Not sober yet, but kinda want to be. I have acouple questions

[__John__]

Well lemme start off just by saying i just found this site, i read acouple of threads and decided to join. Just so you guys know were i'm coming from and everything i'll be 18 in march and i've been taking vicodin for about 2 years now but, my mother and sister never knew about it untell these last couple of months. Well they aren't for sure yet cause i haven't came out and told em straight up and they haven't caught me but, pills keep coming up missing and i'm the only one who could of took em so they both have a very strong feeling im taking em to get high. I started taking them for pain after i wrecked on my dirtbike and broke my back then after awhile i took alittle bit more than normal and i liked how it made me feel. I mean i really do wish i never started taking them in the first place cause when i don't have or cant get any i'm a dick to my family and i feel SO drained 24/7 until i get some and i want to come out and tell them i have a problem but then on the other hand if i do that then i'm not gunna be able to get any of them again until i move out or something and i really want to stop on one hand but then i really dont want to stop on the other cause they make me feel so good n everything. It kills me that i have to keep this a secret and lie to my family and steal from them but i just dont know what to do now. So my question is what do u guys think i should do? Well any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Time2Surrender]

Welcome to SoberRecovery. Drugs made us all feel good. Thats why we did them. But the consequences and end results made it where is was no longer worth it for me. Im a good bit older than you and wasted many years. I would hate to see you do the same. Pain killers are bad news. Drugs NEVER have a happy ending. The end result is always the same. Jails, institutions and death. I would suggest hanging around here and read some more posts and decide if your done. If you are, try some NA meetings. Worked for me and thousands before me.

[REZ]

It's good that you are admitting that you have a problem. That's the first step. You can take another step by checking out some NA meetings. You will find a lot of support and hope there.

[__John__]

Yea i know that drugs never do anything for u in the long run but hurt u even more then when u started but i'm stuck right now at this point in my life cause i don't have my license, don't have a vehicle yet, i'v already finished school, i'm just waiting until june so i can walk with my class, and i don't have a job yet cause of how far we live outta town and i can't get a ride to work everyday. I already know i need to get a job and start my life but theres no one i know that i can work with except one of my buddies but we aren't aloud to be around each other cause we both got caught messing a house up and now we're on probation and that's who i worked with before we got caught so right now i really don't wanna quit cause i don't really have anything to keep me busy so i figure hey why not i mean i enjoy life when i'm on em so why would i ever wanna stop until i start getting my life started and can do something else to take the pills place. I mean i wanna quit right now but then i don't, u know what i mean. As for NA meetings i don't want to sit n talk about my addiction so i don't really want to go and even if i did i wouldn't have money to pay for the classes and wouldn't have a ride there. I wish i had something that i enjoyed more that wasn't a drug to take its place.

[Time2Surrender]

Thats cool. NA meetings are not sitting talking about your addiction. They are about the solution. Its a program of recovery. If I did nothing but sit around with a bunch of addicts doing nothing but talking about dope and my addiction, I would be doing dope. So, do you still ride?

[Gmoney]

Hi John, Welcome!!

Sounds to me like you've got a clue about the dangers of addiction, but you're still rationalizing and justifying your use. Been there...done that. It also seems to me like you've only suffered some minor consequences and see your drug use as something to do until something better comes along.

I mean, your family suspecting you're stealing their pills and the fear of what they'll say or do if you come clean. Ahhh...I guess that's not so bad, eh? What about the dirtbike accident? Were you under the influence when that happened? You also mentioned "messing up" a house and being on probation. Hmmm...that sounds like some involvement with the criminal justice system to me. But I guess to you that's not so bad either, eh? What's gonna happen when the pills aren't around to steal? I mean, sooner or later the family's suspicions will lead to some sort of intervention. And since you say you don't really want to stop "right now" the next step would be trying to cop on the streets or substitution. A hit, pill, drink or fix...it doesn't matter...as long as you can escape. But I guess that won't happen to you.

The point I'm trying to make is that every addict that ended up in jails, institutions or dead, started out very similar to where you are now. We ALL thought the horrors of drug addiction wouldn't happen to us. We denied the reality of our addiction and only focused on how "fun" it was in the beginning. We justified that "feeling good" was what it was all about, but the truth was we didn't want to feel at all.

Although there are many, many young people your age who have found recovery and are living drug free through the program of NA, its a sad reality that youth can very often hinder addicts from seeking help because they believe they're invulnerable. They can't see how addiction is progressive. It is our experience that recovery only becomes possible for those who have admitted complete defeat and reached a point of desperation.

I truly hope that you'll take an honest look at your life and decide whether you're ready to receive the help available for you. No one can make that call for you. If you hear over and over the suggestion of meeting attendance...there's good reason- it works!!

keep coming back.

[REZ]

You don't have to talk at NA meetings. They don't cost any money. Very often, people will give you rides to meetings.

[Gmoney]

There's also a misconception about NA meetings: People think all we do is sit around and belly-ache about what drugs did to us....you know, the war stories and all. It's not realy like that. We share with one another how we've found solutions to our living problems and how great life is without using. Fellowshipping in NA is cool too! We have all kinds of functions - dances, cookouts, trips, fish fry's, etc.. And yes, there seems to always be someone willing to provide a ride to and from the meeting. Come on in and give it a try. It may be the best decision you've ever made!

It was for me.

[SLGibson]

Hi welcome to SR,
I am your same age and i know exactly how you feel, you don't have anything better to do so why not? well i did not realize that i was hooked on pills until my family had an intervention and i was so ****** up on pills i didnt remember it the next day. I finally reached a point of complete helplessness i lost all my freinds and was rapidly losing my family. I was sent to an inpaient rehab where it was bad. My advice to you is quit while you still have your life intact dont wait for something else to make you quit. quit while you are in control not someone else. stick around this website has saved me many times.