Step 8

[Doug]

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

[Gmoney]

Like the 1st Step, the Eighth Step has two-parts . The first part is making the list and the second part is becoming willing to make amends for the damage I caused in the past.

Making the list wasn’t as easy I thought it was because I had to take a closer look at what harm really was. Once I did this, I found that my list became much longer than I had originally anticipated. Reviewing my 4th Step helped me to look at the destruction I caused in the past and how my defects of character caused me to harm others. In order to make my list, I had to be done with blaming and resentments.

This step tells me that I have to do whatever it takes to become willing, and for me this was a prime opportunity to demonstrate the willingness I gained in the previous Steps. Although I had an overall willingness to make amends and do whatever was needed to continue my recovery process, I found that my level of willingness varied from case to case, and time to time. To put it bluntly, there were some to who I just wasn’t willing to make amends. Namely, the financial amends.

Then it hit me…. Being willing to make amends isn’t the primary focus of this step (although it’s very important). The literature tells me that some willingness will come about simply by writing my amends list. In this step, it’s important to realize that we don’t just make a list and become willing to make amends for others...we do it to free ourselves of our past so we can continue our spiritual growth and live more fully in the here and now. I found it important for me not to get stuck on whether my willingness was great or small because becoming willing isn’t an event, it’s a process. If after writing the list I find myself lacking willingness, I can always pray that my Higher Power will provide me with what I need and add to my list later.

[Missybuns]

Gmoney,

So when did you decide exactly whatthe amends would be? Was that a part of step 8 after your list was complete or did you see that as a part of step 9 as you made the amends? (and yes this is a question for my sponsor, only I want to know your experience)

edited to say dang I no good at italics!! lol

[sct]

I talked with my sponsor throughout the process of writing my eighth step, so that I could look at my amends, and willingness. For each of the amends I owe, we talked about how I could make things right. What kind of amends would best rectify the harm caused. For times when I was a poor friend, and there wasn't financial or physical harm caused, a sincere apology, and an ongoing process of thinking of others more, and myself less is about all I can do.

In my active addiction I harmed a lot of people that I don't know, as a thief, and a destroyer of property. (translation, I stole cars, parts, and got into barfights that usually ended with me breaking something on my to being 'invited' to leave). Where I can make financial amends, to business owners whose property I've broken, my sponsor suggested I be prepared to contact them and confess to what I had done, and offer to pay for, replace, or repair what I had broken.

In cases where I don't know who I harmed, or harmed those in the community, I'm trying to volunteer where I can, to give back to people who need help, and working on being prepared to make amends to the people I'm no longer in contact with as I find them in my life.

I made the list of my amends, and part of my process of becoming willing was to honestly look at what I could do to make things right. Seeing that there were often ways that I could help repair the damage I caused was a big part of my becoming willing to actually make amends.

[Missybuns]

yes of course Im close with my sponsor on this. I like hearing others experiences too. Thank you very much.

See I feel like if I know exactly what the amends ought to be then that will reveal more about my willingness, honestly.

[Gmoney]

Originally Posted by Missybuns

Gmoney,

So when did you decide exactly whatthe amends would be? Was that a part of step 8 after your list was complete or did you see that as a part of step 9 as you made the amends? (and yes this is a question for my sponsor, only I want to know your experience)

edited to say dang I no good at italics!! lol

Missybuns,

I actually didn't cross the bridge of envisioning how I'd make amends until the 9th step. I don't know about anyone else, but the biggest part of Step 8 was understanding what "harm" was. And once I had a clear picture in my head as to what harm was...formulating how I would correct the harm (making amends) wasn't difficult. SCT gave some great examples, but like I said, I didn't really concentrate on what or how in Step 8 because Step 8 was more of an exercise of looking back...not forward. In Step 9 we make direct amends, and this was done after carefully considering my options and lengthy discussion with my sponsor.

G

[Missybuns]

Thank you.

Anyone else?