The Steps and What They Mean To Me Today

[Chance]

I figured I would do this and see how it goes, willing to be open-minded to others as well.

"We admitted we were Powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable."

This is how this step applies in my life today. For me I know that any using any drugs would make my life more unmanageable than what it is at the present time. Even with all that is going on, going back to using would be nothing but destruction to my life, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically.

The first step here has two profound words and they are the words were, and had. These words are pass tense. Now in complete defeat, beaten down like a snake in the ground, I go there because I didn't want to die nor did I want to have to keep living the way that I was living my life. I didn't just one day think, this would be a good day to join NA! I had lost everything that had any value at all in my life, but most of all I had became someone that I couldn't even look in the eye. Dishonest, deceitful, very arrogant, and of course the poor victim of society.

I knew that if I continued down this path that I in all reality was either going to die or be permanently locked up. I don't want to have to live in this way of life, and the fear that goes with it in all aspects.

I have also admitted that not only has my life been nothing more than a act, trying to have to fit in, trying to control everything. I have came to realize that once I can honestly accept my life for what I had done with it and have the honest desire to do something different, then change might occur, just maybe it will work for me.

This disease of addiction to me means the obsessive thought of anything in my life, drugs, women, shopping, to feel that hole that is in my gut with anything other than the spiritual principle of honesty. I can not go and fill that hole up with anything or I would still be in denial. The compulsion is to act upon those thoughts when I know that it would only lead to unmanageability in any area of my life.

For me I had to realize and believe that the denial that things were not that bad is a complete lie and not living in reality. I know today within my heart, without a shadow of a doubt that it isn't the fifth one of anything that gets me it is the first. This has to do with all aspects of my life, not just the dope.

This is what I have came up for me so far and of course it is going to change as I stay clean here in NA. Thanks for letting me share.

Love Vic

[Chance]

Step 2 and what it means to me as of today

"We Came to Believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

WOW just wow.

I think for me that I have searched through this many times but more recently I have truly came to believe. Somewhere along the line this time the obsession has left. Don't really even know when it has happened that is of no importance to me. That I know that a Power Greater than me has taken away this. I have seen other things that might not be huge to others but for me it is a real sign that a Power Greater than myself is restoring me slowly. Such as I now where a seat belt when I drive, I am open-minded most of the time, I am seeing and learning here lately about teachers that are appearing in my life all over not only here at SR but where I live, people that my HP is putting in my life to teach me. The person that seems to **** me off the most is a great lesson of compassion, and looking at my part. That is huge for me, I am always looking at what my part is.

I think for me it has been a process, I have came, the I had come to believe. I even believe that you believe, that my sponsor believes, there are some areas that I have not been restored yet or maybe I have don't know, doesn't matter. What is important is that the step says that a HP could restore us to sanity, doesn't mean that it will. what I am coming to realize that I am going to have to be content where I am at this moment. I have to also take action here and that is wonderful. Other things that I have noticed is that I am no longer have the thoughts of using all the time in my head. Very rarely do I think about using which is evident to me that something is restoring me.

[Chance]

More stuff for Step Two

"We Came to Believe that a Power Greater than OURSELVES could restore us to Sanity"

All we have to do here is believe that a Power Greater than Ourselves can restore us to sanity. Pretty simple for us yet we like to make things more difficult than what they are. Sponsor says it is time to move on to step 3.

Love Vic