting straight....all in the same breath....that i know).

Do you all think i'm totally in denial and completely in 100 PERCENT "codie mode"?

[hairgirl]

All I know is an addict will go to great lengths to get their fix.They may be a wonderful person, but the addiction overrules everything in their lives.Be Very Aware!

[Alera]

Originally Posted by shutterbug

He told me he loved me....that was before he drained my account.
We hashed over that action for several days and then he came and stayed with me for 2 days. DURING those 2 days, i asked him if he loved me and he said,"If I said 'yes' you wouldn't believe me so I'm not answering that question."

He was right....kind of...b/c i knew i was falling in love with him and also b/c i was struggling with understanding who anyone could steal everything from someong they cared about...(but i also know how strong addiction is and do believe that he could love me and be a struggling addit on the verge of getting straight....all in the same breath....that i know).

Do you all think i'm totally in denial and completely in 100 PERCENT "codie mode"?

That is for you to decide. I recommend you take a look at this link here though, it may help you answer your questions.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ddicts-do.html (What Addicts Do)

[shutterbug]

that helps a lot Alera....really....thanks 100 times over...i needed to hear/read that from a source outside of my own head to make me believe it.

my life was getting so wonderful before i met him and he has destroyed me in just 2 weeks time to a point of where for the first time i am going to actually have to take myself to the hospital this evening because of being TRUELY suicidal and having a plan that i'm struggling to actually keep myself from going through with.

yes...i was a tool.
yes...he is a sociopath.
yes...i want to die.
no....i can not let him win.

[Alera]

You are welcome Shutterbug. I am sorry you are suicidal but proud of yourself that you are going to the hospital instead of hurting yourself.

[Phinneas]

Hi, Shutterbug. I am sorry you are in this situation. Please do post in the Family & Friends of Substance Abusers here on SR. They have experience all that you have experienced and more - and can offer support and information to help you.

[sugarssweetpea]

Hey Jenna,
I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. I will keep you in my prayers. I as well am proud of you for getting yourself to the hospital instead of hurting yourself. Please try not to be too hard on yourself. We have all been there. All trusted people we should not have. All had people play with our feelings. Love ya Jenna.

[splendra]

Originally Posted by shutterbug

Do you all think i'm totally in denial and completely in 100 PERCENT "codie mode"?

To answer your question....Yes.

[Phinneas]

And, to clarify (in my way of thinking, not to speak for Splendra) - there are definitely some big codie flags in your post, which is why posting in FFSA can help YOU. Yes, what he did was rotten, but it is what it is and there are ways you can take care of yourself now and into the future to not get caught up in our addict behavior. Does that make sense?

Hang in there Jenna, we're all on your side.

[SaTiT]

Hi Bug

I'm glad your still around. I know you been struggling
with gambling addiction for some times.

yeah..right up my alley..i loved an addict that
drain my bank account too. ..it's an under statement.
More like..she sucked the life forced out of me.

Please don't give up.
Addiction is but a symtoms of our deeper problems...so they said.
Maybe so...maybe so.
Hitting bottom is hard.

You're in denial mode all the way around and to the core.
Your addiction has to delt with.
and maybe..i don't know..some people say soul serching.
some peaple say take a personal inventory.
Some people say..you can't live under your own skin.

I don't know if I'm a codi, alki, addict, acoc..or just a total nut job.
I tried suicide already. Life on life's term is a bitch for me...

I hope you find true love someday. Being alone in a Casino full
with thousands and thousands of people is a lonely place to be.
I'm been there. It was just another way of me numbing myself
out and running.

Look on the bright side...it took me 10 years to get to a piont.
Two weeks...you're a lot smarter than me.

[Pete The Addict]

sorry you have been screwed over like this, learn from your mistakes and move on. If you are in early recovery, you shouldnt be dating anyways. Most peeps reccomend a year before you try dating again.