Step 4

[Doug]

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

[shellgirl]

what does that mean. moral inventory of ourselves. is that like looking at yourself to see what u r scared of?

[Wolfchild]

i did not enjoy this step until i started to experience the relief from my past. i had felt so much shame, guilt, and depression about it for so long that i wasn't sure what had actually happened. Sorting through the lies i had told myself, the denial, and the pain helped to increase my willingness to be honest with myself. Writing an inventory gave me a few good reasons to stop running from myself! It showed me that i had spent alot time trying to control other people because i was really unhappy with myself. It gave me unquestionable evidence that God was caring for me even when i didn't want to care for myself. It showed me how i had used people, places, and things just as much as i was using drugs. Writing about the resentments i had began the process of emotional healing. It also took away the power of all my excuses to act rebellious and self righteous. Working through my sexual relationships helped me to stop judging myself because of what i had done. The most kindest truth that i found out was that i still had some very good and noble qualities of character within me. Before writing a list of my assets, i still didn't really believe that i could be fully restored. i had told myself that i was permanantly broken for so long that i didn't think i could live the way i truly wanted to live. This step helped me in ways then and continues to help me in ways now, that inspires hope & faith in myself that i can recover.

[sleptdog]

I've been in recovery 7 years and don't where to begin with step 4. I've done 1,2,& 3 but never step 4. I don't want to continue to be stagnated and need to start. I don't know where to start. My sponsor gave me written instruction but I just don't know how to answer the questions. So as far as I can fiqure, what do I do, just write a dairy as far back as I can remember?

[Peter]

Hi sleptdog. Welcome to the forums.

When you say your sponsor gave you written instructions i am assuming you mean instructions from The NA Step Working Guides.

if you are having difficulty answering the questions as they are posed in the guide then your sponsor is supposed to assist you in understanding what the questions mean.

If your sponsor is unable to assist you then you might want to think about finding one that will.

best of luck to you.

[Clean4ever]

Originally Posted by Wolfchild

i did not enjoy this step until i started to experience the relief from my past. i had felt so much shame, guilt, and depression about it for so long that i wasn't sure what had actually happened. Sorting through the lies i had told myself, the denial, and the pain helped to increase my willingness to be honest with myself. Writing an inventory gave me a few good reasons to stop running from myself! It showed me that i had spent alot time trying to control other people because i was really unhappy with myself. It gave me unquestionable evidence that God was caring for me even when i didn't want to care for myself. It showed me how i had used people, places, and things just as much as i was using drugs. Writing about the resentments i had began the process of emotional healing. It also took away the power of all my excuses to act rebellious and self righteous. Working through my sexual relationships helped me to stop judging myself because of what i had done. The most kindest truth that i found out was that i still had some very good and noble qualities of character within me. Before writing a list of my assets, i still didn't really believe that i could be fully restored. i had told myself that i was permanantly broken for so long that i didn't think i could live the way i truly wanted to live. This step helped me in ways then and continues to help me in ways now, that inspires hope & faith in myself that i can recover.

Everthing you wrote is how I feel and think......Thanks ..Peter F.

[Clean4ever]

Still working step 4.....Did resentment list, fear list, shame/guilt list and working on sex list...Im going through alot of emotions but its ok....This is something I need to do....Easy does it ...."Life is like a box of chocolates you dont know what your gonna get" ....Clean

[confusled]

Hi all, just read all your comments and they have all helped and enlightened me in some way so thanks u My partner of 6 years is a recovering addict who has just started his step 4 which means he is bringing up alot of things that happened in the past, he is angry at me as all the things we have argued about when he was using are being brought back to the service. I am trying to stay strong but its hard as i too have tried to forget alot of it as it was a really hard time filled with lots of highs, lows, lyes so on and so forth. Would just like some advice on how i can help him and be as supportive as possible and if you have been in my bought what u did or what would of helped u when taking on that mighty step of 4 ??

Thanks you

[Gmoney]

Originally Posted by confusled

Hi all, just read all your comments and they have all helped and enlightened me in some way so thanks u My partner of 6 years is a recovering addict who has just started his step 4 which means he is bringing up alot of things that happened in the past, he is angry at me as all the things we have argued about when he was using are being brought back to the service. I am trying to stay strong but its hard as i too have tried to forget alot of it as it was a really hard time filled with lots of highs, lows, lyes so on and so forth. Would just like some advice on how i can help him and be as supportive as possible and if you have been in my bought what u did or what would of helped u when taking on that mighty step of 4 ??

Thanks you

Hi Confusled,

I think your question might be best answered in one of the "Friends & Family" forums. This "NA Step Study Forum" is supposed to be for addicts who are doing step work themselves - to share their experience, strength and hope with one another in regard to each step. We try to refrain from giving advice here...we simply share with one another what we've learned and the challenges we face in working the 12 steps.

[LaneCash]

Originally Posted by shellgirl

what does that mean. moral inventory of ourselves. is that like looking at yourself to see what u r scared of?

Well as to moral which involves good or acceptable things and inventory is an
activity that monitors those particulars, I know I just had to face my own
things as to whether they're acceptable or not. But, we need to realize that
none of us are perfect, so we're not gonna all of a sudden become complete
in character. We don't want to ever beat ourselves up over our past or things that we still struggle with. We just need to do our best.

[catherine28]

With everything that applies to working any kind of 12 STEP program; the key to it is- honesty,open-mindedness,and willingness. It helped me just realizing, I had already done these things. Who am I afraid of or what ? I was more afraid of what would happen if I didn't let go- so I became honest with myself; open-minded to the fact I must confess to myself,to my higher-power whom I call God and my sponsor who I chose to put my trust in,and then I willingly wrote it all down. My sponsor had told me not to beat myself up trying to remember everything,that I would havee plenty of time when I redo it in the future(yes there is doing the steps again) but just look at it like this, its healthier to repeat steps than it is to use. I know with myself I might not make it back to recovery so I'm going to do whatever it takes to stay clean and serene; Just for Today!!!