I am new to NA and have some confusion

[newsandi]

I just got home from my second NA meeting, 17 days clean. Our meeting begins with different memebers reading the sections out of the book, including the 12 steps. The meeting consists of alot of people so it breaks up into smaller groups and it is then where you can share different stories about whatever. I hear them and you guys talk about "working the steps", getting a sponsor but how do you work the steps if you have no clue what to do. Is that where the sponsor comes in. I dont have a sponsor and I am to afraid, right now, maybe once I get more confortable, to help with the step work? Or is there a different meeting I need to look into that solely does the 12 steps. I am interested in working this program to the fullest but dont understand it. I dont know if our meeting is common but I think it must be with the number of people there and people that have been clean for 20 -25 years that come regularly. The people are so warm and embraced me when I did stand up my first day and tell them its my first day there, had people waiting in line to hug me. But I haven't spoke since then. I would of thought that since they know I am new, they would approach me and explain these things to me. But I know its pretty overwhelming to remember to think of everyone, like I said its a really big meeting. Any feedback would be appreciated.

[cookconfay]

While others should be ready and willing to help...you have to "ask" for the help....

Going through the steps will help you stay clean. Sponsors are there to talk to and also to guide and direct you when going through the steps...to help you do it. Find someone you can relate to....someone who has some substantial clean time and is actually "working the program". Someone who HAS a sponsor, someone who has been through the steps.....

Just my opinion......also, there may be specific "step study" meetings.... if there's a meeting where they ask if anyone has a topic...jump in there and say...
"I am confused by the steps" or...."sponsors".....then you will get a chance to hear several different views and takes on sponsors or the steps.....

[Gmoney]

Hi Newsandi!! Welcome!!

Congrats on your clean time. Cookconfay gave you some very good feedback. I'd like to add my two cents, if you don't mind...

I hear them and you guys talk about "working the steps", getting a sponsor but how do you work the steps if you have no clue what to do. Is that where the sponsor comes in.

The 12 steps are used as a program of recovery in NA and the way they are 'worked' is by practicing the principles contained in them. Through practice, the steps become second nature to us and we "live the program" without much thought. Yet, we don't recover overnight, so take it easy and don't get yourself overwhelmed because it really is simple. I'd suggest that you start by attending as many meetings as you can and listen closely to the members who share. By listening, you'll be able to see for yourself who is or isn't 'sponsor material' for you. I'd also suggest that you get yourself a Basic Text and pick up the IP (informational pamphlet) called "Sponsorship." It describes what a sponsor is, what to look for and what to expect from a sponsor. And yes...a sponsor is your guide through the 12 steps.

I dont have a sponsor and I am to afraid, right now, maybe once I get more confortable, to help with the step work? Or is there a different meeting I need to look into that solely does the 12 steps.

I'm not sure how big your area is, or how many meetings are available to you, but another valuable tool you can add to your recovery arsenal is a meeting list. Most meeting lists tell you which meetings do what - for example, there may be a meeting specifically for discussion, and another for step study, or another that focuses on Traditions. Do yourself a favor and bounce around. This way you'll get a better feel for what's more comfortable for you and you'll get to expand your options for getting a sponsor.

But I haven't spoke since then. I would of thought that since they know I am new, they would approach me and explain these things to me. But I know its pretty overwhelming to remember to think of everyone, like I said its a really big meeting.

There's a saying, "A closed mouth can't be fed!" I know you may be a little bashful right now...and that's okay. Yet, people can't read your mind or know you're interested in receiving help unless you ask for it. Saying something simple like, "I'm new here and I'm interested in getting a sponsor," may be all it takes to get the ball rolling. If you hear someone share something you can relate to, stop them after the meeting and ask for their phone number. 9 times out of 10, they'll be more than willing to assist.

Remember...just for today, you never have to use again. Keep coming back and best wishes.

GarryW

[SaTiT]

yes, a sponsor is a giude. You don't clean their house for them.
You don't give them money..etc.

I bascailly had to shop around for one. Generally someone with years
and years of recovery under thier belt.
At first i just got a temp sponsor becuase my sponsor didn't know
how seriouse i was about recovery but he was willing to keep
the door open.

He bascailly told me to laid off of th steps for a while and just take
it easy...just do the 90 in 90. Because I mind was still in a fog so
a lot of that stuff wasn't going to make sence, plus I'll over think it.
He however made me call him everyday, buy books and notpads.
I wasn't working at the time, but I had to get up everyday and
just show up at his office..bascailly i had to get my ass out of bed
everyday. He also asked me to make a gradtitude list and keep a
journal. And he told me to give people rides to meetings and stuff like
that, becuase service work is a very important part of his recovery,
so he passed that on to me from the very start.

plus alot of old timers where looking out for me. Bascailly my gradsponsor
came to find out. He's not adbrasive but he'll tell me like it is.
bascailly he was an older gentalman..or bassilly a grandfather i never had.
Both of my gradfather passed before i was born or I was still a baby.

I was shy or had alot of trust issues and i was also young.
The elders seem to have more tolerance and patient with me.
Bascailly they listen to me whine a lot. I know where he lives.lol
Sometimes I'll just show up at his door when i had a bad, bad day or experince.
My sponsor favorite saying to me..." have you had enough yet ?".lol

[escott44]

Hello, welcome, congrats on your 17 days, that's truly a miracle. Before you pick someone as a sponsor to help guide you through this program, i suggest that you read the IP called "Sponsorship" it will help you tremendously...... Remember, whatever you do, don't pick up!! no matter what, the longer you keep coming, the more information will be reveled to you.... good luck on your journey towards recovery.

[newsandi]

I will now know what to do when I go to the meetings. I do have list a different meetings everyday of the week and I think I will go to some other ones on a different nite. I just love the beginning of those meetings when people get their key rings and I just get excited for them. I will pick up the litature that you guys suggested and go from there. If you are a woman do you have to get a woman sponsor. There was a few guys that really sounded like where I was and am back in the day and they have multiple years of sobriety. Thanks for all your info and I will keep you guys updated on my success.

[Paulie]

If you are a woman do you have to get a woman sponsor.

Yeah that is what is definately recommened. Reading the literature will help you understand that too. I know it is scary, but when you ask someone to sponsor you, you are helping that person stay clean for that day too. That has helped me in the past.

Congrats to you on making the choice to get clean!!!

[REZ]

Welcome. Keep going to meetings. All of this will start to make sense as your mind clears up and you start to grasp what people are saying. Congrats on your clean time so far.

[hairgirl]

you most definately should have a female sponsor.Do not get discouraged if you don't connect with one right away.It took me some time to find one that was truly commited.Some will say they would love to,but don't come through.One of the most important things to remember is NA is just like real life, there are some people who don't take it as seriously as others, and that is the way life is, but YOU are there to recover, and with effort and time, you will develop a network of people who are assets to your program.
Also, once you have a sponsor, there is a twelve step workbook available for purchase at most meetings.If you like to write, it is very helpful.