How do I make it last this time ?

[Blood500]

ey, my names Ryan im 19 and been using Herion my DOC sence I was 16. I been on here before, went to rehab, been in a outpationt thing for while and still am. My ? is what can I do to keep myself feeling like I do right now, wanting to be clean, to change my life, and deal with things I put aside for so long when I'm using? I get this feeling sometimes and it seems to soon pass for one reason or another. I know that I like my self alot more when im sober, working, goin to school, just doing the right stuff but that stuff takes time to get or do and its so much easier to just go get high and worry about it all 2morrow. I am almost pass all the withdraw, and I just took the last of my soboxen. I dont want to be clean from everything, forever, I just want to be normal agian, to smoke some weed here and there and drink once in awhile with my friends and party like you should when your 19, but not take it as far as i have where i just want to be high 24/7. I think someone will say I have to change everything but I dont want to I just want to be able to brake free of the hold H. has on me right now and I feel like **** just thinkin about the things i've done to people just to get high. And the only people i have to talk to is this girl and my bestfriend thats kinda goin thru the same thing right now, and i have a feeling that its goin to be with a friend that I use next. I want to be clean but I am not goin to kid myself and say I dont like to get high, I just cant take what it dose to my life, I have stoped maturing (s?) sence I was basiclly 16, and im not where i feel i should be right now in my life because " I just want to get high". By the way i've only used once in the last 5 days and for me thats great, but i feel like this is just a break in my use and im really scared this is all goin to pass agian and by this time next week ill be using everyday agian.

Ryan

[Doug]

Tough question Ryan. How to feel normal and continue to smoke weed? As an addict myself, theres no way I can answer that. You might start by asking yourself if you have a problem, and then commiting to one course of action or another.