I need your help... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

disorderlydamie · 01-20-2007, 04:51 PM

Hello fellow addicts,

My name is Cass and I am an addict and I have 10 months clean.
And I want to quit NA.

I've had a really hard month, I haven't been joyous and I haven't been free. I've been feeling really alone and I'm struggling to stay clean. At one point in my recovery, I was very involved with the fellowship, went to meetings everyday, hung out all the time, and got very close to some other addicts my own age. Through the gifts of recovery, I am a full time student now, have a steady job, and I get to pursue many of my passions. My life is fabulous, the best it has ever been. Because of all these new responsabilities, my meeting attendance has gone down, and I've started going to different meetings to try to spice things up a bit. I have lost touch with alot of the people I were really close to, and am resentful that they don't return my calls or include me in activities like they used to. Many of the other addicts my age (in their early twenties) are in relationships, have other responsabilites now, and I feel as if the base of my recovery is cracking, and I am afraid that I might crumble.

I have noticed my behavior taking a turn for the worse. Engaging in self-destructive actions, manipulating, lying, isolating. I feel as if I don't do something soon, I will use and that scares me. I don't want to get high, I don't want to go back to that life.

I guess I'm just feeling stagnant, as if I'm not getting as much out of recovery as I used to. I do service as my group's GSR, I work steps, stay close to my sponsor. I pray everyday, I practice surrender on a daily basis and keep trying over and over again to stay in the third step. But right now, I can't figure out what God's will is for me and I don't know what to do.
Earlier this week I just wanted to say "**** it" to NA, even though I love it and feel grateful for my recovery.

What should I do?
I need some Experience, Strength, and Hope here, guys.
I love you all, I love NA. I need to find a way to renew my commitment to recovery.

Big ups,
An Addict in Need

GlassPrisoner · 01-20-2007, 06:42 PM

My sponsor says not to compare me to anything else, except me as how I used to be.

***Time2Surrender*** · 01-20-2007, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlassPrisoner

My sponsor says not to compare me to anything else, except me as how I used to be.

I like that. All I can really say is hang in there. This too shall pass. We all go through hard times. Thats life. Congrats on 10 months. I recommend working the steps a little more thorougly. Especially the first three. (for now) Even if it means getting a new sponsor who can guide you through them. Surrender your will and put your faith back in God and in NA. I went through the same phase in my recovery. Thank God I didnt give up.

Dont rob yourself of what could be.

Chance · 01-20-2007, 07:04 PM

You just described the reading out of the JFT to a tee! ONLY ONE PROMISE BUT MANY GIFTS! I know that when I get stuck in a rut that the best thing for this nut is to get back to the basics

1. Don't Use No Matter What
2. Go To Meetings everyday
3. Read the literature.
4. Get and use a sponsor
5. Work the Steps

I truly believe that if we are not going forward in our recovery then we are going backward! I don't think that this is a program of standing still. Good luck to you and I will keep you in my thoughts.

With Love And Respect

Vic

REZ · 01-21-2007, 11:26 AM

Hang in there! This too shall pass, if you stay clean through it. Just keep doing the things that have allowed you to stay clean this long (meetings, steps, etc.). It is good that you shared this.

Gmoney · 01-21-2007, 08:24 PM

Hello Cass,

Congrats on your 10 months!! WTG!!

I believe what you're going through is a little impatience and intolerance. I also believe that we all go through it from time to time, and it's not really a sign of your process being stagnant - it's simply not moving at the pace it may have at another time. You said yourself that your life is fabulous and better than it's ever been before - and with being a full-time student and working a steady job, it's only normal that your meeting attendance would alter accordingly. Welcome to life on it's own terms!!!

Sounds to me like you're greiving the loss (or reduction) of the social aspect of fellowshipping with your peers. Just because you don't see your recovery friends as much as you once did, it doesn't mean your foundation is shaky nor does it mean you aren't loved as much as you've always been. I feel it's important to understand that each of us tend to branch out after we get a little clean time under our belts and we explore the various opportunities we're exposed to. This can often mean heading in different directions to fulfill our goals and dreams. Some of the members I used to hang out with in early recovery have relocated, got married, work opposite shifts from myself or are involved in activities that keep us from seeing each other regularly. But on those rare occasions when we do reunite, I enjoy them as much as the old days.

It doesn't sound like your committment to NA is flawed or needs renewing. Sounds to me like you're still pretty active. What you might want to consider is branching your service efforts beyond your home group and look into ASC work. In my area, we have an ASC committee called "Activities" and it seems to be a great outlet for those members that really enjoy the social aspect of NA. They host dances, picnics, cookouts, shows, speaker jams and many more events that provide the fellowship with opportunities to come together outside of the normal meeting format.

As far as the behaviors go...give yourself a break. Although I don't know you personally, I'll stick my neck out and say that whatever you've noticed about yourself are things that you came into recovery with and they just don't disappear overnight. We don't become angels in 10 months or a year (if at all) and you should give yourself some credit for the work and effort you've put in so far. In case no one else has told you, I'm proud of you and think you've done an excellent job so far!! Keep up the good work!!

And remember, questioning God's will for us is human...but one thing is for sure...it is God's will for us to stay clean and recover and you're doing just that. We'll have down days, but as long as we stay clean and do the next right thing....all will be well.

Keep coming back & be blessed.

disorderlydamie · 01-21-2007, 10:24 PM

I cannot express how much I appreciate all of your support and experience with what I am going through. I love recovery and I am glad that I get to share it with all of you.
Thank you so much for the feedback.

Much love,
Cass

**Phinneas** · 01-21-2007, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disorderlydamie

I cannot express how much I appreciate all of your support and experience with what I am going through. I love recovery and I am glad that I get to share it with all of you.
Thank you so much for the feedback.

Much love,
Cass

Love and support right back atcha, Cass! Keep reading and posting. We're glad you're here!

Great 2 B Alive · 01-22-2007, 06:51 AM

Hey Cass,
Hang in there, I really dont believe that it is NA that we ever want to walk out on, its the High Expectations of others not meeting our expectation. People come into our live for a reason and sometime it is for only a short part of a season. Not everyone has our best intrest, we gravitate toward the same people we hung out with while we were using with, just the drug isn't involved, then we get Sponsor, Service and something Called Spirituality, and we start to move away from all the Bull Sh!t and it becomes a littlenarrower of a road with less chaos, and all of a sudden we wonder why. You are right where you are supposed to be.

I believe with the thoughough 2nd step and the power of Believing , Really believing that this program is going to lead me to abetter way of life, bet my life on the power of going to meetings, working the steps, calling my sponsor, and being a responsable ,productive member of society, this gift of recovery I have been given from God, will not let me down. We tend to rely on others, thoise ones who fall short, and blame it on God, when all in all we realy on God and others come into our lives. I didn't pick and choose my network (Country wide), I am incapable of knowing what is best for Todd J., and my life is so much better for it.

The 12th step in the Basic Text Pg. 48 " When we fist begin to enjoy relief from our addiction, we run the risk of assuming control of our lives again. We forget the agony and pain that we have known. Our disease controlled our lives when we were using. It is ready and waiting to take over again. We quickly forget that all our past efforts at controlling our lives failed."

I believe in you and know that if you put your efforts into getting through this and committ to living the NA Program, you will not use.

Peace,
Todd J.

BradScott · 01-25-2007, 03:24 PM

Hi,
Great thread, and I hope you are still going to NA meetings. I went to my first one this week, on Monday. I have went every day to a noon meeting. I have four of them under my belt now. I am still trying to figure everything out. I do not have a sponsor, not sure I am ready for one. I have tried sharing, but each time I say my name and say that I am an addict, I just get choked up and can not verbalize my thoughts. It is like if I say the word addict, I just can't talk anymore. I am a big guy, never have head any problems with public speaking, I just can't share anything yet, I darn near start to cry when I say I am an addict. What is wrong with me? Anyone else expierence this? By the way, I haven't had a pain pill in 51 days now.
Thanks, Brad

REZ · 01-25-2007, 03:59 PM

Hey Brad,
No shame in getting choked up. It is hard to admit to who we are and what we've done. Just keep coming back and you'll feel more comfortable sharing. Right now the most important thing is to go to meetings, listen, and get honest with yourself (and don't use no matter what!)

01-20-2007, 04:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
disorderlydamie Clean and Fabulous Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Lexington, KY Posts: 23	I need your help... Hello fellow addicts, My name is Cass and I am an addict and I have 10 months clean. And I want to quit NA. I've had a really hard month, I haven't been joyous and I haven't been free. I've been feeling really alone and I'm struggling to stay clean. At one point in my recovery, I was very involved with the fellowship, went to meetings everyday, hung out all the time, and got very close to some other addicts my own age. Through the gifts of recovery, I am a full time student now, have a steady job, and I get to pursue many of my passions. My life is fabulous, the best it has ever been. Because of all these new responsabilities, my meeting attendance has gone down, and I've started going to different meetings to try to spice things up a bit. I have lost touch with alot of the people I were really close to, and am resentful that they don't return my calls or include me in activities like they used to. Many of the other addicts my age (in their early twenties) are in relationships, have other responsabilites now, and I feel as if the base of my recovery is cracking, and I am afraid that I might crumble. I have noticed my behavior taking a turn for the worse. Engaging in self-destructive actions, manipulating, lying, isolating. I feel as if I don't do something soon, I will use and that scares me. I don't want to get high, I don't want to go back to that life. I guess I'm just feeling stagnant, as if I'm not getting as much out of recovery as I used to. I do service as my group's GSR, I work steps, stay close to my sponsor. I pray everyday, I practice surrender on a daily basis and keep trying over and over again to stay in the third step. But right now, I can't figure out what God's will is for me and I don't know what to do. Earlier this week I just wanted to say "**** it" to NA, even though I love it and feel grateful for my recovery. What should I do? I need some Experience, Strength, and Hope here, guys. I love you all, I love NA. I need to find a way to renew my commitment to recovery. Big ups, An Addict in Need __________________ "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde

01-20-2007, 06:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
GlassPrisoner Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Murrieta, Ca Posts: 2,685	My sponsor says not to compare me to anything else, except me as how I used to be. __________________ Life Happens

01-20-2007, 07:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,090 Blog Entries: 9	You just described the reading out of the JFT to a tee! ONLY ONE PROMISE BUT MANY GIFTS! I know that when I get stuck in a rut that the best thing for this nut is to get back to the basics 1. Don't Use No Matter What 2. Go To Meetings everyday 3. Read the literature. 4. Get and use a sponsor 5. Work the Steps I truly believe that if we are not going forward in our recovery then we are going backward! I don't think that this is a program of standing still. Good luck to you and I will keep you in my thoughts. With Love And Respect Vic __________________ With Love and Respect Vic Life isn't yesterday or tomorrow it is in the now.....

01-21-2007, 10:24 PM	#7 (permalink)
disorderlydamie Clean and Fabulous Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Lexington, KY Posts: 23	I cannot express how much I appreciate all of your support and experience with what I am going through. I love recovery and I am glad that I get to share it with all of you. Thank you so much for the feedback. Much love, Cass __________________ "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde

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01-21-2007, 11:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
REZ Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Chapel Hill, NC Posts: 985	Hang in there! This too shall pass, if you stay clean through it. Just keep doing the things that have allowed you to stay clean this long (meetings, steps, etc.). It is good that you shared this.

01-21-2007, 08:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
Gmoney Recovering Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Around the way Posts: 1,594	Hello Cass, Congrats on your 10 months!! WTG!! I believe what you're going through is a little impatience and intolerance. I also believe that we all go through it from time to time, and it's not really a sign of your process being stagnant - it's simply not moving at the pace it may have at another time. You said yourself that your life is fabulous and better than it's ever been before - and with being a full-time student and working a steady job, it's only normal that your meeting attendance would alter accordingly. Welcome to life on it's own terms!!! Sounds to me like you're greiving the loss (or reduction) of the social aspect of fellowshipping with your peers. Just because you don't see your recovery friends as much as you once did, it doesn't mean your foundation is shaky nor does it mean you aren't loved as much as you've always been. I feel it's important to understand that each of us tend to branch out after we get a little clean time under our belts and we explore the various opportunities we're exposed to. This can often mean heading in different directions to fulfill our goals and dreams. Some of the members I used to hang out with in early recovery have relocated, got married, work opposite shifts from myself or are involved in activities that keep us from seeing each other regularly. But on those rare occasions when we do reunite, I enjoy them as much as the old days. It doesn't sound like your committment to NA is flawed or needs renewing. Sounds to me like you're still pretty active. What you might want to consider is branching your service efforts beyond your home group and look into ASC work. In my area, we have an ASC committee called "Activities" and it seems to be a great outlet for those members that really enjoy the social aspect of NA. They host dances, picnics, cookouts, shows, speaker jams and many more events that provide the fellowship with opportunities to come together outside of the normal meeting format. As far as the behaviors go...give yourself a break. Although I don't know you personally, I'll stick my neck out and say that whatever you've noticed about yourself are things that you came into recovery with and they just don't disappear overnight. We don't become angels in 10 months or a year (if at all) and you should give yourself some credit for the work and effort you've put in so far. In case no one else has told you, I'm proud of you and think you've done an excellent job so far!! Keep up the good work!! And remember, questioning God's will for us is human...but one thing is for sure...it is God's will for us to stay clean and recover and you're doing just that. We'll have down days, but as long as we stay clean and do the next right thing....all will be well. Keep coming back & be blessed.

01-22-2007, 06:51 AM	#9 (permalink)
Great 2 B Alive Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: New York Posts: 15	Hey Cass, Hang in there, I really dont believe that it is NA that we ever want to walk out on, its the High Expectations of others not meeting our expectation. People come into our live for a reason and sometime it is for only a short part of a season. Not everyone has our best intrest, we gravitate toward the same people we hung out with while we were using with, just the drug isn't involved, then we get Sponsor, Service and something Called Spirituality, and we start to move away from all the Bull Sh!t and it becomes a littlenarrower of a road with less chaos, and all of a sudden we wonder why. You are right where you are supposed to be. I believe with the thoughough 2nd step and the power of Believing , Really believing that this program is going to lead me to abetter way of life, bet my life on the power of going to meetings, working the steps, calling my sponsor, and being a responsable ,productive member of society, this gift of recovery I have been given from God, will not let me down. We tend to rely on others, thoise ones who fall short, and blame it on God, when all in all we realy on God and others come into our lives. I didn't pick and choose my network (Country wide), I am incapable of knowing what is best for Todd J., and my life is so much better for it. The 12th step in the Basic Text Pg. 48 " When we fist begin to enjoy relief from our addiction, we run the risk of assuming control of our lives again. We forget the agony and pain that we have known. Our disease controlled our lives when we were using. It is ready and waiting to take over again. We quickly forget that all our past efforts at controlling our lives failed." I believe in you and know that if you put your efforts into getting through this and committ to living the NA Program, you will not use. Peace, Todd J.

01-25-2007, 03:24 PM	#10 (permalink)
BradScott Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Vancouver, WA Posts: 5	Hi, Great thread, and I hope you are still going to NA meetings. I went to my first one this week, on Monday. I have went every day to a noon meeting. I have four of them under my belt now. I am still trying to figure everything out. I do not have a sponsor, not sure I am ready for one. I have tried sharing, but each time I say my name and say that I am an addict, I just get choked up and can not verbalize my thoughts. It is like if I say the word addict, I just can't talk anymore. I am a big guy, never have head any problems with public speaking, I just can't share anything yet, I darn near start to cry when I say I am an addict. What is wrong with me? Anyone else expierence this? By the way, I haven't had a pain pill in 51 days now. Thanks, Brad

01-25-2007, 03:59 PM	#11 (permalink)
REZ Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Chapel Hill, NC Posts: 985	Hey Brad, No shame in getting choked up. It is hard to admit to who we are and what we've done. Just keep coming back and you'll feel more comfortable sharing. Right now the most important thing is to go to meetings, listen, and get honest with yourself (and don't use no matter what!)

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