Talkking helps...

[lost_girl]

hi guys...
I'm new here and I've been reading all these posts for days now,and I finally have courage to talk about my problem adn to regiser here.
I'm 18 and was speed addict a year a go. It was very stresful and hard to sytay clean. I ve been off speed for months now but I'm kee p thinking about it. That is the first thing a think about when I wake up-the last thing on my mind when I go to bed. It's really terrifying who I become controled but it. I don't know what to do. every single day I feel I'm on the edge of breaking,giving up. I'm trying to cut everything related to drugs but they have been 2 years part of my life and it's hard.Other people can't understand it. My parents call me names for having a problem.Never did anything to help me and I'm tired,I think I'm uncapable to do this by myself,alone. I don't live with my parents anymore. and I'm trying really hard to saty away of drugs but it seems to be...almost imposible. I just got tired of everything !

[cooljelly]

dear lostgirl
i just wanted to congratulate you on your clean time and wandered if youve ever been to an NA meeting
if you havent i suggest you do as soon a spossible
there are some good ones online or even better get to a face to face meeting
there you will find experience strngth and hope and if talking helps as you say its a great place to meet people to talk to
speed is a very nasty drug which plays with your mind and im glad youre off it now
things will get easier with time, youre on the right path dont screw up now, do whatever it takes to maintain youre recovery and know that youre not alone
love
penny

[Smyle]

Hey Lost...how lucky you are to realize you have a problem a such a young age...

I wish I had your courage at that age...

Actually I turned 17 in rehab but never really took it serious...now at 34 with two kids and all that goes with it I finally get it...after alot of carp and lost everthing

I started out with coke and crystal...then I got thru college and working in my profession...Pharmacy....well you can probably figure out how the rest of the story goes....the suck....

I wish I would have been a teacher or something of the sort .....anyways...i really hope that you can find the help/strength you need to get this figured out...we need you out and about to make great decisions for us and our country.....

if you need anything PM me and I am there for ya....

Peace

~ Beezy

[Arura]

Hello (((Lost))) ,...

Glad your Here,...There are Many here who can and will relate to you as I also had my time with speed ,...and pycosis aswell,..so yes I bet your tired ,...
I just wanted to give you some *Hugs* n say Hello n Read n Read what these post's say,.....as sometime's,..... They hit you and ,.....It's like 'oh my God that's me'...!

So Really Glad to see you posting and Looking at your situation as your Still young With your Whole Life Ahead of you a Wonderful, Fullfilling,... life is just waiting for you and It Is Your's......

Keep Postin n Readin ...xXx...!

[REZ]

Congrats on getting off speed. Are you going to NA meetings? They have been a real life saver for me.

[lost_girl]

hey guys..thank you all soooooo much for your support..you don't have any idea what this mean to me. I'm reading these posts and I feel better.When I see,other people are strong and they made it through,that gives me strenght to fight and keep trying... I haven't been on NA meetings..here is why...My parents never wanted to admit that I have a problem.It's easier for them to close their eyes, ground me and think they solved the problem.I've tried to talk to them about all this but they don't seem to realise it.they pay shrinks and they think that will help.We ve been to the hospital copuple pf times because I lost so many pounds and stuff but the just keep looking at me saying "If u wanna do it,move out ".I can't move out.and I can't just wake up and say "I'm not going to do this anymore",it's not,you know that's not how it goes.So,I lived through the hell firs month and the half. And they saw me,they did,crying and not knowing what to do with myself.They took me to the seaside and made me swim everyday,but healthy body,that I have now,doesn't have anything to do with things inside my head.I'm sad.And they say to mee"why would u go to those meetings,you're not one of them,you cant go".they call me names. they expect me to be functional and normal again. I go to school totally lost and angry,depressed.and they tell me to do my homework!f*** that! I'm on the edge of the breaking here and people want from mw to bwe functional! GOD!

[marle]

Hi Lost Girl, I am not an addict, my 20 year old daughter is, opiates and crack. I was in denial for the first year of her addiction, thought that drug testing her, giving her consequences would stop the addiction. I did not want her to be an addict. She had so much going for her and I did not want her to lose it all. She went to rehab, came out and I thought she looked good, not like the other addicts. I was still naive about addiction. This last year she has spent living with her boyfriend, a 36 year old crack addict that supplies all of her drugs. She came to us in March and wanted help to get her life back on track (denying that she used drugs). She tried for three months but in the end, relapsed and is now back with the bf and worse than before. I am just now beginning to understand her addiction. I have called her names in the past, thinking that shaming her would be the trick to stop the addiction. Your parents are probably floundering and doing the best that they can. I am currently in therapy for my codependency so that if my daughter ever does decide that she wants to be clean, I am able to be supportive without being negative or enabling. Just like you can't understand your parents pain, they can't understand yours. My daughter has lied to me, broken my heart more times than I can count, taken money from us that she used for drugs and many more things that have hurt me. I still love her though and pray daily that she will find recovery. Find some meetings to go to, reach out for help. Despite what your parents do or don't do, help yourself. You are the only one that should matter right now. You need people who have been where you have been and understand what you are feeling. Your parents can't do that for you, just as I know I can't do that for my daughter. Hugs and prayers for your continuing recovery, Marle

[kj0975]

I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel about the cravings. I used to love my pills hydro mostly but whatever it didnt matter. I have been clean almost 6 mos now and I have to tell you boy to I have cravings. It took me a long time to not to crawl out of bed and think about my morning fix. I still do sometimes. When things seem hard or I get overwhelmed I crave even more. I have learned that when my cravings kick in I have to keep bz til they pass. I dont care what I do read a magazine, clean, crosswords or just get on here and read away my cravings seem to go away. Sometimes not for long but long enough where I seem to be in control of the situation again. This is hard and you need to be proud of yourself and hold your head up high. Addiction is hard and even harder at your age because you have to stop hanging around the people you thought were your friends and have to learn a whole new way. I guess you have to do that at any age too so its not ever easy. 2 yrs is great and I envy you and I'm sure alot of other do too. Keep up the good work and stay strong you will beat this, just for today! KJ

[REZ]

If you start using drugs again, your parents will eventually know. Better to be honest with them and get the help you need (at meetings) than hiding at home. Just my opinion.

[lost_girl]

they already know..I'm falling apart,they know it all.they just don't wanna see it,admit it,they think I want to get some of their attention..they think it's a faze... parents always say "this is not happening to MY kid"...

[caligirl770]

What about at school, is there a counselor that you can talk to that can maybe help you? Can you call your doctor and ask him or her to meet and talk with your parents, to help them understand what is happening with you?? I am sorry you don't have a good support system at home.

[kj0975]

Here is a question since your parent are not supportive and I know most parents are in denial cause my kids cannot be addicts. Most people have a mental image in their minds of what an addict looks like. Mostly from movies or the news or whatever. They can never look at their own family and be like hey thats what an addict looks like. Until you can open your eyes and see this disease can strike anyone. Do you drive? Are you on your parents insurance? Cause I have to tell you from working in the health field, that you can actually go to your Doctor and tell them that you want to see a counselor or psyciatrist (sp) and tell them you dont want your parents to know about it. Since your over 12 yes 12 the laws prohibit your parents from asking about your care. So maybe that can be an option for you. Or tell them that your going out for a few hrs and hit a meeting. If your in college find a support group there too. There are many options and you no longer have to live under your parents "thoughts" of what is right for you. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself clean and on the right path. I'm a little angry at all this.

Because your parents know that you have a problem and are working on it. Yet most parents of addicts are clueless until it get out of control then try to help you. You have helped yourself and yet they dont try to help you. Alot of parents are totally blind to addiction til it is totally out of control and they cant help you anymore. Your parents can help you but choose not too.

I cant say its all their fault though cause they think since your clean you should be done with it. Not the case and if I were you I would find everything I could about addiction and show it to them. I know where your coming from. I went through it too. My parents couldnt see my problem but my fiance could. One day he gave me the ultimatom (sp lol) me or your pills. I chose him. I sat in misery going through w/d's I mean absolute hell. For a long time no sleep no eating no nothing. Then when the w/d's were done I tried to tell him about the cravings, the wanting, the needing, the everything. In his mind since I went through the w/d's I was done with pills. Oh if it were that easy.

I tried to tell him what I was going through, my thoughts, my feelings, everything. He said to me "well its not like you were a drug addict". Really then why would you make me choose pills or you if it wasnt a problem? People have a perception of what an addict looks like and how an addict feels. Since he was never one how could he know. Then I relapsed he was so angry. Why would you be angry when you told me I didnt have a problem? Now your trying to fix it. I could sit here all day and type how much I understand you. As a fellow addict and as a person. Your not alone. If once we were clean and done with our addicton we wouldnt think about it there wouldnt be a relapse. So I just hope you follow your path of recovery and dont go through what I went through with a relapse. Dont try to show your parents that you have a problem by using again, cause who knows this time you might not be able to stop.

Instead follow your own heart and your desire to stay clean. Go to online meetings I know here they have them where you can talk and get things out. You know what it does help to talk. Talk here get it all out here. As far as I'm concerned anyone who has not walked in my shoes has not right to tell me that's everything is ok, that I'm fine, or I'm crying for attention. Nope thats not it as you have walked in my shoes you know it looking for support and that pat on the back that says "Finally I have kicked the addiction" if only for today I stay clean, that is one more day of recovery.

Ignore your parents ignorance, follow your heart and your destiny which is from what I can see a great CLEAN future with much PROMISE and REWARDS. Just stay strong and fight those cravings. When you have one come on here or PM any one of us that have walked in your shoes. WE WILL SUPPORT YOU 100%. Been there and done that and beating this battle daily.

I wish you much success on your journey of life and as long as you have as much willpower and determination as you hav showed on this board to stay clean you will go along ways in life. Once again I still envy you for staying clean. I'm sorry this is long but I just wanted you to know your not alone and there is always someone here who understands you. KJ

[notsleepingwell]

(((Lost Girl))))

Big hugs sent to you!!!! I'm praying for you Lost. Please, please stay clean. Go to the meetings and stay on track. I'm not saying this cause it's easy. It's probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do. I'm saying this because I care. My daughter is lost in addiction. I haven't heard from her since May. She is homeless, I am raising her son, the last time I saw her she weighed maybe 90lbs. And it's soooo sad!!!!

Please, please don't stay on that path, cause there is only 1 end to it, and it's not pretty.
NSW

[mooselips]

Lost girl,
So lald you are choosing recovery.
I am the mom of two adult addict sons. One is currently in prison, the other, well, I'm not sure if he's using right now, or not. Unfortunately, I was in the same place as your parents are a long time ago. Perhaps, I just didn't understand the significance of drug abuse, or I was just ignorant of the facts.
For you to stop using and get your life together is truly a wonderful thing. Because, using drugs kind of stops the forward progression of your life, or so I've seen in my son's lives.
Good for you! Get to meetings, and get yourself some additional support, there are people there who understand exactly how you are feeling.


KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
I'm rooting for you,
Hugs,

[frankie_b]

(( lost girl ))
I'm the mother of an addict and am so very grateful I found Alanon.
Adddiction is a disease. Codependents, like your parents, have their
own dis at ease symptoms, meaning they don't know any better until they seek recovery. Sick codies can enable and even sabotage recovery. My ex did that with my AS. I thank God I found recovery.

For you right now, keep posting here. The people here know how to support you and encourage and have the experience , the" how it works" of recovery from addiction. They've been where you are.
Going to meetings, being with other addicts face to face is the solution for so many.
You do not have to isolate alone at home. As for as your parents, no

doubt it hurts that they don't support BUT it's their problem. Do not allow them to bring you down. Do not allow them to be a stumbling block in your own recovery. As well, watch your expectations of them so you do not start feeling disappointed, angry or resentful. They cannot give you what you want or need at this time. It is what it is.

Keep your focus on doing what is best for you, and surround yourself with other adddicts in recovery. There are lots of parents here at SR who support you 100%. I am one. I offer you encouragement and say Good for You for accepting you have an addiction. That's huge! This is your time to save your own beautiful young life from any further destruction. You have tremendous courage
to change the things you can. I send all positive thoughts and encouragement. Believe in yourself and keep keeping on. You are so worth it!
We all want to be understood, especially by our families. When it's simply not possible let it go. Take care of you!!

[frankie_b]

By the way, talk to your school counselor and see your doctor. Counselors are trained to give you guidance and support. They have knowledge of others just like you who
need help and support. There may well be a peer group at your school working
on their own recovery from addiction. Reach out to those who can help you.
You are 18 and evidently very clear and capable of seeing what is in your best interest whether your parents do or not. They cannot stop you. Don't let them.
I wish you all the best.

[lost_girl]

thank you all really.this means so much to me..
I will listen to your advices and try to do my best,find people to talk adn strenght to move on. I know that there are a lot of people whose pain is stronger and situation worse then mine and sometimes I think bad about myself because I'm angry with myself-months and months passed and I still can't feel free of thoughts and feeling of need for drugs. I feel like I'm in the water drawning-something keeps pulling me down.
When I hear all these words of support I just feel a relief.I say to myself"These people are winners or they are trying their best to be,I CAN DO IT" but you all know the feeling when everything you see makes you think about drugs. I will talk with some peopoe and ask for help.It just I woke up first time in a long time and realized I had a problem.That is the best but also the hardest thingin this whole story.
My prayers and hugs for all of u
thank you so much

[kj0975]

Over time the cravings will become less and less and the thougths of using will be less too. Just keep bz do constructive things to keep your mind bz. You can do it and the hardest part isnt stopping its staying stopped. Using again is easy stopping again isnt. It might the one of the hardest things you will have to go through in life is to stay clean and fight the dreaded using thoughts. Fight a good fight thats all you can do. Win this battle I know you have it in you. Look all of us have had struggles too but we have overcome them and are moving on with our lives digging out of that hole we put ourselves in with our using. You can do it!!! KJ

[BigSis]

Lost Girl... Glad you found us. Hope you can find some meetings, some support and some ways in real life to support your goals.

My kid is a meth addict - she has 18 months sober today, but there was a time I thought she was going to die... ugly in her disease. It made me crazy... crazier than normal, anyway... to the point I was in so much pain just watching her that I wanted off the planet myself.

Now, how would that have helped her?! It wouldn't have... but that was where MY crazy mind went. Addiction is HUUUUUUGGGGGGGEEEE!!! It runs in families, it follows entire generations, it affects the sober ones, it changes the addicted ones.... it is a really big condition.

But the only one who I can get help for.... is me. That is the way it works. And I think that is true for you, too. Whatever your folks are feeling - it is THEIRS to deal with. You deal with your cravings and figure out some support from those who understand, and eventually... your folks will do the same.

In fact, you might be surprised how much you can learn about boundaries and detatchment in recovery. Imagine this - YOU being the great example the rest can follow.

I think you have it in you and I wish you the best.

[marteen]

((((lost girl)))))

I applaud you for your determined effort to stay clean. I can't imagine how hard it must be.
I, too, am the mother of a 25 yr old addict, who will not speak to us anymore; not since last Dec. She says that we are all dead to her even though she only lives about 20 miles away with our only granddaughter, a 15 month old. She is actively using and she and the baby are missing out on so much. She has even rejected her younger sober sister who used to be so close. Drugs have caused her to give up on her entire family.

I know it's hard but do whatever you have to to stay clean. You are so much more than drugs. and you have so much of a future for you.

Keep reaching out and go to meetings whenever YOU need them. Your choices! Hold your head up high, you are doing fantastic.

hugs,
marteen

[Time2Surrender]

Welcome to SoberRecovery.

[greeteachday]

Lostgirl, I'm so glad you are going to seek out some people to talk with. Having people who understand is a big help. YOu're doing great! Keep moving forward, reaching out, posting here. I'm really glad you found this site!