Step 5

[Doug]

5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

[Gmoney]

After completing my 4th Step I took on the task of continuing my recovery by writing and sharing my 5th Step. In the 5th Step, I found that there was much more to be done than simply reading my 4th Step again. This step required me to admit and accept why I did the wrongs to myself and others, not just restate what I had done. It required me to get honest (especially with myself) on a different level than I had experienced in the previous four steps.

I’ve heard members mention “the exact nature” so often in meetings, but really had no clue as to what it meant until I heard an old-timer say that, “When I can no longer answer ‘why?’, I’ve probably reached the exact nature.”

For me, the 5th Step isn't about confession: sharing with God and my sponsor the reasons for my past and present behavior. It’s about awareness, acceptance and action – getting out the broom so I can clean my side of the street because now I have a clue as to why it‘s dirty. It’s about preparing myself to change and let go of excuses once and for all. Letting go of the things that keep me in destructive and self-defeating behaviors.

And I must say that it wasn’t so easy having no one else to blame. Yet, the freedom that came with admitting and accepting my defects was worth all the work because I gained a new level of awareness and humility.
Through honesty, willingness, courage, open-mindedness and humility, I was able to admit (probably for the 1st time) to God, myself, and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. The nakedness I felt wasn’t comfortable, but the risk of revealing the truth about me to someone (as well as to myself) was well worth the reward. I became closer with my Higher Power and my sponsor, and I learned a lot more about me. As I began to share some of my secrets with other members, I found we had much more in common than I previously assumed. Simply put: I’m just as human as anyone else. Also, having this newly found awareness about my shortcomings gave me something to work on so that I could try to become the person I need to be. This step helped me to see where the problems are so that I can find solutions for them.

No, I don’t agree that the rooms should be a forum for doing a 5th Step (check out Just For Today, page 250), but this step helps me to understand how my secrets can keep me sick when I don’t share them with at least one person. And I’m not just talking about the action or event; I’m talking about the real reason behind my thinking and behavior.

[Gmoney]

It's funny how so many of us interpret this step differently. For years, I've heard members sharing about the "exact nature," but when they reveal what it is they're talking about, they always tend to mention an action or series of actions - not the cause.

It says is IWH&W, on page 54:

"We start to realize that there is a difference between our actions and the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

And on page 57, we are taught:

"The exact nature of those wrongs is our character defects."

So, I've come to understand that the things I do (or have done) aren't my defects or the exact nature of my wrongs.. the exact nature is the underlying reasons (or causes) I make up in my mind for why I do what I do. A few common examples include:

Lying (action) = dishonesty, fear (defect/exact nature)
Stealing (action) = dishonesty, arrogance, indolence (defect/exact nature)
Cheating (action) = lust, greed (defect/exact nature)
People-pleasing (action) = dishonesty, fear, low self-esteem (defect/exact nature)

I truly believe it is important to understand the difference between our actions and the exact nature of our wrongs (defects/shortcomings) in steps 4 & 5 before proceeding to steps 6 & 7.

[2ala2]

Thanks Garry for taking the time and posting this. Your posts have helped me greatlty in my recovery. I sometimes quote you in meetings, lol.

[bobmatic]

i will work step five with one of my sponsees next week, to be honest it is the first time in my life,do i am kind of worried, what is the simple way. i asked him to write step four in a table format, being, place/person, situation, and the feeling, any suggestions.
cheers

[Missybuns]

Gmoney wrote:
I truly believe it is important to understand the difference between our actions and the exact nature of our wrongs (defects/shortcomings) in steps 4 & 5 before proceeding to steps 6 & 7.

My sponsor helped me to realize this. Only when I listed "dishonesty" and "impatience" on my list of defects in Step 6, the light bulb came on for me. When she pointed out I needed to identify the actions behind the dishonesty....that's when I realized my step 5 work led me right to this. I posted a reply under step 6 on another page here having to do with this very thing.

Peace,
Missybuns

[Wolfchild]

This step helped me to "get over myself". So often i had tried to revise reality in my head that confusion became a state of mind. Getting to the underneath of it all with my sponsor and the God of our understanding showed me that many of my fears are what had forced me to keep those things secret. Going over this step helped me to understand myself a little better. It also showed me the damage that addiction had done to me. My sponsor was able to help me to go deeper with some things that needed to be brought out. i started to see that the results of my actions were not the real problem. It provided an opportunity to see that my sponsor was committed to my recovery almost as much as i am. It strengthened the bond between us and helped us to see that were not so different from each other. It solidified the committment we share to each other's recovery process.

[alfonso]

do you have a step working guide available

[Gmoney]

Hi Alfonso, welcome to SR.

You can get a Step Working Guide from an NA meeting or order one directly from Narcotics Anonymous World Services (NAWS). Here's a link:

www.NA.org - the website for the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous

[poisondartfrog]

Hey Alfonso, if you get one at a meeting, you can get a phone list with it (BONUS). Goodluck and keep coming back.