Alright...I was a little off...(Sponsor) (Long)

[Inspiringmind]

Yesterday I got an email from my sponsor. Without posting it all here, cause that would be wrong, wrong, wrong...let me try to explain what she said. She said she was trying really hard to not be angry, hence the email. To me anger shouldn't even be at the top of any recovering addicts recovery. I understand we are all human and we still have feelings, but if your so angry that you can't call me and have to write an email, that anger is going to turn into a resentment.

She said I had a responsibility to the group I GSR, like to make sure that group has a place to go so that the group goes on for people who still want to be "in" NA. My thoughts: When I first got into service work, it was being the GSRA of this same group. Before me there was a switch of GSR and people opening the group about 3 times in about 2 months. About 3 months later I took over as GSR cause the girl that was GSR couldn't make it to Area. Ever since I took over even as GSRA I was one of two who had a key to the place and I came faithfully and opened that meeting. About 4 months ago I ended up being the only one opening that meeting. NA has a rule about GSR's it says one year term. I went way above and beyond that making sure that meeting was opened. If I wouldn't have taken over back then there would have been no meeting then. I wonder if she would have been so harsh about it back then if I would have declined. And there is the possibility of the meeting being somewhere else. Someone had asked me last week about openign the meeting. I said I would ask the person in charge of the building about it and he said no, but the same person came to me last night and said that they really thought about it and they thought it would be "too much."

She said I had a responsibility to Area to get the totes back. The totes have all the area supplies in it, like for events. Has like cups and plates and such forth. Banners from past events. A podium (sp?) so onand so forth. I told her that my husband was going to area this month and he may try to be Activites Chair, but even if he didn't get it, that I wasn't going to bring every single thing to area cause we don't have a place to store it. We don't have a clubhouse to store it, which is why it is in my basement too begin with. And the one town that has a place to store it is 120 miles away and we are not going there this month. I did tell her I would hand deliver it to whoever ended up being Activites chair.

She said an awful lot about the disease of addiction knocking on my door and how I opened it up and welcomed it right on in. Analogy of course, but I don't see that I did that. She was definitly biased towards the whole NA is the only way. "It works for me and millions of addicts", that's what she said....OK, that's fine, but it doesn't work for me!!

What really bothers me is how it really seems like I have lost a friend now, like we can't have friends that are outside the program. I mean, you know someone for almost 2 years, you share your entire lives with each other and it's like a light switch goes off and poof, your just not friends anymore.

[REZ]

Sorry this has been difficult for you. Whether you want to be in NA is your decision. If you decide to leave it is important to take care of your responsibilities, if you have any. This would be the same whether you leave NA, or any other organization. In my group, we had people leave NA (via a relapse) at about 1.5 years clean. We had to get some things back from them after they left, such as keys to the church, which was not easy.

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by REZ

Sorry this has been difficult for you. Whether you want to be in NA is your decision. If you decide to leave it is important to take care of your responsibilities, if you have any. This would be the same whether you leave NA, or any other organization.

I agree with that. Whether I have a paid job or a volunteer position, it is my job to leave it in good faith and on good terms - meaning fulfilling any outstanding responsibilities.

Originally Posted by Inspiringmind

I understand we are all human and we still have feelings, but if your so angry that you can't call me and have to write an email, that anger is going to turn into a resentment.

I can relate to this. I express myself much better in writing than in conversation. If an issue is emotional, volitile or conflictive, I will write out what I need to say in order to try to say it in the best way I possibly can. That is my style and maybe your sponsor is like that too. I dunno.

Originally Posted by Inspiringmind

She was definitly biased towards the whole NA is the only way. "It works for me and millions of addicts", that's what she said....OK, that's fine, but it doesn't work for me!!

Well, are you clean today? Yes? Then in some ways, NA did work for you, yes?

But I do get what you are saying, Inspiring. I get that you have decided to leave NA and want to do it on good terms and without burning bridges.

Lately I have been working really hard to try to see things from the other person's perspective in my own life and it has really helped me be more compassionate and empathetic. From your sponsor's point of view, could she be scared and worried for you? Is it possible that what she is saying is based on concern? If so, how does that make you feel?

You don't need to answer, Inspiring. I am just posing some questions for thought. I support you in the path you need to take for you. I personally support anyone who stays clean and sober no matter what program they work - whether 12 steps or personal or another group. I assume you have a plan for your continued sobriety. Just remember that you can always reach out for support. We're here for you and so are, I'm sure, your NA friends.

[NoelleR]

Hey Inspiringmind ---

Just a couple of things/thoughts.....I'm kinda with Phinneas on the 'writing stuff out' bit.....I am much better at writing things out; I can go back over what I've written and amend things to make sure I'm being succinct, using the correct words, etc......and the big plus is if someone comes back (which they often do), I at least have what I've said in writing..I find that most communication problems are not in the transmission, but in the reception...I've noticed that if I'm verbal, folks come back with stuff like: "Well, you said....." That may have been what they HEARD, but perhaps NOT what I SAID, and if it's in writing I can go back, reread, and perhaps choose other/better words so as to be understood more plainly...........

PS --- the above was not meant to presume that you mishear, Inspiringmind, just my personal experience with a lot of folks......even today.... (o:

I do want to applaud you; it appears that you've covered your bases; my answer to your sponsor might be something like, "Well, if you're so worried about the group closing, perhaps you would like to pick up my position where I leave off?" ..... said in a nice way, of course.....lol

and as others have stated, I hope you continue with your sober life....it really is so much easier, least for me, than stumbling blindly .... forward? .... backward? .... around....... (o:

NoelleR

[WA_NA_Survivor]

Hi InspiringMind, I hope this is not your only exposure to NA as it's nothing like it should be if the Steps, Traditions & Concepts are upheld. I am GSR for a meeting in a small university district in Washington State and have experienced very similar things.

Here GSR means Secretary, GSR & Treasurer, it's usually personalities before principles that prevails and I've had more than my share of opening the meeting venue and being the only one there with the onset of the Xmas / New Year season. Here the disease of addiction also mysteriously disappears during major events such as Football Games - perhaps we could suggest to the World Service Committee, the re-wording of the Basic Text to include the possibility of letting entertainment take precedence over meetings in recovery ;o).

It's easy to feel let down in these situations but I've come to the conclusion that NA will always have its complications in small rural districts - I moved from the Dallas region for work related reasons but larger regions like Dallas have an excellent NA structure - that's a spin-off from having a larger population base. For that reason I still work with a long distance Sponsor from Dallas Texas - I would recommend doing something like that. Whatever you do, definitely find an NA support network in some form that works for you, the negativity that comes from unstable personality driven meetings will bring you great harm so I understand your need to distance yourself at least for the present time.

You will find a way to return the materials or get your Sponsor's assistance, I know how you feel and would emphasize again that you don't have to settle for just any "Sponsor" available in your district - it's more important to seek out the company of people who work the program and will support you in your recovery.

[Time2Surrender]

I agree. Nothing against Cheyenne, or Wyoming. I went to a few meetings there. Met Inspiringmind, and her husband. Good people. I was welcomed by all and felt at home. I went to some good meetings there. And liked the people I met. But in those small towns NA seems different. Only a handful of people with signifigant clean time. Finding the right sponsor could also be tough cause there isnt much choice. Maybe its just me. I love NA. I like NA here. Thursday night we had 75 people. Many with 5+ years, a few with 10 yrs and a couple with over 20 years. Everything around here is very structured and organized.