A power greater than myself

[Doug]

Without even knowing, I had a higher power, for years. The Drugs.

I would drive an hour or more, one way, at any time of day or night to score.

I would meet the drug man anywhere, and wait as long as I needed to at the prospect of- "any minute he'll show up with my stuff."

I didn't have money for food, or a place to live. But I always had money for drugs.

I would lie, cheat, steal from strangers, friends, family; anybody who I could, to get my drug money.

I blamed all my problems on everybody and everything other than drugs, so I could keep using.

No matter how many times I told myself, "today I'm gonna quit", the next day I'd be using again.

I'd take a trip to the ER once a week, for some sort of physical trouble, due to the constant drug use. I aged my body years ahead of myself, but quitting wasn't an option.

Before I actually ran out of my drugs, I'd get panicked and get more. I'd use some other drug to counter-act the WD's of coming off another.

I gave away everybody, and everything in my life to keep using. The only constant was the drugs, and the abuse of them.

If that's not a power greater than myself, I don't know what is.

Then when I started going to meetings, I scoffed at the idea of a "power greater than myself".

Funny how the addict mind works. How denial becomes so much a part of what we do. How defiant we can be, how rebellious.

And it's monumental, how much we can change, for the better, when we let go of the false pride, open our minds, and listen to others who have been there. (again, a power greater than us. Those who have been there)

Yeah, I spent 20+ years following a power greater than myself, and I'm grateful I learned how to fire the old one, and hire a new one. Which BTW, I've fired and hired a couple of them over the years.

A higher power. It's not as difficult as we make it.

[Gmoney]

Well said.

[Paulie]

It is amazing how our stories are the same.

And it's monumental, how much we can change, for the better, when we let go of the false pride, open our minds, and listen to others who have been there. (again, a power greater than us. Those who have been there)

Great words!

[mackie]

EXCELLENT POST, DOUG! Thanks for the ESH!

[REZ]

Thanks for the post. I was just thinking this morning how when I was using the drugs were my higher power. I turned my will and life over to the power of drugs many times, with disastrous results. Now, I have a different higher power. One that is caring, loving, and understanding. I turn my life and will over to this power on a daily basis, and get good results.

[Paulie]

I remember hearing in a meeting someone saying that they had told their sponsor that their idea of an HP after they got sober was 'all loving, caring and forgiving'. His sponsor told him that he is not forgiving because he doesnt have to be because he never condemned us.

I loved hearing that.

[TONYTEXAS]

Thanks it brought me back for sure

[Doug]

Originally Posted by Paulie

I remember hearing in a meeting someone saying that they had told their sponsor that their idea of an HP after they got sober was 'all loving, caring and forgiving'. His sponsor told him that he is not forgiving because he doesnt have to be because he never condemned us.

I loved hearing that.

Interesting. Thanks Paulie.

One of the points I wanted to convey was not the importance of what/who an HP is, but rather just that we can adopt one we can relate to.

20+ years my "HP" was drugs/alcohol. That's what direct my life, actions, thoughts, feelings. Thats what had control over me.

Struck me as funny then when I started meetings how reluctant I was to "rely" on an HP, until the day someone told me it could be whatever I wanted it to be. And for about 3 years, it was actually an ashtray, on the table at the meeting I liked best. It did the job, allowed me the space to grow into the idea, and got me from "A to B" as I grew.

It comes when it comes. And it can be anything, though it'd be best if we switched from the drugs to something, anything, else.

[Gmoney]

As many of you may know, I'm a NA member. And, for me, the breakthrough came when I read the literature and heard others share about their understanding of a Higher Power. NA tells us that our "concept" or understanding of a Higher Power is totally up to us, "with no catches." It goes on to say that the only "suggested guidelines" is that this Power be loving, caring and Greater than myself. The literature even talks about how we can choose to call our HP God, the program or the group (i.e., the fellowship). I don't know about anybody else, but on many days the love, care and guidance I receive comes from any of the three choices or all three at once!!