Welcoming the Newcomer

[Doug]

So you're at one of your regular meetings, and you see a new face. Do you walk up and say hello, or slide by and go find your usual group?

Be honest....

[laurenlanai25]

when i get to a meeting i make it a point to walk around and shake everyones hands!
thats what we do here in ohio!!

[Gmoney]

Actually, I'm not that forward - just because I've never seen them before doesn't automatically mean they're a newcomer. Yet, during the part of the meeting when the secretary asks are there any newcomers or visitors...(if they are) that's when I'll make my move to welcome them with a hug and introduce myself. Then, I'll make it a point to get a meeting list passed around so everyone can put their phone number on it, to give to the newcomer.

My area is pretty big, and I've been clean almost 9 years and still don't know everybody! I also have to keep in mind that not everyone is open to being approached in a meeting, nor is every new face in a meeting an addict seeking help.

[best]

I need to make a conscientious effort to do so. I need remind myself or be reminded.
Tunnel vision as you start doing service work makes the focus head off in the wrong direction from time to time.

Rushing to make the coffee vs... slowing down to shake a hand and then go make the coffee. Slowing down is the better choice I think.

Just like they saying...
You can be so heavenly bound that you become no earthly good.
Need to keep the focus points in order.
Coffee can wait a minute and if the handshake becomes a talk session... bring the newcomer with you and show them how the coffee is made as you talk *LOL*
You now have a newcomer that knows how to make the coffee as well.

[Doug]

They might not be open to it, and they might be scared shytless, and have no idea how to break the ice....

I suppose a person (anyone) could ask them if they're new, and that would clear up whether or not they are, which in turn would indicate whether or not they deserve a welcome....

[Gmoney]

Originally Posted by Doug

They might not be open to it, and they might be scared shytless, and have no idea how to break the ice....

I suppose a person (anyone) could ask them if they're new, and that would clear up whether or not they are, which in turn would indicate whether or not they deserve a welcome....

Wow. Maybe I'm wrong...but a question was asked, I answered it, and now it seems like my answer is being criticized. Was the question asked to belittle those who don't act according to someone else's idea of how things SHOULD go? Gimmie a break.

You said they might be scared and have no idea how to break the ice? I agree that MAY be the case for some, but for others they MAY be desperate enough to reach out for help instead of sitting back waiting for it to be offered. I know I followed the suggestion of letting the group know I was new and asking for a sponsor. Then there MAY be those who don't know whether they have a problem or not and just want to be left alone to check out what's going on.

I suppose ANYONE could do whatever they're pleased to do because carrying the message has no singular format. The 12 Step tells us to make ourselves available, "...as His tool to share recovery with those who seek it. Most of us learn that we can only carry our message to someone who is asking for help...We make ourselves available to these people, so when they ask, someone will be there."

Everyone "deserves" a welcome, newcomer and oldtimer, alike. I suppose that's why many groups assign a "greeter" at their doors. I know my group does. And, as I already mentioned:

...during the part of the meeting when the secretary asks are there any newcomers or visitors...(if they are) that's when I'll make my move to welcome them with a hug and introduce myself.

So...they are asked if they are new and given the opportunity to "clear it up," ...if they choose to. They're provided a "segway" to break the ice...if they choose to.

One thing I know for sure...how each of us ensures that the newcomer is the most important person at any meeting, AND, how we develop our own personal style for carrying the message rests on a single requirement - that we be ourselves.

What works for some MAY NOT work for others...nor does it have to. For me...another suggestion I was given early on is important: Come to the meeting early and stay late. We can do all the hand shaking, hugging and introductions before or after the meeting. But during the meeting an atmosphere of recovery is most important.

[REZ]

I often say hello. It depends whether someone else is talking to the new person or not. It also depends on how long they hang around and whether the new person is a woman (I am a man). If the new person is a woman, I usually stay back and hope that some women in our group will talk to the new person. So, I am most likely to say hello to a newcomer who is the same sex, hangs around after the meeting, and seems to have no one to talk to.

[SaTiT]

it depends. Some people might mistaken me doing the 13th backwards or
something. Most newbies, newbies are shy or don't say much to begin with.
So i can only relate to how I was, when i got clean and sober.
Bascially i didn't wanna hear it

So it's bascially better if i just listen. Most of us held a lot inside
and often we just need someone to listen. Not so much asking
for advice or confessing. Just someone to listen so we don't feel
crazy for talking to ourselves or the wall.lol
That's why the shrinks make the big bucks. Since i can't aford one,
I'll have to a find a victim for a sponsor.lol i love my sponsors.

that's how it usually happens, most newbies will approch me and
make small talk. i just hang out alone sometimes or clean the meeting
room not with a crowld of people. I guess it easier to approch someone
that's not in a crowl of people and intruduce yourself or reach out.

Well..it wasn't like I stood up and dance on the table and asked for
help when i was a newbie.

Then there's the other types of newbies, newbies that has all the answers
already. I'll have to run like hell to get away from those newbies.lol

[Doug]

Thanks for taking the time to replay all.

[Alera]

I waited until it is time to welcome newcomers. I then verbally welcomed each newcomer and smiled around the room letting those people scared in the corners know that "we" don't bite if they admit they are new to the rooms.

[Peter]

I try never to let a new face go ignored, whether visitor or newcomer.

I try not to be overbearing in my approach. A simple smile and a handshake or hug along with a few brochures.

Leave them with the power to initiate further conversation if they so desire. Newcomers do not need to be badgered about sponsorship or Step talk.

[Time2Surrender]

Monday we had 6 newcomers at the meeting. I try and welcome new faces. Take the time to walk up and introduce myself. Something I had to work on. One thing that helps, is I still remember being the newcomer myself. Standing there all alone while everyone else was chatting like they had known each other all their lives, I would be contemplating if I even wanted to stick around. Thank God I did.

[Moontime]

I make it a point to talk to anyone who looks unfamiliar whether they are new or maybe just visiting from another area. I remember what it was like my first meeting and I didn't a soul.