I don't wanna be a sponsor anymore...

[Inspiringmind]

I thought that being a sponsor would be really fabulous. I would be keeping what I had by giving it away. I think I do that fine by doing other service work. I thought about being an addictions counciler (sp?) and started going to college for it and realized that I am not cut out for it at all. I was even told by a therapist I had that it wasn't the right work for me. I can listen really well, (nod my head every once in a while) but I am horrible with giving advice and I really don't want to hear about my sponsee's resentments and inner details of their lives. I really don't like getting phone calls at all odd hours of the day. I mean, before I was a sponsor I had people call me, but not a regular basis and not with all their problems. In the time I have been clean I have done 1- 12 step call. I sat there with someone who was coming down. She said a lot and I was none to helpful cause I had no clue what to say back. I have as many active sponsee's as my sponsor has and she passed quite a few on it me cause she couldn't handle more...and she has almost 10 years clean....I only have 20 months clean. To be honest I really wanted to be a sponsor when I had less clean time, I think back then it was that I thought I would be an important person in NA if I was one. Now I am wishing I had never accepted being a sponsor. I really don't think I should be sponsoring someone until I have completed the 12 steps all the way through at least one time. Someone else asked me about being their sponsor last week and I just told them to hang around the rooms for a little longer and see if they saw someone that they clicked with and felt comfortable with.

[best]

Originally Posted by Inspiringmind

I think back then it was that I thought I would be an important person in NA if I was one.

Guess what...

You are the second most important person in NA. The only person that is more important then you is the new person walking in the door.
Some times, lots of times, maybe even most times... it isn't what we say that makes a good sponsor... it is just being there. When I make a call if I was in need, just hearing a voice on the other end say hello back could end up being a huge life line.

What is your opinion of an important person in NA? Runs the meeting? Sets up and schedules the meetings? Does the inspirational talks?

Here is a short breakdown of importance of people at a meeting.

#1 Newest member
#2 Members who share the message
#3 Members who help set up chairs and make coffee, give rides
#4 Those who schedule, manage, and lead meetings.
#5...
#6...
last... national director

Not a full listing but I think you get the point.

So just like the old Hertz commercials... "We are #2 and we try harder"

Being #2 is a great place to be.

[windysan]

i was never a good sponsor. i was never a good 12 stepper. i'm a do it yourselfer and it works great for me. lots of avenues available for us. aa/na ain't the only way.

some people like myself simply don't get "the program".

[Chance]

Sponsorship is a very important part of the Program especially in NA....I know that I have been a sponsor and it is OK but today, well I am not really all that qualified, for this time around I have decided to work on Vic and that guy needs a lot of work.

If you don't take the credit in being a sponsorship than you don't have to take the blame either. So many times, I have seen where people take the credit for doing something in there services only to find out that it wasn't them that did it, it is a Power that is greater than them. We have to also know our limitations.

In NA it doesn't matter who we are or where we are in our Program, WE are all equal. If it is effecting your serenity than maybe it is time to take a look at why it is and maybe process it through the steps. There is a lot of power there in itself. Hope that you find the answer that you are looking for.

With Love

Vic

[Inspiringmind]

Originally Posted by windysan

i was never a good sponsor. i was never a good 12 stepper. i'm a do it yourselfer and it works great for me. lots of avenues available for us. aa/na ain't the only way.

some people like myself simply don't get "the program".

Even though I have been a part of the program for almost 2 years now, I am just like you in that I don't think I get the program. I have changed a lot...my life is WAY different then it was 2 years ago.

I don't think it was NA though. I went through an outpatiant program at a local mental health place and I think that they helped me change. In the program they required that you go to one 12 step meeting per week, that's why I started going to NA.

Once I got into NA I listened to what everyone had to say, and becasue I can't say NO to anyone I just went along with the "program". In November that same outpatient program asked me to come back and talk about NA. I did it, but let me tell you I really didn't say very much.

It is dang nice to see that someone understand where I am coming from and that maybe NA isn't for every person who walks through it's doors. Don't get me wrong, when we have a big event it is kinda nice to be around people that are clean...I feel a certain kinship with all those people, but in the end I believe that NA is not the program for me.

I know that many people in the program will say that if you leave the program you will go back to using....I know, it may not be a week or a month or a year from now, but that it would happen. I also know a few people that don't go anymore and they are doing grand. A friend of mine who has 18 years clean has gotten out of NA and into her church instead. OK maybe church isn't for me, but what I was taught when I went to treatment is really all I need.

[REZ]

"I also know a few people that don't go anymore and they are doing grand."

So do I. But I also know many people who don't go and are living on the street, in jail or an institution, or dead.

I have been clean for over 22 years in NA. I still keep going to meetings. I think about not going from time to time but I keep coming back for many reasons:

1. NA has worked for 22 years. It has a good track record with me. Yes, I MIGHT be able to stay clean for a while without NA, but suppose I'm wrong and I can't. I'm not willing to take that risk today. I have nothing to gain and too much to lose.

2. Most of my friends are in NA now. I don't want to go try and make a bunch of new friends. Where would I met them? Bars? Clubs?

3. I owe it to NA to give something back to the program. This program saved my life. The least I can do is to keep going to meet to share my experience, strength and hope with other people.

[Inspiringmind]

Originally Posted by REZ

"I also know a few people that don't go anymore and they are doing grand."

So do I. But I also know many people who don't go and are living on the street, in jail or an institution, or dead.

I have been clean for over 22 years in NA. I still keep going to meetings. I think about not going from time to time but I keep coming back for many reasons:

1. NA has worked for 22 years. It has a good track record with me. Yes, I MIGHT be able to stay clean for a while without NA, but suppose I'm wrong and I can't. I'm not willing to take that risk today. I have nothing to gain and too much to lose.

2. Most of my friends are in NA now. I don't want to go try and make a bunch of new friends. Where would I met them? Bars? Clubs?

3. I owe it to NA to give something back to the program. This program saved my life. The least I can do is to keep going to meet to share my experience, strength and hope with other people.

See this is what I am saying...for those people that are in the program they swear there is NO other way to stay clean.

You might think there is no other way to stay clean and after that many years you just stay with what your comfortable with.

Of course I wouldn't go to clubs or bars to meet new friends. I could start going to church. Or I could get a job and have friends through work. Of course, all those people could drink too. Even in NA there are plenty of people who go to meetings and they are still using. Are you saying you shouldn't be friends with them then?

[windysan]

I know many who have been dope-free for years without the help of AA/NA. I don't think AA/NA has the best track record out there either. I believe there are many avenues to stay dope-free. As for church and AA/NA...well, they are too similar for me to feel comfortable. But whatever works is great. I'm just saying that religion ain't my thing. If it works for the AAer/NAer then that's cool with me. Whatever keeps you from doing dope and "jails, institutions, death"(did I just say that? OMG).

[Moontime]

Windy,

I don't think AA/NA has the best track record out there either

What program do you use? There are a lot out there


My next question, aren't you the person who still drinks? Above you said you sponsored people? Were you sponsoring people and still drinking?

It's a shame you already seperate yourself before you even give something a chance.

My Experience is that AA/NA aren't the only ways to recover but the people who work these programs have the life that I want.

[windysan]

Originally Posted by Moontime

Windy,


What program do you use? There are a lot out there


My next question, aren't you the person who still drinks? Above you said you sponsored people? Were you sponsoring people and still drinking?

It's a shame you already seperate yourself before you even give something a chance.

My Experience is that AA/NA aren't the only ways to recover but the people who work these programs have the life that I want.

No, I didn't have my 2 or 3 beers while eating boiled crawfish when I was sponsoring. It ain't that I separated myself......I just didn't get it. AA/NA helped me early on but I kinda of grew out of it. Being an agnostic it just didn't work for me. I did "take what I needed and left the rest" though. I found it cult-like and kinda scary at times. All the religious stuff made me feel kinda weird. I just can't grasp the idea of the Big Boogeyman in the Sky and using a higher power like "electricity", "air", or "the group" seemed kind of cheesy to me. What I needed to do was modify my behavior. All the "spiritual"/"religious" stuff didn't make sense to me. I just needed to stop the negative behavior(taking dope). As for the beers, well, booze ain't never been a problem for me and I don't really go for that "disease" concept. I know...denial denial...blah blah. I can have a couple of brews and I don't end up guzzling a bottle of Jack and going to the hood to score. It just don't work that way for me. As for "program" success I learned in rehab and in meetings that it is a small minority of people who stay off dope. I ain't saying there is anything wrong with the "program" at all. I'm for whatever works. The Doityourself program is working well for me. With the drug court invasion of meetings I don't really wanna go to meetings b/c there is a lot of dope at meetings. Part of my Doityourself program is staying away from dope so meetings filled with non-caring drug court dopers are no place for me. I'm sure there are many good sponsors out there...I wasn't one of them. As for other programs I take what I need and leave the rest. My main program is my own program. It works if I work it.

[Sugah]

I know some wonderful people with wonderful recovery -- lot of what I'd like to have in my life -- who don't sponsor others. It's not their thing. They do their part, however. There are many ways to do 12 step work outside of sponsorship. I think that so long as each person has a sponsor or sponsorship network (I have both), it doesn't matter so much that they, themselves, become a sponsor.

We all have a place, and being true to oneself, checking motives, and being rigorously honest with others helps us to find that place. IMO.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[disorderlydamie]

Inspiring Mind~ It sounds like you have placed some pretty high expectations on sponsorship. When I got my first sponsee, she called me all the time and had a lot of issues to deal with on a daily basis. At first, I was totally annoyed, wanted to ignore her calls. But then I realized that not to long ago and on any given day, I was exactly the same way. How far would I have made it if my sponsor ignored my calls or didn't listen to me when I was going through it? When we are brand new, everyday life feels like a "no matter what" situation. I realized that by being patient and loving to her I was able to be patiet and loving to myself, and that is an amazing thing.

As far as the discussion about not "getting" the program or not belonging, I know that NA is the only place for me. I don't question why or how it works, I just know that nothing else has worked for me ever. Also, I have realized that once I got past the fog of the dope, the real problem was me and the way that I viewed the world and the way that I behaved. I have found the ability to change those things through the 12 steps. I have also discovered that the void I feel inside can only be filled with faith of a spiritual nature.

I wouldn't trade what I have found in NA for anything else in the world. I am sorry to hear that people don't get the program. In my experience, the reason that I rebel against the program is not a problem with the program, but a reservation within me, an unwillingness to be openminded and a desire to not change.

I am so grateful that NA is my home, it is where I belong. I don't have to understand or "get" it to know that it works. In my opnion, it's my higher power that makes it possible anyways, I have learned to get out the way.

[Time2Surrender]

Its cool. To each his own. Myself, I love NA. I have a lotta friends there. Thanks to NA I have been clean for 19 months. I think Im gonna stick around. Why dont we all meet here 12 months from now? We can see how NA is working for some of us and everyone else can talk about how it didnt work for them.

[windysan]

Originally Posted by Time2Surrender

Its cool. To each his own. Myself, I love NA. I have a lotta friends there. Thanks to NA I have been clean for 19 months. I think Im gonna stick around. Why dont we all meet here 12 months from now? We can see how NA is working for some of us and everyone else can talk about how it didnt work for them.

Dat be cool wit me. On a side note....I totally chowed down on some serious boiled crawfish last night. Dang, dey was sho nuf good.

[Time2Surrender]

Damn Cajun's Cant help but like em. Pass the Gumbo please

[windysan]

Originally Posted by Time2Surrender

Damn Cajun's Cant help but like em. Pass the Gumbo please

Once you eat my gumbo you'll be a real hard-core addict. 12-Steps will do you no good. You'll be grovelling at my feet begging for a fix. LOL.

Chicken, Andouille, Tasso, Duck Gumbo is my specialty.

[Time2Surrender]

Great. Now Im starving.