the way you look at the drug

[Paulie]

Well, I didnt have to convince myself of anything...the drug was not working for me any longer. I was not enjoying myself and it brought me nothing but pain.

Now and then today my disease tries to tell me that it would be fun again, like I could get high like I did in the beginning. But I have been blessed enough to at least for today, to remind myself of the pain.

If you believe in a higher power of any kind, take that belief, that faith and pray for your friend, that is really all you can do for him. A person has to make the choice for themselves and they have to do the work to stay clean for themselves.

[Gmoney]

As it says in the NA Basic Text, chapter "Who's An Addict?", "Most of us do not have to think twice about this question, WE KNOW!"

And as Paulie asserted, by the time we enter into recovery it really isn't about convincing ourselves one way or another. The evidence of the destruction our addiction has caused is overwhelming. Sure, there will be lingering memories of when using was fun, but in order to recover we have to smash the myth about using successfully - whether it be DOC or a substitution.

You can never judge with 100% accuracy the desire of another. How serious they are about recovery will be demonstrated in their actions, not so much their words. IMHO, forced abstinence rarely works...yet I have met those who have been incarcerated and stayed clean upon release. I noticed you've posed several questions previously about your friend and I can understand your concern, but recovery is for those who want it - not those we want to have it. As suggested, if you have an HP...pray for them. Otherwise your focus ought to be your own recovery.

[REZ]

For myself, I had lots of evidence about how bad the drugs were for me that I chose to ignore for years. Once my denial started to breakdown, I could see the evidence everywhere. The straw that broke the camel's back for me tried to control my using and realized that I couldn't. I start to feel very ashamed about this and realized that things would never get better unless I did something. I had this idea that one day I would be able to use in moderation (when I was older, more mature, when I'd gone through my drug phase). I realized that day would never happen unless I started making some real changes. I became willing to change. That was the key.

I really have no idea when anyone else is ready to change. My strongest evidence is what I see them doing: someone appears to be ready if they they follow all the suggestions not just pick and choose among them. Someone who holds on to some of their olds ways (e.g. old playmates, old playgrounds, etc.) probably doesn't have the willingness that is needed to recover and will probably relapse unless they let go of those old ways.