mom looking for advice with addcit son

[starbelly]

I am new to this message board, and pretty new to Alanon, but not new at all to the problems and pain of drug addiction. I have alcoholism in all sides of my family, and in the biological father of my children’s family.

My son has been struggling with addiction to pot (which I didn’t even know could be addicting), alcohol, and psychedelics for years. Last year, when he was still a minor, he dropped out of school, moved out and ended up in a mental hospital for depression after a 6 week mushroom and lsd binge. We took him back home and forced him into recovery. I have health insurance, but it doesn’t cover CD or recovery, so we went to NA instead. He has clean for 4 months and it was wonderful. He went to NA but didn’t work the program; he still said that he would go back to smoking pot. He turned 18 in October, starting smoking pot again in November and moved out in December. I told him that he couldn’t come back home after he went on another drug binge. Since he moved out he lost his apartment, owes everyone money, hasn’t have a job, has sold his plasma 6 times, lost all his clothes and belongings, been arrested for drug related stuff, spent 5 days in jail, and looks and SMELLS like a bum.

I realized that I was so insane and depressed a month ago that I started to go to counseling and alanon. In alonon I started to feel a peace and hope that I haven’t had in so long. I am going to keep going.

Yesterday I was reading the boards and I realized for the first time that my son is truly an addict. Ironicaly, last night he showed up on our doorstep in tears-saying that he was wrong and can’t do it on his own, that he needs help. He has never admitted that he has a problem, and has never asked for help before. I know that alanon is about me and not my addict son, but I need to make some decisions and take action. Is it always co-dependency to help out? For people with expereince dealing with addiction personaly, what advice would you give your concerned mother? He is young and I believe that he needs a helping hand, but I want to help him not disable him.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[REZ]

It sounds like he may have suffered enough to finally get the message that he has a problem with drugs. It also sounds like he found the answer to his problem a while ago when he was going to NA meetings. But he didn't stay with it. You can certainly encourage him to do that again and even help him get to meetings. NA really does work for people who want to work the program.

[Time2Surrender]

Hopefully he is done. Take care of yourself. I would suggest he go back and do NA. If he does go, support him. If he really wants it, he will do it.

[msxsadie]

From a former teenage drug addict:

I think he's being honest when he says he needs help. And there are a lot of ways to give him a hand without disabling him. I can't say, 'be understanding', because obviously you're not HIM. But be loving, be caring. Withdrawal's the most dramatic part - but not the hardest. Give him tough love. Take him to NA by his hair if you have to. Sit down with him and make him work the twelve steps. And don't cover up for him, it's only going to make it worse for everyone around you. Make him go back to school or get a job once he's sober. And listen to him, let him know you love him so much you'll be harsh if you have to.

I hope I was of any help. =) Keep on, hun.