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|12-26-2011, 08:28 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Grateful but still smarting
Join Date: May 2009
Blog Entries: 24
Step 6 unfolds
Though I've been told by some to not "sit" on a step, I have chosen to not rush over step six. I don't feel like I am "sitting" but rather that I am doing a thorough job. If I gloss over THIS step, how can I grow?
If I pretend to be ready to have defects removed, but I am NOT ready, then how can I hope to grow through the rest of the steps?
Due to my past and my personality, I know that I love to rush over things that I am uncomfortable with and hope that it won't matter in the end. Hope that the next thing will cover it over.
SO, I am using the step working guide and really making a go at this.
Today I was writing about immaturity, as it was identified as a defect in step 4 and 5. And I realize that my immaturity stems from not being instructed as a child. I was expected to act grown up, but never taught the skills to be a grown up. It was glossed over, and I was left a shell. I appeared mature and pretended to BE mature, but am truly a child play acting.
Now, I have to learn the skills of being a grown up, at the age of 46. I feel a bit overwhelmed as to how to go about that, but am going to trust that the tools I need will be provided. There is no lack of information out there, and my situation in life is now ideal for me to practice those skills.
I find it interesting that I was suggested to me to just push on past step six, just as when I was a child, I was supposed to just act "as if", and not really address the issues. Now I am going to take care of things, truly, not just in appearance.
I am doing steps six and seven together, taking a look at how defects play out in my life, and praying they be removed, and opening myself up to applying spiritual principles instead.
I understand that like all the steps these are a life long process. I don't feel stuck by taking time here to truly examine some things, and not run from looking at them,
I feel that this is important for me today to truly examine and accept my defects. I had identified them, but not accepted them. I feel like I have to accept them, own them, before I can truly let them go, and be ready to have them removed.
Is that crazy?
I don't want just the appearance of recovery, like I have the appearance of maturity, I want true recovery.
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