Addicted Son

[gingle]

Hello, this is my first time writing in. I am the mother of a 26 year old son addicted to cocaine. He has been battling drug addiction since the age of 15. After being in and out of hospitals, jail, 3 rehabs etc, i finally got fed up with him. I am so full of conflicting feelings towards him i.e; anger, resentment, saddness, dissappointed, violated, used and abused etc. I have told him that i do not want a relationship with him untill he seeks rehab, or sobriety. I am tired of all the lies and deception. This is so hard because i feel like i am abandoning him, and have given up, not to mention the overwhelming guilt i feel. I told my son i did not want to watch him throw his life away, therefore, he must not call me or come by my house. My husband is having a hard time sticking to the plan, several times my son has called and my husband has answered the phone.
Our lives have been a living hell. Is there any hope for achieving peace and serenity in our lives once again?

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by gingle

Is there any hope for achieving peace and serenity in our lives once again?

Absolutely, gingle. I strongly recommend that you post in SR's Naranon or Friends and Family forums. There you will find lots of people going through situations similar to yours who can offer good experience, strength and hope.

Just like there is hope for recovery for the addict in your life, there is hope for you and your family, too. As long as we are breathing, there is hope.

That said, however, your son is not going to get clean and stay clean one minute before he is ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get there. It is not an easy or short road, but it is possible. There are many here who are miracles of recovery, including me! But it is between your son and god as to when and if he does get recovery.

In the meantime, it is so, so, SO important to take care of yourself and not focus on him or try to control him or the situation. You can find out how to do this along with lots of support in those other forums I mentioned above.

Welcome to SR, gingle. I wish you peace now.

[Nina Kay]

Hi gingle,
I also want to Welcome you to SR. I understand how you feel and what you are going through since I also have a grown son that is an addict/alcoholic and has been since he was a teen.

Phinneas is so right about there being hope for your peace and serenity. Come on over to the Naranon Forum here and you will be able to talk with many Mothers of addicts that truly can understand how you feel and all that you've been going through from their own experience.

I'll be looking for you over there. (((((((Welcome Hugs))))))))

[Phinneas]

((((gingle))))

Here's a link for the Naranon forum. Check it out!


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/nar-anon/

[marteen]

Hi, gingle,

I so agree with the advice ahead of me. Please accept this as a "welcome mat" to the naranon forum, the forum for family and friends of addicts.

I, too, am the mother of a 25 yr old addict daughter. There is also a wealth of reading information, including a thead at the top, under "relationships", entitled "a welcome to new parents of addicts". and lots of other stuff.

I'll leave the light on for you and we are open 24/7! So, please join us! Just go on the "Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information" page, scan down until you see, "Naranon" and click on it. It will bring you to the forum. Make yourself comfortable and post your info so others can welcome you and reply.

Hugs,
marteen (a Naranon moderator)

[marteen]

Phinneas was posting at the exact same time as I. You can definately use his link to get there - it's faster!! lol

[BigSis]

Hi Gingle... another mom, here.

Both my kids are addicts, and my daughter's meth addiction is the one that took me down .... hard.

Mr. Big and I were seldom on the "same page" ... we had to learn to respect each OTHER's boundaries ... that was interesting and a growing experience.

I found I had to start very very small.... not picking up the phone, but letting the machine pick up was a BIG one for me. And each parent is different... I never did get to the point where I would deny my kids food ... even though I know they used their "food money" for drugs. I finally got to where I would buy them a meal, but not hand them money.

Each little boundary is progress... each one, I HAD to do... I couldn't "skip forward"... otherwise, I felt too guilty, and spent ALL my time (ALL of it!) thinking about "what-if" and "I shudda" dones... no way to live MY life.

Alanon helped me very much, and I remember thinking what an IMPOSITION it was that I should go... EVERY WEEK! Once I started "getting it", though, I was going three and sometimes four times a week... at first.

Today, both my kids are sober... neither is working a program, and I don't know if either will be sober tomorrow.... but I have learned to let tomorrow take care of itself.

Come on down to the Naranon forum when you get back... lot of that good old "ES&H" (Experience, Strength & Hope) for you there.

(((Gingle)))

[BigSis]

Double post... sorry.

[greeteachday]

Good morning Gingle, Just wanted to add my welcome. I hope to see you in the Naranon forum - there are wonderful caring people there who know just what you are experiencing. I know for me that was the most important part at first ...just being understood.
Hang in there, there is hope and with the tools you can gather by reading and posting and if possible going to some face to face Anon meetings, there is the opportunity to once again reclaim your life!