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|08-25-2008, 06:35 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
Identifing Character Defects
Hello All. I've been reading about the Sixth Step for a little while now and I'm having some trouble getting started with it. After doing a 5th with my sponsor he told me to read 6th out of the Basic Text and the How and Why and write what the 6th step means to me and how to apply it in my life. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, I'm an addict and of course I'm going to complicate it. I guess what I'm asking for is some advice on identifying my defects. I think I have a grasp when I'm acting out but it's putting a name to it that is making stumble. Thanks in advance for your experience, strength and hope.
|08-30-2008, 04:25 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
I'm confused here, so help me understand. You say you've done a 5th Step with your sponsor, right? Yet, you're still struggling with identifying your defects? Sounds to me like you may need to revisit your 4th step. And I really find it hard to do a 5th step without knowing what my defects are....I mean, how else can I admit them in step 5 if I don't know what they are?
Okay...let's start from here. In step 4, we are challenged to be "searching and fearless" in our attempt to recognize patterns of thinking and behavior. Basically, we're doing an inventory of our life to this point - the good, the bad, the ugly and the indifferent. The 4th step is a method we use to learn about ourselves and it is as much about finding out our character assets as it is about identifying the exact nature of our wrongs (why we did what we did). By honestly exploring or resentments, feelings, guilt, shame, fears, relationships, sexual behaviors, abuse, assets and secrets, we get to see a pretty good picture of who we are, what we did, why we did it, etc...
When we get to step 5, we don't simply reread what we wrote in step 4. We share with our HP, another person and ourselves the exact nature of our wrongs - meaning, we admit (probably for the 1st time) the reasons or causes of the wrongs we committed. So if this isn't what you did with your sponsor when you did step 5, you may want to consider doing it again. Just a thought.
"We start to realize that there is a difference between our actions (what we did) and the exact nature of our wrongs. For instance, we may see example after example of situations where we lied in a vain attempt to make everyone like us. But those examples aren't the nature of our wrongs. The nature of these wrongs is the dishonesty and manipulation we were demonstrating each time we lied." - Step 5, IWH&W, page 55
The next line provides clarity:
"The process we've undertaken so far has made us aware of the exact nature of our wrongs. The exact nature of those wrongs is our character defects." - IWH&W, page 57
Without providing you the answers for your assignment, I'll just add this -when I lied, I lied for a reason. When I stole, I stole for a reason. When I cheated, I cheated for a reason. The reasons are the things I become entirely ready for my HP to remove in step 6.
Hope that helps,
"We are never forced into relapse. We are given a choice. Relapse is never an accident." - Basic Text, 5th Ed.
|11-26-2010, 08:45 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Grateful Recovering Addict
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Clackamas, OR
Well if you know the things you act out on and apparently have done your 4th step you can look back on these things and pull the characteristics that were evident in the wrongs and get your list started. Drop the ock is a great book too. You can also google search character defects, once you find that list you can get an idea of the ones you have and want to be rid of. But I am willing to bet that if you pray and meditate before getting ready to do step work your Higher Power will help youidentifyy them.
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